How Do You Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy?

Even though I often surround myself with loving and supportive people who care about me, appreciate the things I do, and give me lots of compliments. I often find myself doubting their sincerety and honesty. When I was a child, if someone praised the work I did, whether it was a marker drawing, a spelling test, or win a board game, I would often say, "Yeah right, they're just saying that just to make me feel good. They don't really mean it." I may not say that anymore about compliments I receive now, i believe that same toxic thinking carried over into adulthood. And this type of toxic thought sets me up for failure before I even attempt something. For example, the fact that my last relationship ended horribly with my ex girlfriend breaking up with me in a very nasty way, and having not been in a relationship at all since it happens 6 years ago. This sometimes leads me to the dark and poisonous conclusion that I am just not datable and destined to be alone forever.

How does one liberate themselves from such toxcicity?

 

If you work out the answer, please let me know. You might want to google "unrelenting standards" as I can identify with some of what you write. Putting yourself down, such as diminishing or minimising others praise, is a common trait. Chances are you're a perfectionist and don't finish things you start because you don't feel like you're good enough or can't do it.

If I'm wrong, you can have a refund. I'm not a qualified psych...

 

I've talked to you enough to know that your low self-esteem doesn't overpower your wonderful personality and attractive looks, so I really don't think you will end up being alone. This concept of you needing to love yourself before loving someone else, or having someone love you, is BS... in my opinion. Because I've known plenty of people with such low self-esteem, to the point they hate themselves, that are with someone. So, just keep on with your wonderful personality and looks, and in due time you will find a girl.

Granted, it does make life 'easier' if you just think positively about yourself and your life. Don't get met wrong, I DO NOT believe that positive thinking changes things, just like negative thinking doesn't change things. My neck and stomach hurts right now. Real bad. And I don't have strong enough painkillers because of my doctors' malpractice. No amount of fucking positive thinking will change that, and negative thinking won't make it worse, because it's bad as it is. But, if you think positive about something, anything... it's comforting, therefore it's easier to deal with. And you never know, if you think positively you are more likely to respond positively, in turn others are more likely to respond positively to you, and you end up with a positive outcome. Just like if you did the opposite. I don't think that happens a lot, but I do think it happens. You can always do what I do and just not think positive or negative, just go with the motions, but then you end up having this indifferent, defeated, attitude, where you're not really positive or negative, you're just dead inside, and/or waiting for death. But, it works if you use it in moderation. Another thing is visualization. I do not believe in visualization either. Just thinking something is or will be a certain way doesn't make it reality. But, I heard that also works, because you're focusing on the positive, and again that is comforting, and at times it will 'cause a ripple effect in your actions and the actions of others. So, you can try that. I do believe in the self-fulfilling prophecy, so that is why it's good to surround yourself with people that think positively of you rather than negatively, but you already said you have that. So, you're good there.

I don't know, man. Just stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself you love yourself, everyday. But, really... you don't have to love yourself for someone to love you. It just makes life easier if you did love yourself.

 

why did your last relationship end horribly?

 

i kinda felt similar. i started focusing on me, doing meditation, yoga and brain-relaxing stuff like listen to meditation music for 15 mins EVERY DAY!!!

i started to read a lot about self-control, self- esteem, etc


now i am happy, in a relationship and traveling the world as often as i can

 

cognitive behavioral therapy may be worth a try

 

start loving yourself ... just for being you. thats all there is really. people tend to be their own toughest critic, and think other people criticize them just this much. this is rarely the case. anywayz, who cares what someone else thinks of you, that's THEIR problem, not mine. I love myself, just for being me.

Believe that you are as wonderful as you are, because really, you are <3