Some of the answers I got in this thread are truthful yet terribly depressing at the same time. Still, I'm getting a "sux doo0000000d" vibe. I will admit that in my younger years my thought process was swayed by feel-good movies where there's some sort of karmic balance in the universe that makes sure all the bad guys get theirs and the good guys get every single thing they wanted just for being... "the good guy". Though I learned this wasn't the case when I graduated high school as an invisible nobody and didn't hook up with the girl I was really crushing on.
What I'd give to make these good-looking users of oxygen a chance to feel like an ugly person for at least a day, so they get some perspective. I wish PSA's would just randomly come on TV to let people know about this stuff. I guess it doesn't help that I'm mildly socially retarded - granted I can still functions in front of other people, but I'm really not a social butterfly or even much of a talker altogether. Boy do I hate social relativity.
I can also relate to feeling like there will be a cosmic balance, for lack of better wording.. Recently, somewhat last year and in the beginning of this year, I was going through some tough things. And I thought that after those tough things were done and over with that life would get better. Of course, I didn't think things would magically get better, but you know how people believe that when something bad happens to you, you come out of it better? Well, that doesn't happen to me. Honestly, I think people are bullshitting themselves and others when they express things like that. But, whatever... I'm just applying it to myself. It doesn't happen to me, plain and simple. I just thought it would be like the movies. After a tragic event, I would come out of it stronger, smarter, and overall better. And I thought because of that, that through time and effort, as well as just plain luck, because isn't it my time to have some luck?... that life would get better. In particular I thought I would have a better relationship with my family and I thought that I would find love. However, that didn't happen, lol. Things actually got worse.
For one, I kept getting rejected, and I kid you not it was the most times I have ever been rejected in such a short period of time. I wasn't particularly looking, so that made it even more hurtful. And there was this one guy that was interested in me, but I had aboulate no interest in him. So, I felt like shit for that. Because there was this one guy that was interested in me, and I felt nothing. Thankfully, I found out later on that he was only interested because I wasn't. He was amazed that someone that looked like me wasn't interested in him, so he tried really hard to get me interested. So, it was actually a good thing that I wasn't interested. On top of all the rejection and misplaced attraction, things got worse with my family. Also, I ended up in the hospital. I had two major falling outs with two people, which I have no idea what the fuck happen there. It was just not something I needed to happen at that already horrible time in my life. And I had to deal with some harassment, to the point I considered the police. And when I tried the police the first time they totally blew me off. I guess that type of crime isn't taken as seriously. I don't know.
Point is, that things got worse. And now things are normal, but in a new way. It's like my life went a couple of steps down and now it's going straight. While before I was a few steps up and that was going straight. But, neither point in my life was any good in the first place. So, it's great that my life is normal now. But, it's lower than before, and how it was before wasn't any good either. So, it turn from bad to worse, and now it's a normal worse, if that makes any sense.
On a final note, I don't wish my life on anyone, because it's hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking I'm strong and no one can live my life. Whatever life you have, you get used to it, you work around it, you deal with it. That's how people are; they adapt or they die, but you know... that's a whole other thing. So, anyone can live my life. But, I wouldn't want that, because again it's hard. I don't want anyone to feel the pain and suffering I have. I encounter people complaining while having really good lives, which they have all the right to do. No life is perfect. And each life has its burdens. Yea, burdens are certainty scaled by frequency and severity. Someone who gets raped once isn't as bad as getting raped multiple times (frequency) and then getting beaten (severity). But, we all bleed the same. We all feel and think the same. That's how we all can relate to one another, and that's why we all have burdens, and we all can say with certainly that no life is perfect. Anyways, as I was saying I encounter plenty of people complaining when they have a really good life, and as they talk I just smile because I'm wholeheartly happy for them. Yes, it does suck that they will never have this perspective, but the only way they will have it is to be cosidered ugly by societal standards. And I wouldn't want that. It would be mind-blowing if someone that is average looking (again, by societal standards), or even considered beautiful by societal standards to have this perspective, but I doubt such people exist. This only makes sense to those that are considered ugly by society. Just like being raped only would make sense to those who have been raped. All I want is to not be attacked or be treated differently for having such a perspective. I also don't want to be belittled, such as giving me simple solutions as if I haven't thought or tried them yet.
Anyways, just adapt. Or... you know. I don't encourage people to kill themselves, but I respect that decision. I know.... that I'm going to kill myself eventually. There is only so much adapting I can do. Basically, I don't want anyone to die. You never know... life after death can be worse. At least with life you know what to expect, kind of. But, at the same time a lot of people are truly suffering, and sometimes they need it to end.
Edited by aoabai, November 22 2016 - 12:19 PM.