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Acid_Rain
06-23-2004, 09:21 PM
just an introspective piece, please give constructive criticism:

Listen. I am alone, all alone. People move lightly around me, scatter themselves about, but i am still alone. I felt someone brush my shoulder--a touch of reality, but no unification. I hear footsteps and realize they're passing by me--passing me by. They stop, then start again, but ultimately they'll go, leaving me behind them.

Why am I alone? I think, well, i thought that no one was; but it's true that I am. I am alone because it's obligation, not choice. It's true for all of us though right? Everyone leaves, and everyone is left--it's nature. Humanity is nature, but only a small part of it...therefore we can alter it, but it can't exactly change it. Nature does what it has to, does what it was taught to do. Nature isn't lonely; I am.

I have found that we are all alone, but not every is lonely. Some people are given a slice of companionship, to soothe the pain of alone. Passion can ease alone, but not erase it. Your souls are connected for a brief time; but not forever. After lust takes over and then passes over, all that's left is an ache. A need for more....something else. A need for eternity--but that escaped as easily as you caught it.

I was in love once. I thought I had lost alone, but it was still there. Resting, waiting in the back of my mind. A simple touch coudln't make it go away, a whisper couldn't capture it, and a kiss could never smother it. Even so, I had my temporary completeness. Now, when I look in the mirror I see my reflexion. It stares at me, it mocks me. I run my fingers across the glass, but it's cold. There is no warmth to absorb from myself. I look again. I am alone.

ThrftShopSweater
06-24-2004, 07:53 AM
I think your peice was a very truthful statement. I dont have anything but praise for it, the characters u chose to emphisize your meaning fit perfectly and it almost sounds like a poem :-) great job!

Defence_mechanism
06-24-2004, 10:46 AM
ur piece goes so well with the song im listening to.. lol. it's by The Whitlams. u probably havent heard of them... they're Australian. but the song's really chill out and smooth... and i got my incense burning... and the picture in ur sig really tops it off. haha

anyway, thats exactly how i feel a lot. u captured it. nice job :)

Acid_Rain
06-24-2004, 08:44 PM
thanks you guys :) i do write poetry, but a lot of times I find myself with pieces like this...not really a poem or a story.