“It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough.”

“Never get involved with someone who wants to change you”

“However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police.”

“The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.”

“Vice is its own reward”

“If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.”

“The war between the sexes is the only one in which both sides regularly sleep with the enemy”

“If you describe things as better than they are, you are considered to be a romantic; if you describe things as worse than they are, you will be called a realist; and if you describe things exactly as they are, you will be thought of as a satirist.”

“The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.”

“The curiosity of the neighbors about you, is a tribute to your individuality, and you should encourage it”

“Of course I lie to people. But I lie altruistically - for our mutual good. The lie is the basic building block of good manners. That may seem mildly shocking to a moralist - but then what isn't?”

“There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.”

“Life was a funny thing that occurred on the way to the grave”

“Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are.”

“I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum.”

“You should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster”

“In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.”

“It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.”

“To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.”

"the trouble with children is that there not returnable"