Have alot of free time on my hands at times and my thoughts try to unfold but i dont let them most of the time.I still cannot accept the loss of my mother,due to breast cancer,i still wait for her to call or walk through the door.I still cannot accept the loss of my little brother who passed away at the age of thirty due to what they say was a heart attack,i still wait for him to call or visit at anytime.I was incarcerated when my mother died and i had thirty more days left,then i was going to be there for her and help her.If i had not gotten in trouble i wouldnt have been locked up to begin with,then i picked up more charges in prison for fighting and that added more time.No pne told me how bad my mom was getting while i was sitting there in prison,no one wrote or anything,i cannot get pass these events that have taken place in my life,i feel all sorts of feelings when i reflect back to that time,and it has been years but it still feels like yesterday,i feel alot of pain that is mixed with rage and anger,then there are feelings of sadness and lots of darkness,yet i keep this all bottled up and dont share it with no one.Then there is the death of my young brother and the things that took place during that time were and still are very awful,i dont believe it or people,the things people do who have know buisness,i could go on and on,but i have to take care of my 15yr old husky right now,it seems like she is the only one that really understands....I will write more soon....