What Makes One A Loser?

I'm in a moody way this evening.

I was just curious what people's definitions are of "loser".

I often think of myself as a loser, but there are people in my life who think very highly of me. I can't figure it out. Somedays I agree with them, and days like today, I think they are nuts.

Some info on me:

I'm 27, finished college two years ago. I got my Bachelor's and Masters' in music/violin performance. I currently do make a little money with music, although not a ton. I have part time contracts with a couple of professional orchestras, and I play for weddings pretty frequently. I'm not terrible at the violin, but I'm not great either. I probably couldn't win a major orchestra audition. I work fairly hard to just maintain my playing, let alone improve.

I took up a part time job as I do not make enough to live on from just music stuff. So, I work 30 hours a week in Accounts Receivable as an office assistant. I only make 10 an hour, but it essentially pays for my rent, car insurance, and gas/food.

Currently attempting to find a half decent paying full time job with health insurance, as I want to make more money and I have an obamacare health plan (which I frankly don't even need, I haven't gotten sick in 4 years). Oh, I also have a lot of student loan debt.

I've always had problems with being social. I have a few friends who are close, but I rarely seem them, as we all seem to be too busy for each other any more. I've also never been good with women. I'm a guy who yearns for a sexually and emotionally fulfilling relationship, but I just haven't done well on this. I've been told that I just need more confidence, but I simply don't really understand it. I used to be pretty overweight, but I've slimmed down a lot.

Anyway, overall, I just feel a little aimless. I'm a Christian, and I know that to God, I'm not a loser, but the fact that I'm somewhat broke, single, and lack a social life makes me feel like I'm just not worth much in the eyes of the world. I know my life could be much worse. But I feel like a loser.

I feel like at this age, I should have been married, had a kid, a house, a career, and things would be smoothly going on. Any of that stuff seems so far away. I'd be pretty happy with just a good job really! (and maybe a girlfriend...)

Oh well, I'm really just ranting.

 

Rather than thinking about all the things that other people have that you don't, or that you think that you should have, you would probably be better off thinking about all the things you do have that you can be grateful for.

Not in jail? Not on a respirator? Have two arms and two legs? Able to breathe? Have clean air to breathe? Have clean water to drink? Have a job? Have enough food to eat? Not living in fear of your life? There's a lot of people in the world who don't have those things. We tend to focus on what we don't have, but thinking about what you do have will probably make you happier.

27 is not that old, and you still have a lot of possibilities ahead of you.

You may want to consider if it is worthwhile to invest time in playing the violin. If it's something you love and you want to do it for its own sake, you may want to rekindle your passion for it. If you want to teach, or maybe travel internationally to join an orchestra, you could make that work too.

You might want to put some effort into a new career path. You may be able to work your way up from where you are now, either by promotion, changing employers, or getting some more education.

You might want to try a Christian dating site. You might want to join a religious congregation if you're not in one now, and tell the pastor about your problems. He can be your wing-man.

Hope that things can get better for you soon!

 

out of curiosity, what kinds of subjects do you study to get a masters in music performance?

 

I had to take a few advanced music theory classes, and some advanced research/writing and history classes. I remember I took what is called post tonal analysis (music that is no longer tonal in the diatonic harmony sense), shankurian analysis (a super broad and systematic way of reducing music to is basic elements), and I took a couple of writing classes. I had to take a class JUST for researching called research and bibliography, and then a music history seminar where I had to write two big research papers. I also had to put on a recital, take some violin orchestra literature classes, I was in orchestra, a couple of chamber music groups, some electives, and I was the orchestra librarian for two years.

 

I know that 27 is supposed to be so young but it's getting close to 30...and then before you know it I'll be getting close to 40...so on so forth! Pretty scary! Hopefully a lot will happen from now to then.

I am a member of a church, although I fell out of going for a while, but I'm getting back into it. And I am trying to find a new job, like I said. I had some interviews lately, but none of them have panned out so far. I just applied for another promising job opening, they got back to me and asked me to fill out another application after I sent in my resume. I don't really care about making a lot of money, but if I got it I'd be making about twice what I do now, so that'd be great, plus insurance and stuff.

If I could lock that down I'd feel a lot less loserish. Then I could start chipping away at my loans.

But you are right, we always focus on what we don't have. Like I said, things could be much worse. But I guess I've had super high expectations drilled into me or something.

And violin is still something I pursue a lot, but I think the idea of me playing full time...that ship has sailed. I've noticed a dip in the quality of my playing since college, and that's with me practicing almost every day still!

 

You fit the definition of a loser. You’ve been given every opportunity in life to succeed and all you can do is wallow in your own failures rather than celebrate your successes.

Hint “Behind every great man there’s a great woman” – start there



Hotwater

 

Well...to be fair, I'm ranting more than anything. I figure online is a good place for this...none of my friends or family probably want to hear it!

But you are kind of right. I looked at some really bad things online and realized that my life is good actually...that and I read a sobering book for a couple of hours just now, so I'm in a better place at this moment. I just felt kind of shitty for most of the day for some reason.

But I'm definitely not going to build up my life on finding a woman, if that's what you mean. My own life is barely in order, what good woman would want to be with me?

 

You've got a useless Masters degree, no real talent (per your own admission) and you're a Christian.

Yes, you're a loser pal. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

 

You Don't Sound Like A Loser To Me Mate........But Here's A Tip.......Totally Ignore What Hotwater Said........You Just Do

Your Own Thing And If The Right Partner Comes Along Then Best Wishes To You........BUT......If You Try To Rush It

And Get The Wrong One Then They Can Totally Destroy Your Life.......

I Wish You Every Happiness For The Future.



Cheers Glen.

 

TL,DR original post, but I noticed people were hating on hot waters so I read his. I totally agree with him.

 

the only looser is someone who wants everyone else to have more disadvantages them themselves so they can imagine they are somehow better then everyone else.
designs have to fail to find their weak spots so they can be improved upon. there is simply no winning without loosing, other then shear luck, and luck can never be counted upon.

 

It just could be that your surrounding doesn't suit you best.

Find the surrounding best for you. In it you will more likely do splendid.

 

Don't worry about it my homie. As others have stated, you seem to be okay. Think about how bad some people are doing recovering from bad decisions and/or bad turns of fate.

 

A loser is someone who does stuff they dislike because other people tell them to, while they have the choice to do something else.

A loser is not someone with no (or a sucky) job, little money and a debt, a loser is someone who let that affect themselves to such an extent they can't function properly in other fields.

A loser can be a rich person that is unhappy and unfulfilled in the aspects of their lifes that really matters. A 'winner' (not really my terminology, just like loser, but ok) can be a person with no or a sucky job, little money and a student loan debt who knows what makes them happy and is in some way trying to get there.

Sometimes what makes a loser is 100% mentality based. Sometimes it is 100% subjective (like when others would see you as a loser for having no job for example, or when you have criminal friends who would call you a winner for like making a succesful coke deal).

 

I could always be a bigger loser.

A loser is someone who loses at the public interaction. If nobody knows anything and you didn't lose your a winner! No matter what ya did.

 

How does someone lose at a basic public interaction (when it is not in any way some kind of competition)?

 

I wouldn't say I am totally talentless. I have video evidence to back this up. It's just that the standard of playing for winning an audition is very, very high. I started lessons pretty late. Oh well.

My degree is only kind of worthless. I do work in music a little, and I will play and perform the rest of my life. Plus I grew a lot during the program. But yes, it probably won't help with getting a good job.

 

All that matters is how you view yourself. If others see you as a loser, who cares? Who wants to be associated with those people anyway?

Society sets ridiculous standards, and I am not going to live up to those standards just because of what people will think of me if I don't. I set my own standards and live by my own standards.

 

Hip forums registration?

 

id say making multiple accounts to harass female members here and troll the males with stolen internet chick pics is a pretty fair definition of a loser.


living with your parents after age 25 is a pretty close second place.

third place threshhold is based on whether or not the liquor store employees know you by name..