The Invisible Dance

[innocentpoison333]

The Invisible Dance

I’m dancing for you My Love
Do you see how light I am on my feet?
Watch me twirl My Dear
So I may fall in defeat.

Do you notice how I stare?
Do you see the roses in my hair?
I wore my dress of red
I thought it would turn your head…

Look my way Love
Can’t you see me through the crowd?
Should I be screaming out loud?
My feet are aching…my heart breaking


I dance so divine
Mayhap I need be more refine?
Is the color of my dress too red?
I feel as if I am losing my head.

The girls surround you
Flock to be by your side
They press their hands upon your chest
But it is I who loves you best.

I am starting to feel dizzy
And I fear I’m getting weak
My mind is going crazy
Do you admire my physique?

My feet now bleed
Tears clouding my view
I stretch my arms out
To You

I stand alone now
Twirling in circles
My feet bleeding on the floor
But still I dance some more

My dress is torn
And those lovely roses…
Have fallen from my hair
I am in despair

I keep dancing though on this bloody floor
Although you chose to ignore,
I promise to dance forever
Until you take notice and adore

[citrus_seas]

very cool..i like the imagery alot. I get a sense of colors and sounds, and the colors of sounds, and the sounds of colors. Very far-out

[mariecstasy]

wow, that was fantastic....i so thoroughly felt the shift in hope to dispair and it made my heart bleed to.....hope is a wonderful emotion unless it gives you a false sense of reality...

[sylvanlightning]

Thank you for this joyful honoring of Self.

[TrippinBTM]

Well, some of the rhyming was forced, some parts didn't rhyme, and the rhyme scheme wasn't consistent. Nonetheless, I really liked the poem. The emotion is really coming through, the love, then the broken heart.

[Duck]

I have mixed feelings about it
I liked the inconsistence
I did not like how forced some of the rhymes seemed
I liked alot of the imagery but some things seemed they could have been emphasized more

but overall it was pretty good
keep at it

[shaba]

I think you made it longer than you had to. But the starting was brilliant, keep writing!