How to ask bf for an open relationship?

[meepmeep5000]

hi you guys,
I'm 19, I've been dating a guy for 2 years and he's my first "real" boyfriend. Lately (past 2 months) have been having crushes on other boys while still really liking my boyfriend. We live in different towns and only get to see eachother on weekends...and recently we haven't been spending much time together cos he's got family stuff. it's cool but I've been feeling rather pent up...and my interests in other boys continue. How should I ask my bf to open our relationship, I just want to be involved with one other person (possibly)...

thanks
Tracy

[Atom bomb therapy]

First off, you're 19 so you are extremely young. When i was 19 I had all kinds of boyfriends(and girlfriends.hehe) anyways, just sit him down and tell him the truth. Explain things to him very clearly and be sweet about it. If he starts freaking out or whatever just tell him you still want to hang out and see him, but you want other friends too. This is always a tough situation. Good luck.

[meepmeep5000]

ya....theres also a girl in one of my classes that I have a crush on... i don't know anything about her except that she is very pretty...and smiles...which is certainly a plus...

[hippychickmommy]

Do you love him, do you really want to continue your relationship with him, or is it one of convenience, meaning, to have someone there? If you indeed love and care for him, and he is willing to explore an open relationship, then so be it, but maybe you just need to move on, maybe you're just not into your current relationship and are looking for a way out subconsciously to distance yourself due to dissatisfaction.

I don't know, just a thought.

[stinkfoot]

How open are you willing to have the relationship? If he were to be seeing another chica on the side how would that register with you? If no problems that MIGHT be the angle you approach from.

If there IS a problem than you're better off either repressing your feelings for other guys and gals OR breaking things off to explore other horizons.

[meepmeep5000]

I love Ken very much, he's crazy and we've gone through some trials but I can really tell that he's trying... Its strange cos he makes me very happy and very sad..and he can piss me off like none other...
as far as the open relationship thing goes...Well see, he and I have talked about it before and he's given me his ideas on it. He says he has no interest in being with anyone else but that he will let me do whatever I think is right... it wont be a surprise or anything when I bring it up... i guess I just need to make sure its worth it. These crushes.... I've been really straightforward with the guy I am currently really into I flirt and I told him that I have a bf... he said its cool. after I get to know him...if he's worth it I'll talk to Ken (the bf) about it..

[IronGoth]

"Hey, boyfriend. I'm going to sleep with other people. The question is, do you still want me to sleep with you at the same time and have you as my sweetie.

If the answer is yes, you're cool and hip and it's an open relationship.

If the answer is no, g'bye, church boy. Mama's boy."

[meepmeep5000]

any more advice? I'd value it..=)

[IronGoth]

Yeah, your BF basically has no self-respect, and either he will dump you in disgust or you will move away from him out of guilt or cause you like another better.

Makes more sense just to break up, no?

[Libertine]

Touchy, touchy subject here.

[SillyBird]

The only time I ever wanted to have an open relationship was when I found out this guy I was with was terrible in the sack. He was everything I wanted in a guy but he just didn't satisfy me. He got with a girl that is president of the abstinence club at her school. So that explains that situation.

Hey, a girl has needs.

edit: I don't know if it was so much open that I wanted or just over. Anyway just be honest with this guy, it can't hurt.

[dangermoose]

i beg to differ, honesty can most certianly hurt, but it would be best at anyrate...make sure you want to do thise because it could crush you too...and even fi he says its okay he could hold it agaisnt you for the rest of your time together

[IdentityCrisis]

He obviously said you could do whatever you want because he respects your freedom, not because he wants you to. I don't think you should go after two guys (or girls) at once because it's unfair to both parties. Break up with the first person before going on to the next.

[lakshen]

Hehe, if I had a gf and she asked that, well then I wouldn't have a gf anymore pretty much no matter how much I loved her...

I'm on for a three way possibly... But an open relationsship isn't me...

I would ask him tho, some guys are okay with it and others love it...

[Atom bomb therapy]

i agree libertine.

[rmorgan]

Sounds like you want someone to fall back on if things don't work out with a new guy. If you're going to hurt him, do it now, rather than some long drawn-out hurt with months of being unsure about what--if anything--he means to you. Don't be a wimp. Make a decision, one way or the other, and stick with it.

I've been in the position you're putting him in and it isn't fun.

R

[IronGoth]

I agree with rmorgan, wholeheartedly.

[imaginarytree]

All I can offer on the subject is just don't cheat on him and then ask about it. I could almost guarantee you he'll either say or be thinking "why? Did you already do something", and just not asking and going behind his back will hurt him and leave you with alot of guilt, trust me.

[MarvlMan]

Bring it up casually if he's ever though about an open relationship and go from there

Not that fuckin hard

[Bionic Rooster]

Invite dude #2 and his gf/bf out to dinner with you and dude #1. Better still would be to have everyone meet at a party or club. Try getting them into you with some group action. Remember, this is just the icebreaker and you shouldn't commit to either of them if you are truly seeking open relationships. The "openness" won't just apply to one person, but will apply to all those who get between your legs.

If neither dude minds you bouncing around, then you have it made. It is not impossible to respect someone who shares that they enjoy a "no strings" relationship. It is, however, difficult to accept when it is learned through deception.

If you want more than one cock/cunt at a time in your life, remember also that the open relationship you seek must go both ways, therefore they too should share in the idea of wanting more than one cunt/cock at a time in thier life.

That is the only way the "no strings" approach will work consistently. Openness is paramount.

[samson]

offer to set him up with a date, as well as having one yourself - then you can both come back and talk it over to see how you each felt about it. Everyone is always more interested in the "open" part, but you cant forget the "relationship" part too.

[MarvlMan]

Buy a vibrator and don't worry about it?

[Trickster]

The best way is to just ask. You could always get a friend to ask but i feel it's better for you to. The sooner you do it, the sooner you'll know how he feels and what direction you will need to take.



hi you guys,
I'm 19, I've been dating a guy for 2 years and he's my first "real" boyfriend. Lately (past 2 months) have been having crushes on other boys while still really liking my boyfriend. We live in different towns and only get to see eachother on weekends...and recently we haven't been spending much time together cos he's got family stuff. it's cool but I've been feeling rather pent up...and my interests in other boys continue. How should I ask my bf to open our relationship, I just want to be involved with one other person (possibly)...

thanks
Tracy

[ChaosD]

Just break up with him. Or agree to take a break in the relationship. Open relationships rarely work out, and if you already feel lke this, well there are already problems. I mean only 2 years in and you are looking for other guys? And this doesn't sound like something purely sexual, but more like you are searching for someone else to test out and compare. The guy sounds like a cool dude, don't screw him up emotionally for your selfish needs.

[electricstar]

There is not an unique answer because it al depends on the psychology and sensibility of the two person involved. If you don't know what is the right thing to do torward your BF then you have a problem because this means you know very very few about his psychology. Allright? Don't do anything until you know some more please!

So my answer is something related to my psychology but not necessarily right if related to your BF's.
Now if a girlflend tells me, did you know? Yesterday I had sex with a guy full of muscles and with blue eyes! I probably laugh, open two beers and ask... wow and did you have fun? Well I'm glad if you did.
But if she has some kind of doubt about me or us and I could be substituted by big-jim, then I'd prefer she to tell me about problems we have before going to bed with big jim. Clear? The third option is: she wants to try with 2 males at once. But this does not seem to be your case.

[Trickster]

Psychology is fine and well, but even people who have been together decades still ask the other questions about themselves. We're constantly growing and changing. If we never asked questions we would never know anything. Even Psychologists, who supposedly have a good grip on human behaviour, are still asking questions. It's the easiet way to know how this guy feels, and the most obvious.

[WayfaringStranger]

i think if you want to see other dudes, then do your man a favor and cut him lose so he can go on with his life. the whole open relationship has rarely left anyone happy in the long run. just pic one or the other. him or everyone else. dont be so selfish.

[electricstar]

Sister, if you polemize this way with my post then I assume you didn't understand a thing of what I actually wrote. Please read again.
I exactly said the same thing. Included that before acting one need to know. For me it was obvious that this means "asking" and talking to each other... not "imagine" or "guess" for sure! :)
Peace

Psychology is fine and well, but even people who have been together decades still ask the other questions about themselves. We're constantly growing and changing. If we never asked questions we would never know anything. Even Psychologists, who supposedly have a good grip on human behaviour, are still asking questions. It's the easiet way to know how this guy feels, and the most obvious.

[mooka]

hey

i'm kind of in the same position, except i've already slept with a girl and now, a bit scared of how he'll take it, i havent told him....
we talked about it in the summer actually and agreed that because we live far away from eachother it was alright to have 'one night stand' type things with other people but that getting emotionally involved with someone else would probaly mean there were problems between us....
thing is with these things its so hard to talk 'hypothetically'... so many ideas seem right or sound appealling but faced with the actually situation reactions could be totally different.

now alot of what we've said seems wrong to me, especially because i'm really starting to realise how posessive he is... not in a bad way other than he would be hurt by me having sex with another person no matter how much he likes the idea of being 'free' to explore our own seperate ways....
i also think its wrong of us to stick to a 'ignorance is bliss' attitude: we decided it was best not to tell eachother, unless we asked eachother directly, no lies...
yea, again, so hard to tell......and thats not even mentioning how i might realistically react if i found out he had slept with a close friend of his for example.....

psychology is right, i think it probably depends on each situation, each combination of partners.... and depends on knowing yourself also and being honest with yourself and your partner.

peace

[Trickster]

I love the way a conscience develops after the act. Look, you're probably a nice person but decency is not high on your list at the moment. Number 1: DO NOT DO IT AGAIN.

Number 2: If you are found out, you are going to get your arse kicked, lose a special person and feel completely ashamed. Just don't lie and don't say it was "just sex". If you make it sound like nothing, you have to explain why you did something meaningless anyway, when you should've left it.
One would say be honest, but that would be making you feel better about your guilt. It would also not have him feel like a bigger fool in the future. On the other hand, this isn't about you. If you tell are honest, you will devastate someone who doesn't deserve it. I hope it was worth it. Either you live with your guilt or braeak a heart. Who is more important and who should you be thinking of now. Them? or yourself?

[mooka]

well, since it was my first sexual experience with a girl, it was something i 'needed' (to some extent at least...) to do. i dont think i would sleep with anyone else without first talking to him about it now, but that particular time i really felt i had to answer some questions for myself about my sexuality, so it wasnt meaningless.

and i dont feel guilt -maybe i 'should', but i sincerely dont, it doesnt weigh on my conscience, i just feel that at the moment he isnt in a secure enough state of mind to accept it, although i also think that will change at some point: then i can tell him about the experience, as opposed to 'admitting' to something.
anyway, i agree with you though, in 'regular' circumstances e.g. with a guy, i wouldnt just go ahead, to think about any consequences later

peace

[Mr X]

There has to be a certain amount of maturity involved when seeking a open relationship. If having a open relationship is important to you then talk to your BF about it but be prepared that he goes mental and tells you that you are a woman of loose morals or words to that affect. That is the price you may have to pay, so think carefully about it. Is sex that important to you?

Back to your original question of how to ask for an open relationship?
You may try to first determine his moral character by assesing his attitude to other peoples infedelities. Such as when a famous person cheats on their partner. If he goes off and reckons that the person doing the cheating is a so an so then you can be pretty sure that he will not be happy about an open relationship. However if he is cool about famous people screwing around then you could steer the conversation around to your own situation.
Make sure if you have multiple partners to use a condom, nothing like an STD to wreck your sex life.
Lastly remember sex can become an addiction and any addiction is a little unhealthy.

[Dynamite J]

"Hey, boyfriend. I'm going to sleep with other people. The question is, do you still want me to sleep with you at the same time and have you as my sweetie.

If the answer is yes, you're cool and hip and it's an open relationship.

If the answer is no, g'bye, church boy. Mama's boy."
Whoa. So if i don't want my girl sleeping with another guy that suddenly makes me a mama's boy?! Well, if that isn't a bunch of BS i don't know what is!

[onelovemission]

Hi

I will give you the same advice I give to everyone (almost). You are young, just do what feels right to you. Stop stressing about it, just do it.

If you want to sleep with other people, do it, if you just want to sleep with one guy, do it.

I will give you a tip, a lot of peole could learn from this... next time you want advice don't look on an internet forum, don't ask friends, family teachers or anyone else.

Do the simplest thing and the only thing that will work for you long run...
ask yourself, that's right, look within. We all have within us an infinite source of knowing what's right for us. Most of us never go there because along with knowledge come great responsibilities. These days people don't want to be responsible for themselves, so they give their power away to others so they can avoid this.

YOU are the only One who knows what is right for YOU. Empower yourself and be free.

Blessings

[Confissledone]

Hey, I'm pretty muck gonna offer the same advice most people gave, just be honest with him..if you dont care much about him then dump him and go on with the sex spree but if you do really care then be open and honest on what you want.

Now that most people have given you advice and there's 4 pages of it why dont you update everyone on what you plan on doing whether breaking up, talking to him, cheating on him, or simply forgetting about giving your body to guys other than your man?

[Bumble]

fuck relationships! they're nothing but trouble. I was with a boy for 3.5 years and he ended up cheating on me with several people for almost a year. I kicked him to the curb and never looked back. Of course it hurt big time! I was about to hit a road and say fuck it all. I learned a lot. Never settle down until you're old and ready. You can love multible people. You can get with multible people. Sex is our animal instinct, so why stop ourselves from experiencing it? You're only 19! Don't let any boy tell you what to do. If he's not ok with it, then fuck him.

[Confissledone]

Damn bumble so much violence lol

[Bumble]

Damn bumble so much violence loloh it's over. I'm peaceful and happy with my life now. I've learned a lot.

[Confissledone]

So whats going on? Did you talk to your boyfriend and ask him for an open relationship?

[the kb stockpiler]

hi you guys,
I'm 19, I've been dating a guy for 2 years and he's my first "real" boyfriend. Lately (past 2 months) have been having crushes on other boys while still really liking my boyfriend. We live in different towns and only get to see eachother on weekends...and recently we haven't been spending much time together cos he's got family stuff. it's cool but I've been feeling rather pent up...and my interests in other boys continue. How should I ask my bf to open our relationship, I just want to be involved with one other person (possibly)...

thanks
TracyMaybe you are insecure about the potential of being alone because subconsciously you understand that the guy you have a crush on is only interested in you as a conquest which won't take long to fore fill. A large part of the dialog on this forum that is not addressed is the relationship between matriarch and patriarch worlds colliding. A boyfriend/girlfriend serves other purposes than we consciously notice. They usually are obligated to be a companion on holidays and other things that don't just include sex. Boyfriends act as a partial no trespassing sign to the advances that girls don't appreciate. If you openly admit that you are single abusive males see this as no reason that you can't have a physical relationship with them. Girls use this to keep their affairs from their boyfriends.It operates as a tool of discretion. Other people won't talk openly about it in case your boyfriend overhears it. People usually get the maddest at the messenger. If you want to be open, you will need an open boyfriend to have a relationship with.

[sylvanlightning]

Hi

I will give you the same advice I give to everyone (almost). You are young, just do what feels right to you. Stop stressing about it, just do it.

If you want to sleep with other people, do it, if you just want to sleep with one guy, do it.

I will give you a tip, a lot of peole could learn from this... next time you want advice don't look on an internet forum, don't ask friends, family teachers or anyone else.

Do the simplest thing and the only thing that will work for you long run...
ask yourself, that's right, look within. We all have within us an infinite source of knowing what's right for us. Most of us never go there because along with knowledge come great responsibilities. These days people don't want to be responsible for themselves, so they give their power away to others so they can avoid this.

YOU are the only One who knows what is right for YOU. Empower yourself and be free.

Blessings
All is choice :)

[the kb stockpiler]

hi you guys,
I'm 19, I've been dating a guy for 2 years and he's my first "real" boyfriend. Lately (past 2 months) have been having crushes on other boys while still really liking my boyfriend. We live in different towns and only get to see eachother on weekends...and recently we haven't been spending much time together cos he's got family stuff. it's cool but I've been feeling rather pent up...and my interests in other boys continue. How should I ask my bf to open our relationship, I just want to be involved with one other person (possibly)...

thanks
TracyMaybe you are insecure about the potential of being alone because subconsciously you understand that the guy you have a crush on is only interested in you as a conquest which won't take long to fore fill. A large part of the dialog on this forum that is not addressed is the relationship between matriarch and patriarch worlds colliding. A boyfriend/girlfriend serves other purposes than we consciously notice. They usually are obligated to be a companion on holidays and other things that don't just include sex. Boyfriends act as a partial no trespassing sign to the advances that girls don't appreciate. If you openly admit that you are single abusive males see this as no reason that you can't have a physical relationship with them. Girls use this to keep their affairs from their boyfriends.It operates as a tool of discretion. Other people won't talk openly about it in case your boyfriend overhears it. People usually get the maddest at the messenger. If you want to be open, you will need an open boyfriend to have a relationship with.