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Why Am I In Charge

sick people caretaker nonsense car wrecks emergency room broken bone car accident



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#1 Luna Lovesong

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Posted November 29 2016 - 11:03 PM

my whiny bitch complaint is totally selfish

 

some background:

in the last 2 years my husband has had pericarditis (swelling in the ventricles of the heart) h phylori (a GI thing) viral meningitis (seriously wtf) strep (which damn near killed him) and now pneumonia. and no one seems to be concerned about the healthy wife who has to drive her husband to the ER or call an ambulance because he cant stay conscious enough to get to the car. did i mention with that meningitis they fucked up the spinal and he has permanent nerve damage but until we knew that he was losing spinal fluid and his brain was sitting on his skull...and we had to rush him to the hospital a day after he was discharged, he spent a week there in a bed and no one noticed his brain was on his skull they just gave him more drugs for the pain until it went away,

 

well now he is in bed with pneumonia...that same day the tire on our onlyand shredded. my cousin who is my backup ride drove off of a cliff and has no car and lives in the camper outside the house

 

soooo my complaint is that i gotta take care of all these people and that i am so sick of it and i just want to be normal and get hammered. i also care for 4 dogs (3 aren't mine) 4 cats (only one not mine) and the entire house that get this 9 people live in. (4 bedrooms) i also cook dinner for all these people every night and drive kids to school (well i will again once we have another car)

 

i get texts to change the channel because the remote is lost from one room away.

when i make myself food i make extra for my cousin and husband because they cant do it
and i deliver that food

i am just tired of watching the love of my life almost die in front of me and i am so sick of no one even acknowledging that i might be a human and have feelings!!!

 

i know, i am healthy, no broken bones, i was not just in a car wreck...but FUCK i am also feelings feelings and i think that's damned okay


Edited by Luna Lovesong, November 29 2016 - 11:04 PM.


#2 OldDude2

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Posted November 29 2016 - 11:22 PM

Dump the dogs and cats, you don't need them.
Dump everyone apart from your husband, maybe dump him too.

Or just move without telling anyone.
At 25 you should be having fun, not a slave to everyone else.

Edited by OldDude2, November 29 2016 - 11:24 PM.

 Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


#3 Luna Lovesong

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Posted November 29 2016 - 11:43 PM

thank you!!! .......................HOWEVER

i am the one who had a baby at 15 and graduated at 16....one could argue i did this to myself...i knew when i started the post i was being selfish....i just GRRRR lol but thank you

if my hubby didn't walk on the water of my soul i might dump him but to find sexual emotional and humor compatibility? i am not tossing that out

the animals....as much as i hate it, are also totally my fault they might not be mine but i had a hand in their being part of the household....i know i am being stupid ridiuclous and that essentially i did this to myself and that the reason it isn't fixed is also something i did to myself....i just wanted a platform to bitch out on because some days...i really hate what i chose for my life path.. but to be clear, i did all of it to myself and the spot i am in now is years in the making and i can see that. i just wanted someone to be on my side...please don't stop being on my side....please just like fake  bullshit support and then some hateful things lol

i do love the internet, only place you can say "hey i am without a doubt wrong, but hear me out anyway" and people hear you out (or read you out, whichever the correct verb is) 



#4 OldDude2

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Posted November 29 2016 - 11:55 PM

Almost every woman i know had children when they were between 13 and 20 ..... it's entirely normal for most of the world.

 Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


#5 Luna Lovesong

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Posted November 30 2016 - 12:07 AM

olddude2. you are correct. except in this country, you're right its normal, that doesn't mean accepted. When i was 15 it wasn't treated normal. i  was cajoled, chastised, disowned, rumored about and hated....which...also, is normal, at least in small town, right-wing USA hell....where i live



#6 Luna Lovesong

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Posted November 30 2016 - 12:08 AM

olddude2 i like your signature....but noah had a lot of help, and he was hammered drunk for most of the construction of the ark...



#7 Jo King

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Posted November 30 2016 - 12:42 AM

hang in there Luna 


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#8 Luna Lovesong

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Posted November 30 2016 - 12:48 AM

thanks the king of jo!!!

so i press quote and get nothing and i hate the 2 letter recognition.

sooooo everyone gets a lovingly decided pagan, yoda, slash harry potter name....

it will work as my pneumonic device to recall specific details so i can be the best and john numbers..that will be your name in my memory now

jphn1234567891011121314152627282920

thank you for your response.


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#9 Luna Lovesong

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Posted November 30 2016 - 12:50 AM

jo king, at first i thought your profile picture was a uterus....took a minute to realize it was Christ. nice pic!!!! i like that it made me think

 

 

then i realized the king of jo was only joking....and the pun hit me.


Edited by Luna Lovesong, November 30 2016 - 12:51 AM.

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#10 OldDude2

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Posted November 30 2016 - 01:00 AM

2 of my step daughters school friends already had children at age 15.

 Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


#11 Luna Lovesong

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Posted November 30 2016 - 01:09 AM

*mutters* "stupid area of internet hell and the quote button"

 

 

it isn't uncommon, as i said...to say having kids young isn't normal is incorrect. What i said was it isn't ACCEPTED

 

yes numerous girls have babies young. my own grandma had a child by her father that she gave up. i am not ignorant, albeit inexperienced. the STIGMA is really all the difference. i could care less if you know a girl who had a baby young in a culture that allows loves, respects and goes for it...live that life......just...i cannot count the ways...just like everyone who feels stigmatized, no one but the people who know..can know...so just RAWR (which means i love you in dinosaur)

 

sooo RAWR



#12 Vanilla Gorilla

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Posted November 30 2016 - 01:58 AM

*mutters* "stupid area of internet hell and the quote button"
 
 
it isn't uncommon, as i said...to say having kids young isn't normal is incorrect. What i said was it isn't ACCEPTED
 
yes numerous girls have babies young. my own grandma had a child by her father that she gave up. i am not ignorant, albeit inexperienced. the STIGMA is really all the difference. i could care less if you know a girl who had a baby young in a culture that allows loves, respects and goes for it...live that life......just...i cannot count the ways...just like everyone who feels stigmatized, no one but the people who know..can know...so just RAWR (which means i love you in dinosaur)
 
sooo RAWR


Meh, who is ever accepted by everyone ?

There's always someone to get bitchy or judgemental about some action you to

Who gives a shit
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#13 Luna Lovesong

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Posted November 30 2016 - 07:29 AM

i do and it is my ultimate downfall. but i definitely care


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#14 newbie-one

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Posted December 02 2016 - 10:02 AM

I'm not sure if 211 (www.211.org) could help you, but it might be worth checking into.



#15 newbie-one

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Posted December 02 2016 - 10:14 AM

So you're also planning to become a psychiatrist, and start school soon.  My impression is that it's fucking hard to do, since I think you have to get both a medical degree as well as a degree in psychology.  You can make big bucks if you can do it.

 

On the other hand, quite a few psychiatrists become disillusioned.  Whatever value psych meds have, they are also poisons to some degree.  At best, they are necessary stabilizers that also have side effects, and shortening the life span of the patient is often one of them.

 

Taking on the burdens of a tough degree program and being caregiver to multiple adults, children, and animals sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.



#16 Meliai

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Posted December 02 2016 - 10:22 AM

You cant really depend on anyone to care about your feelings..except yourself. Take some time out and just feel, allow yourself to be weak on occassion because being a strong person all the time can be a pain in the ass. Lock yourself in the bathroom and cry. Aint no shame.
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Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens ~Tolkien


#17 ʈuɱɓɭiɳɠ.ƌičɛ

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Posted December 02 2016 - 02:39 PM

when i make myself food i make extra for my cousin and husband because they cant do it
and i deliver that food

Why can't they do this for themselves?  Do they help you out at all?  If not then maybe let them go hungry for awhile.


play-craps.jpg


#18 Luna Lovesong

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Posted December 03 2016 - 09:36 AM

my cousin broke her heel bone and bruised her ribs. my husband is making a full recovery but his fever was so high that he was fainting and the antibiotics and ibuprofen weren't getting it to break until last night.  pneumonia is a little easier to kill in a healthy adult male than a heel bone is on anyone so that is good

 

it is very likely a recipie for disaster. I am hoping that once I start school the people I live with will realize shit isn't getting done and step up, if they don't I might have to actually try confrontation for once

 

i still cant get the stupid quote button to work. i press it it brings me to reply but it does not show the quote

 

i tend to stay up later than everyone else for my good cries. and they happen...

 

i finally just dreaded all of my hair and i play with them to keep my brain stable. if its getting to be too much (as of yesterday at least) i just go to the bathroom and palm roll them in the mirror. there are 40 so it can take awhile and by the time i am done, i feel much more relaxed and can try the fuck again.

 

this website and all of its amazing awesomeness is a great way to unwind as well



#19 Moonglow181

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Posted December 03 2016 - 09:50 AM

My gosh...you sure do have your plate full, and so many things going wrong at once. hang in there......you seem strong and level headed enough to get through anything....

#20 Luna Lovesong

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Posted December 03 2016 - 09:55 AM

I guess that's the life you ask for when you have babies at 15 lol



#21 newbie-one

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Posted December 05 2016 - 10:18 AM

it is very likely a recipie for disaster. I am hoping that once I start school the people I live with will realize shit isn't getting done and step up, if they don't I might have to actually try confrontation for once

 

The time for confrontation is likely now rather than later.  If they were willing and able to take on the workload, they probably would have done it already.

 

And when stuff isn't getting done...the likely outcome is that shit just won't get done...and that means that something is going to have to get thrown under the bus:  your husband's health/your marriage, your kids, your pets, your hangers-on, your dreams, or your own health and sanity, and it would be unsurprising if several or all of them end up going.

 

Even the best laid plans can go awry; the worst laid plans are nearly guaranteed to end in  disaster.

 

You have the power of foresight.  I beg you, for your own sake, to use it.  What do you see when you look down the road you now intend to travel?  I'll tell you what I see:

 

Your husband's shaky health continues to be shaky or declines, perhaps leading to his death.  And because you love him, this inevitably leads to your flunking out.  Your kids end up getting taken away by DCS (if they don't die first) and end up in foster care (one can only hope God would be so merciful as to spare them the worst horrors of the foster care system).  Your pets are put down in an animal shelter.  You face criminal charges for child and animal neglect.  You are saddled with crushing debt for your education (and possibly various medical and vet bills).  The stress, trauma, and guilt of this experience leads to at least one of the following:  a nervous breakdown, a full-blown psychotic break, drug or alcohol addiction, or a suicide attempt (or several).

 

You're in shitsville as it is.  You need a ticket out of shitsville, not another dump-truck load of shit.

 

I recommend that you at least postpone your planned enrollment in school and get your current life at least manageable.



#22 Luna Lovesong

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Posted December 06 2016 - 08:34 AM

thank you newbie-one. I have taken some steps already and you mentioned a few more that could help as well.

 

1. found my cousin a roll along so she wont be on crutches and can be more mobile and help herself some

2. got my husband going in for labs tomorrow also going to see an ENT to decide if his oversized tonsils gathering bacteria and causing sleep apnea is the reason his immunity is so low

3. got a car I can drive, as opposed to a giant truck that I struggled with, which helps my sanity immensely because all my errands are no longer tainted with the size of that truck

4. talked to the owner of the dogs I am sitting. he will be taking them to a dog park once a week and paying a house cleaner once a month to do the deep cleaning for me

5. found a place to terminate unborn kittens and fix my brothers cat, and set him an appointment all he has to do is show up with 25 bucks

6. made an actual chore chart for the kids and cut out some of my least favorite things to do like dog poop, or loading dinner dishes. now I don't clean up dinner, I just make it

7. had my mom talk to her boss because its also my husbands boss and get him more hours and a raise so he quit the second job and now just makes enough with the one job and only has 46 hours a week instead of 80-100 and during the week its day shifts or off so he can help with school and homework and the kids at night

 

I did find some confrontation in me,,,i got shitty drunk and threw a shit fit at the whole house and demanded some damn support. I HAVE tried to commit suicide that's why we are living at my mothers in the first place, I was supposed to be getting support for myself and my family to get better, and when I reminded everyone of that and pointed out that all I got was more stress, anxiety and work people stepped up. my mom unloads the dinner dishes from the night before in the morning now and my husband gets up with the kids for school because I like to be a night owl and its hard to get up at 6am for me. its sad that I had to get hammered and only remember about 1/4 of what I said or threw around but my point was made and that's all that matters I guess.







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