Run Free, Annie Girl...Run Free Forever

[~Sam~]

When I first saw her in the puppy pen, I knew. I knew that she was meant to be my friend. I picked her up and she put her spotted front paws around my neck and wouldn't let go.

On the way home, a 4 hour drive, she slept across my shoulders. And when we arrived home, Chynna the kitten put her kitten arms around Annie and claimed her as her own.

When I took sick and was confined to bed, Annie was right there... for 8 years... joined to me at the hip. She was content to lie next to me day in and day out. But, if we had to go to the doctors, or up to visit family, Annie was always there, riding happily in the back seat. Just content to be with us. And that was really when she Was the happiest. Just to be with us.

She was with me more than any other spirit I've ever known. 24/7... I could always look around and there she'd be... just looking up at me with those big brown eyes... wagging her tail slowly and anticipating my next move.

Annie saw me at my best, and she saw and knew me at my worse. She never judged me. I was her people, and she was my dog. That was the way it was supposed to be. That's the way it's been for all these years.

Two weeks ago, we animals knew that she was in serious straights. I watched as 20 pounds slid from her atheletic body to where she looked almost skeletal. I saw it coming, and yet I didn't want to recognize it for what it was. Death come a knockin'.

Yesterday, as I sat giving her goat milk with a syringe, only to have it come right back up, I cried to her; "Annie! Momma will take care of you Annie, I won't let you die." But she turned to me with brown eyes that had lost their life, and I knew that she knew. And so I sat and stayed with her during her final day here on earth, the same as she stayed with me when I was ill. And I cried with the love that I felt for this beautiful spirit and with the anticipated loss of my friend.

Ken took her to the Vet's this morning as soon as I could raise one on the horn. It was kidney failure. Nothing to be done... but we waited for the blood work to come back.

In the meantime, we closed on that house across the way, but it seemed so inconsequential compared to Annie's impending death. As it rightfully should have been.

Annie was a close friend and companion to the both of us for more than ten years. And up to the last, she was full of joy. So much so that I almost hesitated with our decision... But...

We said our farewells to her in the Vet's office. They brought in a blanket for her to lie on, spread it on the floor and I sat down and held her while they administered a sedative. As it took affect, I lowered her down to lie at my side... just like she used to do with me when I was the one who was ill and she was the comforter...

When she was relaxed, the Doc came in and I held Annie's leg vein off while she gave her the euthanasia.

Ken was weeping as much as I, but when her spirit was freed from her ailing body, I looked up at him and whispered; "Don't try to hold on... beathe out and let her go."

And then she was gone.

I feel her with me here, as I write this memory. I'll feel her with me, as I've felt her in life... forever loving, forever forgiving, forever just so full of heart. She was the best damned dog there ever was.

Her body, now lying wrapped in a sheet out by the rock garden, has just been rained on and washed clean of this physical world's pain and discomfort. We're going to go out and dig her grave now. I think we'll bury her collar with her, with that felt rosebud I had sewed on it, . She always felt naked without her collar around her neck.

Run Free, Annie Girl... Run Free Forever.

http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/638The_dog_on_the_path_to_cabin_19.jpg

[abudman]

Please accept my deepest sympathies for you loss. I recently lost my Miniature Schnauzer about 3 months ago. I am slowly getting over her death but will never be compltely "over" it. I didn't cry when my dad died, I didn't cry when my brother died, but when Missy died it tore my heart out. I think I know how you might be feeling at this time. I just read your definition of being a ball buster and can also relate to that very closely, but when I read about the passing of Annie this ball buster shed a tear. The death of my dog hurt so bad I swore I will never have another pet again. I still have a Lab/Shepperd mix only about 9yrs old. When he goes thats going to be it. I don't want to hurt like that ever again. I only hope they'll be there waiting for me when I get to where they are.

Peace,
Steve

[grendel 44]

Oh Sam, I am so sorry. I have a difficult time getting attached to pets, but I once had a siamese cat and felt the same way about him that you do about Annie. Iwent through his death with him and it was so hard. His name was Oscar (Oscar Wilde) and I swear he was my grandmother reincarnated, I could see her in his eyes.

Sorry, I didn't mean to go on about me (it really isn't all about me) and diminish your loss.I know you will hang in there with this because you are what you are, a strong woman, my thoughts are with you. Just let me know if you need a shoulder to scream at.

[Southernman]

Sam, I'm sorry about your lost.. Adrian just came over, like mostly, when he checks, that the computer is running and asked my about the pic of Annie. I told him, what happened and that you are very sad about this. He asked, is Annie now in heaven? I said yes, I think so, and he said, that's ok, he will ask his grandfather Kurt in pray, to take care for Annie, because he knows, that my father was a veterinary and he said, that I should post this to you, ok, I did it.

Take care of you,
with Love,
Juergen and awepojad<sfys< d (he says, this means Adrianhttp://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon16.gif)


http://www.onmarkproductions.com/assets/images/tanka-tibet-wheel-of-life-3-TN.jpg

[rubymontana]

Bye Annie....your momma loved you very much....Sam I am so very sorry. Hurts like a motherfucker,I know. Just stand still and grieve...
Peace be with you, Ruby

[~Sam~]

I don't know how to tell you guys how very much your feelings mean to the both of us. This is beating us up pretty bad. We never did get the grave dug yesterday... Ken is out there now... he's cried out but I'm still leaking everytime I turn around.

I came in and read Steve's, Juergen's & Adrian's and Grendel's replies this morning, but I was just walking around here lost and couldn't even find the words to thank you.

Your words have kept us company since I shared them with Ken this morning, and we appreciate that company in our state of numb.

Ruby, yes girl, it hurts like a motherfucker. I can't ever remember being loved and loving a spirit so much in this life.

But I do have a sense, a strange sense, of peace with her passing. This house and barn full of critter spirit individuals is positively radiating empathy and cooperation on a permanent like basis. It was so strange to bring Annie's body home, and to turn around and feel the peaceful release of all the tensions that have pervaded this valley since she became ill. The whole farm literally took a deep breath. I did too.

I understand how you feel Steve. Ken is sort of half way between you and I. Right now, I want a soft, warm, fuzzy puppy to bury my face in. I can't be without a dog for companionship... they're my inner sensors. I'm lost without their signals and vigilance everywhere we are. They don't let me miss things that I would normally miss.

So, I went looking in the Baltimore Sunday Sun's classified for puppies. I may go down this afternoon and look some Newfoundland/shepard crosses. I don't fucking know. I probably won't go anywhere... I'll just walk around and remember that lovely spotted dog getting into everything... and looking back at me with that smile she had.


Southernman.... Ken and I wept together as I told him of Adrian's prayer. You don't know how much this touched our hearts. It's an innocent feeling of 'wishing well' that we'll both take with us through time. You too. That was some post you rambled on through... I just wished I had had more together to tell you how I felt about your sharing with me... awesome....

Grendel, old woman... I'll make a farmer in theory our of you before you know it... and thanks for your empathy across the miles. I'll be more communicative once this washes through me and settles into it's places in my lives experience.


The more that I'm with this particular set of animals, the more I'm learning to see myself and the changes that are necessary for my growth. This one hurts a lot... and I'm learning the comfort of peace within myself to see me through this to the otherside and smiles again.


Ruby, that's the best piece of advice... and I'm taking it. I'm standing here and grieving. There's nothing else to do, except take that deep breath, release it, go out under the door while coming out through the top.


Thanks So Much ... Again and Again. You don't know how it feels to have such friends as you.

Love You All,
Sam

http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/638II_Annie_s_Grave_Marker.jpg
Her grave marker


http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/638II_Annie_s_Grave_II.jpg
Our Girl Annie's Grave out in the Rock Garden

[angelgodiva]

Sam, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have had to have a few old friends put out of their pain and I know exactly how you feel.
You will be in my heart and prayers...peace to you, sister.

[~Sam~]

Thank You, Angel. It's difficult to keep those, "Maybe IF I could'a, should'a, would'a have done this for her..." thoughts away at times. But...

I've found that it is possible to feel the hurt and emptiness and experience new love and hope at the same time... with respect to all parties.

His name is Cody. He's 12 weeks old and black as coal. I'm finding him a very mellow mix of Newfoundland and Shepard. He's been at my side since we picked him up yesterday morning... I think that Cody brings the balance to the yin and yang of the population here. We had too many crazy females yelling just to hear themselves yell... Kenny gives the thumbs up on this one... So does Raven, he nuzzled Cody's head this morning.

http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/638II_Cody_on_the_porch_II.jpg
Commander Cody


http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/638II_Cody_Sniffing_clover_blossoms.jpg
Cody sniffing clover blossoms



Kenny dug Annie the most beautiful grave. And the folks at the Vet's office put her body into such a peaceful, dreamlike last pose. Ken didn't want to look at her body, but he wanted to put her collar on, so I unwrapped her, and there she was, not horrible but still the beautiful body of my friend. I told him to take his gloves off and feel her... the body was cold... she was so obviously not here anymore.

Our hands smelled very strongly of her, and of death afterwards. A good, clean, natural smell. A smell that told me that she was no longer of this world, and that her agenda and mine are no longer the same. We put 4 of her favorite toys into the grave with her... and covered her by handsful of dirt until we couldn't see her. It's over, she's still in my heart and nothing will ever replace her there...

http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/638II_Annie_s_Grave_II.jpg
Annie's Grave out in the Rock Garden



The pup is a new beginning. A needed calming energy that was missing from the herd/pack. A change toward the better. You know what he brought me today while I was standing out in the barn? A 5 foot long, shed, Black Snake skin! It's perfect and freshly shed. It's the fifteenth snake encounter I've put my hands on and kept since last Nov.

Can I yak or what? Anyway, Thank You for sharing the loss of Annie with me... it feels good. And you and Bob enjoy Georgia! Have a safe trip... please come back to us.

Love,
Sam

[Sus]

Sam, I am just now reading this thread...I am so sorry for the loss of your canine buddy... I had a cat who died about 5 yrs. ago of kidney failure...he was my best friend, and had traveled all over the country with me while I was moving back east, and around the east coast...I did much the same when he died, stayed with him until he took his last breath. I sang to him the whole time too...and when I would stop to rest my voice, he would squawk at me (he was losing his voice as well..his meow was little more than a true squawk as he died). In his last moments, he looked at me with his big round black pupils opened wide, laid his head down, and died. It was sad, but peaceful, he was not in pain, but died near the person that loved him most. I figure, with the way he died, a part of his spirit flew into me and became a part of me...I cherish that little speck of love in me that always will hold a part of him!Love and blessings to you!

[~Sam~]

It is a True Gift to see a spirit across to the otherside, Sus. I'm so glad that you, too, could share that gift with your friend.

I planted flowers on Annie's grave yesterday. Two Martha Washington Geraniums and three different kinds of ferns. I put a small, pottery teddy bear angel on the grave too. We're going to have a bas relief marker with her likeness made by a sculptor friend... but I'm painting a temporary marker in the meantime.

Commander Cody, our new pup by name, laid down at my knees while I was planting those flowers. He's slipped in to share our lives with us as if he's always belonged. And so he has.

With the house we just bought across the stream (it will eventuall be our retirement home), and the increased workload around here... I'll be doing the mowing and yardwork... I won't be here so often...

So, I'll sign off here and let you know that everything is fine... I'll be thinking of you all... and I'll be back when I can.

Love to All...
Sam

Nature in her unfathomable designs has mixed us of clay and flame, of brain and mind, that the two things hang indubitably together and determine each other's being, but how or why, no mortal may ever know.

~ William James
Principles of Psychology, Chapter VI

[strawpuppy]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

We lost Reme at the age of 17, that was 6 years ago.....
All the family was with him when he died. Managed to get the vet to come to our house.
As he grew older I knew that one day he would tell me when he was ready, and he did.
I will never forget looking into his eyes as I stroked him goodbye...
We had always talked, that was our last conversation and it still brings tears to my eyes.
I could never forget that love...

NOW, six years later, (we waited for a long time).... is REME2...(photo below).....We picked him from the pound two weeks ago, and already he is a valued member of the family (...and talking away in all his puppy glory...)


http://www.ancestorsinprint.com/reme2.jpg

Strawpuppy

[~Sam~]

We keep that Love in our hearts always, Strawpuppy... Always. Even though we have to let them go, we come to realize that they would show us respect and let us go to walk different paths. I grieve with you also.

But... Your new pup is Gorgeous! He has big feet like ours! A lot of growing for all concerned. Much Luck with your new pack mate...

Love,
Sam

[Power_13]

There are tears in my eyes right now, Sam...reading your post reminded me of the loss of Tess, my family's last dog. It can be such a strain to see a pet, practically a family member for years, in such a state that they can barely even breathe :(.

I'm sorry for your loss...and I'll be thinking of you, and Annie

[~Sam~]

Thank You, Power... Thank You So Much.

When I take the new pup out to 'take care of business', we walk by Annie's resting place. I talk to her still, although I know that she has journeyed on.

I feel her letting me go, to live in my recent future. Much the same as I have had to let her go to run free in her new reality.

The Love never dies, nor is it replaced by new Loves. The heart is big enough to accommodate All Love. The more that you add, the bigger that capacity for Love becomes.

Love to You this Fine Day,
Sam

[scratcho]

As i sit here reading these posts through tears,long overdue,i'm so ashamed of myself.It's been years since I have thought of my only dog,Jessie.We loved each other so much.I lost her in 74,after having been her friend for only two short years.Absolute ,unequivical love can only exist with our little friends that love and trust us,it seems.I'm so sorry for your loss,Sam--and happy too,that you have found a new little friend.-----I know now that it's time for me to go to the pound and find a new love.There are so many little ones that need it--and a bunch of us big ones too-----------thank you---scratcho-------------

[~Sam~]

I'm so glad that this thread brought you here, Scratcho... Not to be ashamed... it just wasn't the time yet.

There's a friend out there who needs you Now, the same as you need them. And, you're right about the unequivical love from our animal brothers... Love just doesn't get any more Absolute than their open hearts and souls offer us... if we're willing and open enough to accept it as freely.

so... Go out there and find that fuzzy, warm bundle of Love when you're moved to... It just don't get any better. They teach us so much about ourselves and what's missing from our hearts.

I'll be thinking of you,
Sam

[strawpuppy]

Amen,

And I love you all too...

If reincarnation exists, I would like to come back as a dog that one of you owns....

UPDATE.....
Reme2 is as happy and as loved as any "Being" can be...(and of couse as with all animals when treated right) gives so much more, that astounds us and defies our comprehension....

strawpuppy...and reme(Happy)2