funny drunk

[happy.trees]

Symptom

Feet cold and wet.

Fault

Glass being held at incorrect angle.

Action

Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
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Symptom

Feet warm and wet.

Fault

Improper bladder control.

Action

Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
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Symptom

Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

Fault

Glass empty.

Action


Get someone to buy you another beer.
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Symptom

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

Fault

You have fallen over backward.

Action


Have yourself leashed to bar.
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Symptom

Mouth contains cigarette butts.

Fault

You have fallen forward.

Action


See above.
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Symptom

Beer tastless, front of shirt is wet.

Fault

Glass applied to wrong part of face.

Action

Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
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Symptom

Floor blurred.

Fault

You are looking thru bottom of empty glass.

Action

Get someone to buy you another beer.
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Symptom

Floor moving.

Fault

You are being carried out.

Action

Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
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Symptom

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.

Fault

Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

Action

Cover mouth. Apologize for vomitting.
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Symptom

Everyone looks up at you and smiles.

Fault

You are dancing on the table.

Action

Fall on someone cushy-looking.
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Symptom

Beer is crystal clear.

Fault

It's water. Someone is trying to sober you up.

Action

Punch him.
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Symptom

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

Fault

You have been in a fight.

Action

Apologize to eveyone you see, in case it was them.
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Symptom

Don't recognize anyone in room, don't recognize room.

Fault

You have wandered into the wrong party.

Action

See if they have free beer.
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Symptom

Your singing sounds distorted.

Fault

The beer is weak.

Action

Drink more beer until your voice improves.
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Symptom

Don't remember the words to the song.

Fault

Beer is just right.

Action

Play air guitar.

[happy.trees]

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.


The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?" He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us!"

[happy.trees]

Men are like...
...placemats
they only show up when there's food on the table.

...mascara
they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

...bike helmets
they're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.

...government bonds
they take so long to mature.

...copiers
you need them in reproduction but that's about it.

...lava lamps
fun to look at it but not all that bright.

...bank accounts
without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

...high heels
they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

...curling irons
they're always hot and always in your hair.

...mini skirts
if your not careful they'll creep up your legs.

...handguns
keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.

[lunatic_on_the_grass]

Those are all so good :)

[~peace~]

hahaha their funny

[Groovy Toker]

lava lamps are bright thoa..

[smlchance]

great posts happy.trees!