Falling Into the Beauty

[Yoseff]

Falling into the beauty of death,
We meet our ends,
And, among the first dead,
Our humbled ancient friends,
We go softly into eternity.

in life, we grow old,
We grow week, we grow weary.
The green force takes us,
And we surrender;
Though we should not go quitely.

Our bones picked clean,
Dead men shall live once more
Among the stars,
With the world at our feet
And the sun at our heads.

the end of all time is a time
Of rage and loud remembrances
Ow what was, and what will be,
Of what was gained and what was lost
In the eternal struggle for life.

[fulmah]

fantastic stuff! enjoyed the thoughts this evoked... wonderfully perceptive! thanks for sharing :)

[Skin Is, My!]

I liked the poem as a whole, but one line really threw me off and made the poem less enjoyable than it could be. What exactly is "Green force?" I kind of felt as if you came up with that line because you needed something to flow, and to keep the poem going. It felt like a filler...Like a really trite phrase. It just doesn't seem to fit with all the other images and words. Even the subject seems off-kilter.

I know I'm just digging at that one line, it just seems really distracting to me. It was a really nice poem, though.

[TrippinBTM]

I agree about the green force bit, but the whole rest of the poem was excellent, some really good ideas in there. :)

[psychadelicbird]

I'm not sure that the green force is out of place. It seemed to flow well with me...but maybe there was a different picture being painted in my mind. I understand the concept behind that statement I suppose...or maybe I have no idea what I am talking about.

*Weak

That was my only problem...heh...me and my silly pet peeves.

[General Electric]

This is a really beautiful piece... the only thing I didn't like so much was the last line, felt a bit abrupt to me, but maybe I'm just picky :p Anyway, it's very good.