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Old 11-01-2011, 03:25 PM   Being bi-polar
100179
ChronicTom
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Location: Northern Ontario, Canada
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Being bi-polar

Now first off, let me be clear about something... I was dianosed as being manic depressive a very long time ago. Note that that is not, I am manic depressive, or bi-polar... A guy in an office made that judgement call and stuck that label on me... That my mind doesn't work the same as normal people's, is a given... In some ways, it does follow the pattern of being bi-polar... in some ways it doesn't. Just like you will find with everyone who is disagnosed with some form of mental/emotional dis-order.

For ANYONE to say, this person is bi-polar and this works (or doesn't) for them, so it will do the same for everyone, is the height of arrogance and stupidity.

I have done the medical route, and had my life destroyed multiple times because of the results.

As I don't have a choice about the way my mind works, I had to find some form of solution that didn't make thing worse and allowed me to find some measure of stability in life.

I did, and I am very open about it, what it does for me, the problems it causes AND the fact that it may not do the same for anyone else.


This does not mean I have myself under control... this does not mean I am 'fixed' as long as I smoke weed. It means that out of all of the alternatives I have tried, I found one that seems to work the best FOR ME.

What I find to be the most obnoxious about other people, is their instistance that being bi-polar, just requires someone to exercise more control... or to try harder... or to undertand the consequences...

Let me make this clear to everyone...

If you can control your mood swings with any method, then you are not bi-polar, or at least not to the same effect that I (and a lot of other people) are.

Need that explained?

A serious chemical imbalance in the brain, caused by a person's body not producing something in the proper amount, IS NOT CONTROLABLE by the mind...

If the medical system knew enough about the physical workings of a brain, it may be possible one day that they could 'fix' someone being bi-polar. However, that day has not yet come... in fact, they don't even know enough to do anything other then make wild guesses as to the cause and effects of these things...

To the point of this though... and this is something very important to anyone who is around someone who is bi-polar...

If you can't accept that the person's emotional control is not a cause/effect issue like it is in most people... it would be best if you chose not to be around them...

I can't tell you how many times, through every single aspect of my life, that I have been told by 'professionals' things that indicate that regardless of what they say, they think that being bi-polar is a choice, and is something that can be set aside when it is important.

Re-read that and think about it...

It gets worse though... Because it isn't just 'professionals' that do this... although it may very well be related to the the fact that they do...

Worse, is when people you care about (whom you know care about you), do the same thing.

Imagine being trapped in a world, where at any moment, your emotions could literally flip to the opposite of what they had just been, and then being told that you choose to be that way...

Worse yet, imagine one where things like that happened, and you were literally blamed for being that way...

One of the leading causes to relationships (business or personal) ending when they involve someone is bi-polar, are caused by the mistaken impression that the bi-polar person woke up one morning and decided to "insert anything you want in here", and most likely (according to the person on the recieving end) did it from some twisted form of spite...

I make a comparison often that I don't think most people really get...

Would you blame a quadrapelgic for not being able to get up and walk, and accuse them of trying to make your life harder by choosing to be in a wheelchair?

Let's pick a specific person... would you walk up to Stephen Hawking and tell him that he needs to learn to walk and talk like a normal person because you can't handle his disability?

Yet, that is what almost everyone does to people with emotional disabilities...

Now, carry that thought a little further... put yourself in the place of that person.

How would you feel to be constantly treated like that? Imagine that no matter where you turned... professionals, friends, lovers, family basically pretty much everyone acted like that.

Where would you turn? Who would you talk to? What would you do?

Are those hard questions to answer?

Imagine being the person who has zero choice in the matter but to face those questions, each and every waking moment of their fucking life....

 

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11-02-2011, 05:59 AM Old
 
100179
ChronicTom ChronicTom is offline
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Location: Northern Ontario, Canada
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Man... I think that guy above was a little cranky this morning... lol
11-02-2011, 10:47 AM Old
 
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 oldwolf oldwolf is offline
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Yah, I can imagine, having lived with a diagnosed bipolar with manic depressive and schitzoid tendencies (this by many psychiatrist and psychologists).
I can also imagine that each person does have some amount of control over their own actions and reactions.
If that is a statement that causes great disagreement with you....then I agree that we will not be able to communicate with any real understanding.

When a person maintains that they cannot control themselves, then they open the door to others controlling them. Seems that would make one acknowledge that some amount of control, enough to make then "not-dangerous", remains.

Throughout time the behaviorists and those who think that we each do indeed have some semblance of self-control, have argued this;
often espousing ideas that at later times might seem ludicrous.....even as the idea that we Can affect and effect change within, may be deemed entirely implausable by another, more controlling society (shudder - how is that possible ? !)

As one who has found myself more often than not feeling apart, rather than finding general acceptance, I've come to enjoy and even applaud the idea that I do not "fit" this society.

And for those that Are different..., Blessed Be, make the most of it !

Namaste
11-02-2011, 02:46 PM Old
 
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ChronicTom ChronicTom is offline
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Location: Northern Ontario, Canada
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oldwolf, although I generally respect what you have to say.... seriously get a fucking grip and actually read what I said, or dont ever fucking post here again.

If you don;'t understand the difference in between what I was talking about and other people trying to control somoene, you have suffered brain damage...
11-05-2011, 11:50 AM Old
 
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reb reb is offline
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ahem...is that guy above grouchy again?

i am sure you understand why i live alone. i'm tired of idiots judging me. everyone else, including the liberals, conservatives, libertarians...name 'em...there are lots of labels...want you to behave like they do. it's 'right', you know? i mean, those shrinks have a big manual to classify you. if you fit in their manual, then you are obviously 'not normal'. really! look at all the normals! they fall in line, take what the judgers give them...the judgers are the only ones who have the right to set standards!

fuck 'em.
11-07-2011, 05:57 PM Old
 
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ChronicTom ChronicTom is offline
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Location: Northern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6653
Actually, I don't think it was grouchiness in the first place, or in my last reply...

It's frustration with fucking idiots who seem to think that being bi-polar (or any other 'invisible disability) is a choice...

If it was a fucking choice, I wouldnt be bi-polar... is that really that fucking hard to understand?

I swear, the next person who gets in my face in real life and says shit like that to me is likely going to be the trigger that sends me to jail, because I am probably going to fucking beat them within an inch of their fucking life...

It's worse when you get jackasses that say shit like "well, I'm bi-polar and this is the way I am, so you must be the same".

What some people don't seem to grasp very well is that if they CAN control their issues, then they have a very mild case of it in comparison to what some others have.

I really like analogies seems people have a hard time making simple connections in their brains...

It is the same thing as if someone walked up to a quadrapelgic and said,

"hey, I used to be in a wheelchair, but I just did some exercise and I can walk again... You're just letting other people tell you that you can't walk"

Like seriously... what the fuck is up with people?
11-07-2011, 06:20 PM Old
 
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reb reb is offline
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i'll tell you what's up with people...we have a tendency to think that everyone 'thinks/lives/acts' like us. it's bullshit, but that's the way almost everyone thinks.

then, there is the added tendency, when someone is proven to NOT think/live/act like us-to try to FORCE them to whether they like it or not.

humans suck. you know this, Tom.

don't hit some dumb fuck or stick 'em with an ice pick. that will make you as dumb as they are. i hear jail aint that great.

then...here's another idea...if you believe that intelligence is a bellcurve (and it mostly is, i think) then the vast, vast majority of people have + or - 100 iq. have you ever dealt with someone with that level of iq? that's those who are meant to be ruled, dude...and mostly, are ruled.

be well. be grouchy if you like. be bipolar. but don't be a convict.

a good challenge for you would be to develop interesting responses to idiots...like 'have you quit beating your wife yet?'. those conundrums confound the less than brilliant.

something like 'what level of psychological education did you complete before they washed you out to draw a conclusion like you just did about bipolar people?'.
11-07-2011, 07:11 PM Old
 
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ChronicTom ChronicTom is offline
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Location: Northern Ontario, Canada
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well, I guess that pretty much confirms that I'm not people....

Because I am pretty sure there is nobody that is just like me... and I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I have been to get to be the way I am....

Chances are slim I will be hitting anyone soon... and I'd never use a weapon unless I was taking it away from them first... lol

I think this is becoming my balance for what I am doing elsewhere right now... I am timing what I am doing between moods...

Funny thing is... I even expected that exact sort of answer from someone... I can think of at least a dozen that normally would have said something like that to me.... and it would have just rolled off me because I have no respect for them in any fashion...

It's when people that really should know better do it, that it really triggers me... and it doesn't matter what the intent was... It could have been (and most likely was) meant to be in the most supportive manner he could come up with and it doesnt change the fact that it was just complete and utter bullshit and is just repeating what it was that I was orginally ranting about.

As for finding creative ways to point it out without smacking some some dumb fuck, that's what I have been doing for a very very long time.... it's getting really really old...

I can say 10,000 times to someone, I'm bi-polar, my moods swing pretty bad sometimes, even with meds (regardless of the type). I have no control over when, how bad (with the exception of avoiding extremes from long term ruts) or even, how long (from seconds to a few hours) it may last.

They will almost all respond the same... I understand, that must be hard. I really feel for you and so on...

Yet when they see it actually happen, or hear about it, they say stupid shit that makes it clear they not only don't understand, they don't even begin to comprehend how much they don't grasp that it isn't a voluntary thing.

You know what's even funnier?

When I say or do something that IS 100% voluntary and what I actually mean to do... those same people... turn around and dismiss what I say or do without a single consideration because I'm 'crazy'... lol

But will still tell me they understand its not my choice, but I should try harder....

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go slam an axe through some wood in a very aggressive and angry manner....

11-08-2011, 12:49 AM Old
 
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reb reb is offline
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i hope you put on your boots before you went and got the axe, Lizzy Borden

i have the 'for gosh sake, don't open your mouth' reaction at funerals. anything i say sounds like shit. therefore, i have learned to say as little as possible. what may come out my mouth does not seem to me to 'fit'.

watching someone have a 'bipolar moment' cannot be...normal. many people have no idea what it's like to have your moods control you completely. so, instead of adopting my 'funeral face', they open their mouths...and make things worse.

i was listening to that idiot, dave whatisface, interview jonny depp earlier. depp was talking about hunter s. thompson. know anything about hunter? the first thing i read by him was 'hells angels'. you might identify with hunter. i have always seen a bit of myself in him.
11-08-2011, 06:09 PM Old
 
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Reverand JC Reverand JC is offline
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Location: Berkeley, Ca.
Posts: 3878
Well Tom. Thank you for writing this. I have just gotten out of a 5 year relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder. One of the reasons that it broke up was both of our inabilities to deal with the symptoms of it.

Stay Brown,
Rev J
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