schmokes
07-03-2004, 01:05 AM
i used to want to pursue writing professionally, but im not really sure if i have the chops, and honestly i dont think im brave enough to go into such a risky business [economically] while im still doubting if i can do well. so anyways, here's some of my early work, i just started the other day so it's still rough. what i mainly want to get out of this is for people to think it's funny [if not just entertaining], for the most part. so any constructive critcism or [dare i say] compliments will be extremely appreciated...
The manic guitar of ‘Date with the Night’ pumped through my speakers, in one ear and out the other, spraying straight into the late afternoon picture my window had painted. The perfectly serene, suburban neighborhood was surrounded with the bluest of blues and a single, large palm tree that contrasted just enough to be beautiful. ‘I’ll set you… I’ll set if off’ said Karen O, seductive and insane, whispering and squealing all at once. I loved it, but the perfectness of everything surrounding me was unsettling. I knew, as well as everyone else, that Oxnard was a less than perfect small city-town that had the kind of potential that your teachers are always telling you about, but for some reason you just keep turning in crap. The walls began to melt as I trashed the town in my head, the posters and papers and clipping going up in flames as the drywall disappeared. The city streets grinded and crashed themselves into rubble, buildings collapsed right onto their money-grubbing owners, and people ran in circles, pulling out their hair and biting their fists. I grinned and grinned and grinned all of my teeth and laughed a ridiculous laugh and was disappointed to find myself.
*****
I woke up to a quiet house on a quiet day in a stupid city. Rolling over, I stared at a black stain on the wall. I stared at it for a while and remembered the day I found a hideously huge [not to mention disgusting and hairy] spider sitting and gazing hungrily at me. I don’t know if it was actually staring, and I doubt it was hungry, but I killed it none the less and now it was forever smeared into my dull white walls.
I peeled myself from my oh so comforting bed and pulled back black curtains to look outside. The day was fogged over and dreary, but my younger sister and her across-the-street friend were outside playing anyway. I watched as they shot their hands out at each other from across the lawn and made the "pow pow, your dead" statements that only kids can get away with. Then I watched as they both lay down in awkward positions and played dead, catching myself wishing that I could be so lucky.
My leg kicked on my computer by reflex and I walked out into the hallway to greet my ladies. I said a casual ‘morning’ to them, and let Wallflower nibble at my finger through the cage, all the while Strummer ran viciously on her wheel. I’d gotten my mice in compensation for my mom’s utter lack of reasoning. No dogs, no cats. Mice. They weren’t so bad, but it was less of having two pets so much as having two little sacks that ate, crapped, and could make a room smell like greasy runners armpits. But I couldn’t help but feel some affection, they had their moments.
Walking into the bathroom, I sighed a small croak at my shag-mop hair. Bed-head was a killer while trying to grow out your hair. I inspected myself for a few more minutes before whipping out, and everything seemed alright. I had no muscle to my chest and my stomach was still gaining on me. Cross country kept me from losing control, but I was still no prize. Not that I really needed to be.
After a quick piss, I slumped back into my room and heaved myself lazily onto my computer chair. Password typed in, I opened up my music player and browsed through my choices for a few seconds. I settled on Bob Marley, ‘exodus’, then threw myself back into bed. You have to go running, I told myself. Practice is only a couple weeks away, don’t be stupid. Fuck you, and my eyelids overpowered my will to be in shape.
*****
At a decent 11:43, I roused again and brought myself to fight the warm crooning of my blue-sheeted pillow. I rummaged through the highest drawer and pulled out some fresh socks, then grabbed my team shirt from the next drawer and black running shorts in third. Soon enough I was running down Doris Avenue, trying to control my huff, my puff, my ribcage and my leg muscles. I ran past a field that smelled of beach and crap at the same time, then made the corner of Patterson and Gonzales right in time for the Oxnard HS students. Of course with my luck, they were still in school and were just getting out. I would have kept running if I wasn’t about to explode, but I decided that being sweaty and wearing the CIHS cross country team t-shirt wasn’t embarrassing enough to bring myself into that kind of torture. When I got back, my hair was plastered to my face and it almost looked like the task of ‘shower’ had already been accomplished. I thought, why would anyone want to run 4 miles? Is it even remotely logical? I grunted myself away and hopped into the shower.
When I got downstairs, feeling fresh in my Led Zeppelin shirt, I threw all four miles into the trashcan and scarfed down three slices of yesterday’s pizza. Jordan walked in and stood at the other side of the counter, staring. "That’s not very good for you" she said.
"Neither is this" I snorted, grabbing her gut and jiggling it. "Now get outta here". My sister and I had an interesting love-hate thing going on. We would get into fights, be sent to our rooms, then I’d feel bad and go talk to her and suddenly we’re watching a movie or laughing about something. We plopped on the living room couch and I parked my feet on the coffee table. She got the remote first and I was forced into cartoons, so I pretended not to enjoy it very much. When I took the remote and changed the channel, she complained and nagged and gave me her "I will kill you" face, then gave up and left the room.
As I flipped through the crap after crap that was day-time television, my mind flipped through some of the things that had been going on lately. My girlfriend of three months and I were on the rocks, due to some incriminating rumors on her part that I was still thinking over. I was in dire need of a job, but my lack of will power was keeping me from being able to take a drug test, so there wasn’t much to turn to for the next couple of weeks.
The manic guitar of ‘Date with the Night’ pumped through my speakers, in one ear and out the other, spraying straight into the late afternoon picture my window had painted. The perfectly serene, suburban neighborhood was surrounded with the bluest of blues and a single, large palm tree that contrasted just enough to be beautiful. ‘I’ll set you… I’ll set if off’ said Karen O, seductive and insane, whispering and squealing all at once. I loved it, but the perfectness of everything surrounding me was unsettling. I knew, as well as everyone else, that Oxnard was a less than perfect small city-town that had the kind of potential that your teachers are always telling you about, but for some reason you just keep turning in crap. The walls began to melt as I trashed the town in my head, the posters and papers and clipping going up in flames as the drywall disappeared. The city streets grinded and crashed themselves into rubble, buildings collapsed right onto their money-grubbing owners, and people ran in circles, pulling out their hair and biting their fists. I grinned and grinned and grinned all of my teeth and laughed a ridiculous laugh and was disappointed to find myself.
*****
I woke up to a quiet house on a quiet day in a stupid city. Rolling over, I stared at a black stain on the wall. I stared at it for a while and remembered the day I found a hideously huge [not to mention disgusting and hairy] spider sitting and gazing hungrily at me. I don’t know if it was actually staring, and I doubt it was hungry, but I killed it none the less and now it was forever smeared into my dull white walls.
I peeled myself from my oh so comforting bed and pulled back black curtains to look outside. The day was fogged over and dreary, but my younger sister and her across-the-street friend were outside playing anyway. I watched as they shot their hands out at each other from across the lawn and made the "pow pow, your dead" statements that only kids can get away with. Then I watched as they both lay down in awkward positions and played dead, catching myself wishing that I could be so lucky.
My leg kicked on my computer by reflex and I walked out into the hallway to greet my ladies. I said a casual ‘morning’ to them, and let Wallflower nibble at my finger through the cage, all the while Strummer ran viciously on her wheel. I’d gotten my mice in compensation for my mom’s utter lack of reasoning. No dogs, no cats. Mice. They weren’t so bad, but it was less of having two pets so much as having two little sacks that ate, crapped, and could make a room smell like greasy runners armpits. But I couldn’t help but feel some affection, they had their moments.
Walking into the bathroom, I sighed a small croak at my shag-mop hair. Bed-head was a killer while trying to grow out your hair. I inspected myself for a few more minutes before whipping out, and everything seemed alright. I had no muscle to my chest and my stomach was still gaining on me. Cross country kept me from losing control, but I was still no prize. Not that I really needed to be.
After a quick piss, I slumped back into my room and heaved myself lazily onto my computer chair. Password typed in, I opened up my music player and browsed through my choices for a few seconds. I settled on Bob Marley, ‘exodus’, then threw myself back into bed. You have to go running, I told myself. Practice is only a couple weeks away, don’t be stupid. Fuck you, and my eyelids overpowered my will to be in shape.
*****
At a decent 11:43, I roused again and brought myself to fight the warm crooning of my blue-sheeted pillow. I rummaged through the highest drawer and pulled out some fresh socks, then grabbed my team shirt from the next drawer and black running shorts in third. Soon enough I was running down Doris Avenue, trying to control my huff, my puff, my ribcage and my leg muscles. I ran past a field that smelled of beach and crap at the same time, then made the corner of Patterson and Gonzales right in time for the Oxnard HS students. Of course with my luck, they were still in school and were just getting out. I would have kept running if I wasn’t about to explode, but I decided that being sweaty and wearing the CIHS cross country team t-shirt wasn’t embarrassing enough to bring myself into that kind of torture. When I got back, my hair was plastered to my face and it almost looked like the task of ‘shower’ had already been accomplished. I thought, why would anyone want to run 4 miles? Is it even remotely logical? I grunted myself away and hopped into the shower.
When I got downstairs, feeling fresh in my Led Zeppelin shirt, I threw all four miles into the trashcan and scarfed down three slices of yesterday’s pizza. Jordan walked in and stood at the other side of the counter, staring. "That’s not very good for you" she said.
"Neither is this" I snorted, grabbing her gut and jiggling it. "Now get outta here". My sister and I had an interesting love-hate thing going on. We would get into fights, be sent to our rooms, then I’d feel bad and go talk to her and suddenly we’re watching a movie or laughing about something. We plopped on the living room couch and I parked my feet on the coffee table. She got the remote first and I was forced into cartoons, so I pretended not to enjoy it very much. When I took the remote and changed the channel, she complained and nagged and gave me her "I will kill you" face, then gave up and left the room.
As I flipped through the crap after crap that was day-time television, my mind flipped through some of the things that had been going on lately. My girlfriend of three months and I were on the rocks, due to some incriminating rumors on her part that I was still thinking over. I was in dire need of a job, but my lack of will power was keeping me from being able to take a drug test, so there wasn’t much to turn to for the next couple of weeks.