True story. Is this called rape?

[skybird]

Well here me out first.

I was barely 14 years old back then when this happened. It was on a sunday afternoon, I was alone in my adopted parent's home and in comes the cleaner woman who was supposed to do some cleaning in the house.

At that time and that age I simply had NO experience of what sex was. Apart from the fact that I got me looking at her on the floor scrubbing and cleaning and I had no idea as to "why" I am looking at her. She was about 40 years old and to tell you the facts she was not bad looking either. She was wiggling as she was scrubbing off something from the floor.

She suddenly turned around and saw me looking at her. She started smiling at me, realising that I am simply stunned standing there she took me by the hand and said "Come." I was petrified. I got so scared I thought she was going to hit me for no reason other than looking at her. She told me not to get scared and opened my pants. I begged for her to stop. I was embaressed. I didn't know what to do with myself.

I didn't even know at that time what was happening. It came so fast on me. She pushed me to the floor and then started to oral me. I felt a tingling feeling in my loins and I tried to push her away from me. She told me to stay still and she sat on me and started pumping me.

At that point I had a feeling like I was going to pee, or something similar to that. I tried to control it, thinking she will get angry at me for peeing on her.

Then it came. It was a feeling I have never experienced in my life. But she felt the wetness, there was a smile on her face and she got up and wiped off the substance that came out of me.

Then, out of stupidty and non understanding I started to apologise for peeing inside of her. All she said was "It's not pee." and then carried on to what she was doing before that.

And me? I ran into the veranda, sat there and looked at the traffic, feeling ashamed of what I had done.

So what is it? Was this rape? Was it not rape? It was something that I feel was taken from me without prior permission.

But then.....why did I feel ashamed? Why did I not report it to my aunt? There I was, sitting in the verandah and feeling ashamed and at the same time thinking about the good feeling that I had.

Later on in life I learnt about life, love and sex. Only this incident is constantly in my mind till this day. Wondering where have I been wrong.

Edited to add here that until this day I have a guilty concience that it was I who was doing the raping whilst I was not concience of the fact at that time. This is partly due to the fact that you don't actually hear about women raping men so much. True, I was only 14 but in my mind, being an observant jew (at that time) I already had my bar Mitzvah at age 13, therefore technically and physically I was a man, but in sexual terms I lacked information.

[white ginger]

if you begged for her to stop, that is rape.

[Beyond-the-Clouds]

Yea, if you wanted her to stop (I don't know why, that seems pretty gay to me) then it's a rape. I wish that would have happened to me. I'll bet you want her to do it again though.

[Rigamarole]

Yea, if you wanted her to stop (I don't know why, that seems pretty gay to me)
ROFLMAO.

Lucky guy. I would have LOVED being raped at 14. I'm 20 now but I still wouldn't mind being raped by a woman so inclined...

[white ginger]

It doesn't matter a bit whether or not he liked it or wanted it. Rape has to do with consent/permission. He didn't just ask, he 'begged' her to stop.

[hippychickmommy]

Yes, it was rape.

Also, you were a child, she was an adult, and she took advantage of your innocence. She's lucky you never said anything before. She might be sitting in a prison cell right now if you had.

[gruvenmama420]

yes i think it was rape, doing something to an innocent young boy with no experience. she took advantage of you and you didn't do anything wrong. it was wrong of her since its "corrupting a minor" but as long as you are not traumatized by it then you should be fine

[skybird]

Thanks, people, for your reaction and your side of the coin.

Well I'm an adult now and perhaps some of my sexual characteristics have derived from that incident. If you will recall I said that on the one hand i felt that I (meaning myself) thought that I was the wrong doer. On the other hand there was this small moment in which I did feel something exquisite in the end of that session. My yet to develop mind was confused with like "Hey what the fuck is going wrong here? This is terribly wrong on the one hand but on the other why do I feel so good?" kind of thing.

And in this particular moment I, above all other people in here, actually understand the perils and psychological consequences of such an experience. I say that because fact is , after a few decades later, I still remember it, still confused, still feeling guilty, still not understanding why this has happened to me. Let me just ask here if I was a woman. Would I feel a certain sexual thrill side by side with the trauma, and yet it would be called rape?

Someone remarked in this thread that he would have been glad if a 40 year old woman would rape him when he was 14. I say not at age 14 or when you are a young yet undeveloped kid. It's unadvisable. There is this particular burdon that you will carry on your back maybe for the rest of your life. I would be prepared to be raped when I am a full grown adult, tortured perhaps, by a woman or women, but not as a kid. I understand the fascination with this particular experience but not when you were not ready for that. I did not even understand that a sexual intercourse ever existed, let alone anything else. When I looked at her wiggling I did not understand the thoughts that went in my mind. It was foreign. It was strange.

[seamonster66]

Its pretty backwards to not know anything about sex at 14, to not even understand the feeling of sexual attraction.
I don't believe your story

[skybird]

Its pretty backwards to not know anything about sex at 14, to not even understand the feeling of sexual attraction.


I agree with you.

[seamonster66]

so how has this really harmed you?

Also, I believe true rape implies force...or in the very least a position of power. This sounds more like something i would masturbate thinking about at age 14

[skybird]

so how has this really harmed you?

Also, I believe true rape implies force...or in the very least a position of power. This sounds more like something i would masturbate thinking about at age 14

Fact is that after such a long time this incident is still in my mind not in a favorable format.

I did not mention in my post that I came from a family of observant jews. All we did day in and day out is keeping the fate, praying three times a day, and going to synagogues on saturdays and other festive days. I was even in a Yeshiva studying the Torah. Such subjects was never in our agenda. It's a kind of differant mentality, not so western.

Today I am totally differant. I am not observant and I donot maintain the life of what I grew up into.

[seamonster66]

Fair enough, I believe you now.

[skybird]

i just couldn't believe the insensitivity of some people. perhaps i was a little harsh...as you don't really seem to care much...oh well.

Hey I'm a guy. And I am healthy (me thinks). This MUST be the fantasy of every healthy guy. Perhaps 90% of normals boys age 14 are sexually capable, therefore it may be a healthy fantasy for them. But under the cercumstances and up bringing such as mine I was just not ready for that. Therefore I understand the poster.

Too bad for me.

[Rigamarole]

OK Buddy. If you were really as naive and sheltered as you say (which I also have a hard time believing, but it's possible), I can see it being a bit strange and scary.

But if you're really a man now, get over yourself. You had pussy coming to you before you were even looking for it. Think of it as if you were a kid again, and you have the golden ticket to Disneyworld that lets you ride any ride you want! !!Awesomeness!!

[Dariah]

It was something that I feel was taken from me without prior permission.
I completely know how you feel when stating this. A while back I had a sexual encounter (not intercourse or oral; more of touching) that I did not consent to and have felt violated to this day.

[white ginger]

I believe true rape implies force...or in the very least a position of power.
nuh uh. Rape has nothing to do with force. It has to do with consent.

If it is true that he 'tried to push her away', and 'begged her to stop,' it was rape, no doubt at all.

[white ginger]

I completely know how you feel when stating this. A while back I had a sexual encounter (not intercourse or oral; more of touching) that I did not consent to and have felt violated to this day.
I know what you mean, too. It was more just (very rough and painful) touching, and I still feel violated from it.

Skybird, I'd love to support you in any way I can. It seems the issue for you is more about the shame and guilt you felt in regards to the situation, rather than what actually happened. If it happened in the way you described, it was, in legal terms, rape. I encourage you to really spend some time with yourself about this. In my experience, when something bothers me for so long all it really wants is attention and openess. I also encourage you to accept yourself as blameless.

[JavaJade]

Why would she do that? Did she ever talk to you about it afterward?

[Piney]

Rape ?


Rape is when a girl is violated. Your terming of this incident "rape" trivializes
real rape where females are violated and infected with STD's and perhaps beaten-up.

It sounds to me like this has given you a life time of spank-off fantasy.

Please disclose how this inspires your spank sessions.

Most cleaning ladies are illegals with no social security number,
working for peanuts.
Helpless, disadvantaged.
So the rich masa got a treat.

Id just shut the fuck up about this. I have absolutely no sympathy for this nurotic spank-off fantasy of yours.

Sorry to sound so harsh but you need to make this disclosure!

[MikeE]

Our concern for beaten, bleeding rape victims should not be used to minimize other wrongs. The original poster is still upset about that encounter, perhaps he should seek counseling from a professional rather than the internet. Rape crisis centers would have appropriate referal information.

[Beyond-the-Clouds]

Rape is when a girl is violated. Don't be dum.

Anyways, you should stop whining about being damaged and feeling guilty. You're not guilty, so that's illogical. And one event shouldn't cause any damage. Maby you have been listening to Sigmond Froid too much.

[pixellove74]

my son is 14 and if he were taken like that by a 40 yr old woman id find her and punch her in the face. I am sure my son is finding out about himself but being fucked by a 40 old when you've never had sex before is much different.. I think people sometimes remark on things with their adult minds and not their "14 yr old" minds. Although this does depend on who you are at 14. My girlfriend was totally sheltered her whole life so she had sex finally when she was 18! I had sex my first time at 13 or 14. I liked it, loved it, and have enjoyed it ever since! My son is sheltered so i know he would feel differently about it! It depends on the person. I try not to impose my experiences and reasonings on others. It just doesnt work.. differnt people think, feel and act differently. ONE experience can change you forever!

[pixellove74]

Don't be dum.

Anyways, you should stop whining about being damaged and feeling guilty. You're not guilty, so that's illogical. And one event shouldn't cause any damage. Maby you have been listening to Sigmond Froid too much.
LMAO frued. hehehe .. Once experience can change a person. if your preoccupied thinking of something that happened and missing out on other things that are going on around you. Your gonna think differently than someone who isnt preoccupied with it.

rape is unconsentual sex. Period.

Then again thats just my opinion.

[Beyond-the-Clouds]

He shouldn't be all preoccupied though. He should move on with life, "shit happens".

[Beyond-the-Clouds]

i would love to know what happened to beyond-the-clouds that has made him such a bitter boy...but he has most likely already blocked it out anyways. How are you getting that I'm bitter? Anyway, if I am it's because I've never had any friends or even aquaintences, but that's in the present.

[seamonster66]

quote :nuh uh. Rape has nothing to do with force. It has to do with consent.


so how was in not consensual if he didn't try to get away..was it her position of power as his housekeeper, ay?


Statutory rape in some countries, but I don't think it hurt our friend any...he's one of my favorite posters on here now, which, granted, doesn't say much.

they also say rape is a violent crime, not sexual, how does this fit that?

[ButterCupDaisy]

Thanks, people, for your reaction and your side of the coin.

Well I'm an adult now and perhaps some of my sexual characteristics have derived from that incident. If you will recall I said that on the one hand i felt that I (meaning myself) thought that I was the wrong doer. On the other hand there was this small moment in which I did feel something exquisite in the end of that session. My yet to develop mind was confused with like "Hey what the fuck is going wrong here? This is terribly wrong on the one hand but on the other why do I feel so good?" kind of thing.

And in this particular moment I, above all other people in here, actually understand the perils and psychological consequences of such an experience. I say that because fact is , after a few decades later, I still remember it, still confused, still feeling guilty, still not understanding why this has happened to me. Let me just ask here if I was a woman. Would I feel a certain sexual thrill side by side with the trauma, and yet it would be called rape?

Someone remarked in this thread that he would have been glad if a 40 year old woman would rape him when he was 14. I say not at age 14 or when you are a young yet undeveloped kid. It's unadvisable. There is this particular burdon that you will carry on your back maybe for the rest of your life. I would be prepared to be raped when I am a full grown adult, tortured perhaps, by a woman or women, but not as a kid. I understand the fascination with this particular experience but not when you were not ready for that. I did not even understand that a sexual intercourse ever existed, let alone anything else. When I looked at her wiggling I did not understand the thoughts that went in my mind. It was foreign. It was strange.



I am very sorry that happen to you and yes it was rape or for a better choice of words sexual abuse, it's also very okay to feel the way you do about this after all these years, However talking about always helps the memory will always be there but it doesn't have to control you, a good idea is write down on a piece of paper what happen and how it made you feel then read it to yourself and then burn it or tear it up, this might sound stupid but it might help. This women did take clear advantage of your innocence and your ignorance to sex so don't feel like it your fault...
Peace be with you

[white ginger]

so how was in not consensual if he didn't try to get away..was it her position of power as his housekeeper, ay?
read my post again. (see: tried to push her away, begged her to stop)


they also say rape is a violent crime, not sexual, how does this fit that?
We don't know what this woman was thinking. It sounds to me like this woman was in the position of power, and it could have much more to do with that than anything sexual.

I don't freel like reinforcing this, so please read carefully. I do not believe or disbelieve skybird's story. I find it slightly inane that people make their mind up about something when they simply don't have the facts. 'Sureness' based on nothing but a distinct lack of evidence seems to be a fundamental habit to general society.

What I am saying and doing in my posts is offering my support to anything/one that needs it.
If he's telling the truth, it logically and legally was a case of sexual abuse/rape.
If he's lying and this tale is his favourite bedtime story then he doesn't need my support, and that's that.

[seamonster66]

I just see a huge difference between a real rape and this story, but whatever, you are the smart one here. He could have been molested, but to me, and I suck and must be a horrible judgemental person, this can't be considered the same crime as a bloodied beaten person clinging to life. after being raped.

Besides, I already said I believed him.

[white ginger]

Hey seamonster... I didn't mean to sound so cold. I totally hear you when you say that's it's unbelievable that this crime could be the same crime that involves torture and violence. From my experience of being violated without any lasting physical wounds, I know that the emotional damage it caused stayed with me and infected my life until I really dealt with it, so I can see what a torturous effect it can have, regardless of what things are like physically.

I am so surprised that you infer that I implied you are anything along the lines of a 'horrible judgemental person,' or less intelligent than me, that the idea that you are being sarcastic or joking occurs to me. [would like reassurance that you aren't :J ]

Hummm rape is a stingful and fragile issue not really addressed by our society. It might be amazing if instead of trying to inforce all sorts of punishments for rape after it occurs, we might try to find out why so many males have power-issues (or if whatever the real issue is--consult the rapist counsellors), and then figure out what it is in our system that is facilitating these problems and make adjustements or revolutions accordingly!

:) I'm dreaming

[seamonster66]

Ok I was being a little sarcastic (though slightly idiotic).

It seems to me that, lets say, the crime of theft..there are varying degees between petty theft and grand theft, they actually have different names. Perhaps i would not have a problem calling this rape if there were some sort of hierarchy of terms.

Still, i wouldn't have minded being whatever he was at that age. I can't imagine really feeling guilty, but I was a horny 14 year old.

[white ginger]

like 1st degree, 2nd degree, 3rd degree murder kind of thing... hrm I wonder if there is such a thing for rape. I think it's less defined and they tailor the punishments per case. Interesting idea, though.

For some reason I had it in my mind that you were gay... didn't you say somewhere that you are?

Edit: Maybe it was someone with a similar username.

[seamonster66]

err, no..maybe someone else said I am. I haven't really been around here lately. Who knows though, maybe someday I will discover a gay side or two.

[skybird]

Let me just clear out something here.

1. This incident happened when I was 14 years old.

2. Today I over 40 years old.

3. Apart from the fact that I think about this, I am in no way "effected" by this incident. It is not my character to drag this to my mature sexual health.

4. As far as I am concern and feel, I am quite sexually active, quite like any normal guy here. I fantasize just like anybody else else, and I am attracted to the same normal attractions, fantasies, everything that is normally good in life.

5. It has nothing to do with my fantasies in spanking. No. Like I said. I am exactly like anybody else who fantasyses in small women, large women, big boobs, small boobs, twosomes threesomes, what ever.

6. I do have my limitations and I do get sick and disgusted with stuff like Child sex, death sex, incence ( I hope I wrote ir right, I mean sex within a family, sister/brother sort of things) and things of this sort. I also donot believe in taking sex by force from anyone. It must be within consent and within the usual boundaries that are acceptable by normal people.

7. So no, I am not affected by that incident. That woman used to work in a local domestic work company and she never came to work again there.

8. I actually Identify and am not angry with the guy who said that I should be lucky. I suppose should this have occured to me now heck I would probably have a smile on my face with happiness. But under these cercumstances I was undeveloped at that time even though I was 14.

9. So no. I'm not gonna check up my mental status because of that. I believe I am okey.

Thank you.

[white ginger]

err, no..maybe someone else said I am. I haven't really been around here lately. Who knows though, maybe someday I will discover a gay side or two.

weird. whoops.

[Weeble]

I have to point out that I know a man that did 10 years in prison for "unappropriate touch" he was 38 and she was 10. She *never* even told him to stop and in fact smiled lovingly at him when he did touch her. Mentally he brought her up to his level. He never had sex with her but anyone who reviewed the case would say "poor girl was raped by her step-father".

But if a woman does the same thing to a boy it's not the same? Bullshit! ANY adult can take advantage of a child and even convince them that they actually WANT it, even when they don't. It is still a violation no matter how you look at it, even if it isn't rape.

[Trippin' Billies]

Yea, if you wanted her to stop (I don't know why, that seems pretty gay to me) .
HAHAHAHAHAHA

[seamonster66]

quote:It is still a violation no matter how you look at it, even if it isn't rape

The question was "is it rape?" He could have gotten away if he really wanted to, but he's my favorite person on hipforums, he knows how to play innocent. I'll give you molestation, but I still think that rape implies force and violence because I'm slower and more stupider than all of you.

[skybird]

He could have gotten away if he really wanted to,

That is just it. You guys did not really understand the text that I wrote.

I am saying that at that particular age you are standing on a ledge. Between puberty and childhood. You experience feelings yet you donot understand what they really are.

I could have broken loose and run like shit. Yet I didn't. My mind was scared but my body liked it. Can a woman who is getting raped also experience this ledge type feelings?

but he's my favorite person on hipforums

You talking about me? I'm here like a month or so. You don't really know me. :D

he knows how to play innocent

Again, are you talking about me? Innocence is relative. When I was 14 I was innocent, but as I said before I am 40 now. I have now gained grounds and I too have enough of a dirty mind to be your equal. ;)

[seamonster66]

Posts like that make me love you, getting beyond like now..

Seriously, you are one of my favorite writers on the scene here, and I'm just getting to know you...

But to answer your question,"no, a woman getting raped would want to get away even if her body somehow liked it, a woman being molested though, might stick around"

[skybird]

[QUOTE=seamonster66]Posts like that make me love you, getting beyond like now..

Seriously, you are one of my favorite writers on the scene here, and I'm just getting to know you...

[QUOTE]

Ha ha you remind me of me too. Have you read my other article called "can you say it?" It is all about free love, no matter who you are. Be it a man or a woman. We are not enough saying the "I love You" sentence. I think that love is more beautiful than any other things in the world. And sex is just one of the ways of innuending the sentence "I love you".

When I pick up more confidence here I will tell more about me. My opwn site, my own forum. :D

[bobbystone420]

Well, I guess I'll put in my truth here. I was raped by a big black guy in a motel room. It was non-consentual and he intimidated me, and after a while I realized I had to just comply, that nothing I would say would have made any difference. I'm a man, I'm not gay, and I had never had gay sex before in my life. All of a sudden I was not only having gay sex, but unprotected gay sex at that. I was totally freaked out, and the thing is, I honestly think all my sexual attitudes have been all convoluted since then till now. I ought to get some kind of counseling, but I don't know what to say. It's not a matter of getting over it. I'm fine, I go to work, I eat sleep and exercise and party a little just like the next guy. But my sexual picture is all fucked up, whether I like it or not. (Also, I didn't enjoy it one bit--unlike our friend here, who at least came, evidently his first orgasm in life, assuming his story's for real.)

[batmannu]

i got a bit turned on from this story.. written very well :) thank you :)

[skybird]

i got a bit turned on from this story.. written very well :) thank you :)

Your funny faces turn me on as well. :p

[batmannu]

ha ha ha you sillywilly :P

[skybird]

You were a kid,and thatwas kind of sick for her to do,,But, Im sure a lot of boys wouldve loved it,,.Wished it happened to them,,.

Well I already reiterated that I sensed some positive feelings that I have never experienced in my life until that point. I'm sure that if I was a girl I may have reacted differantly.

[Make Mangoes Not War]

I could have broken loose and run like shit. Yet I didn't. My mind was scared but my body liked it. Can a woman who is getting raped also experience this ledge type feelings?

Yes they can.