Beliefs About Love Are Like Religious Beliefs?

I'm a 25 year-old ugly virgin. I have deformities and many physical and mental issues. When my people decide they want to get onto the topic of relationships and sex in discussions with me, I always sit quietly and let them do the talking. After sitting there for many minutes just nodding along to what they're saying, they usually wonder why I have not added anything to the conversation. As if they couldn't tell by looking at me that sex and relationships are not my areas of expertise, they usually ask me what my opinions are and what experiences I could share with them, to which I always say "nothing really, I'm no expert on that."

Many people ask if I'm married or dating someone and I just tell them "no, I don't date". Some people will take that to mean that I don't date, I just have one-off affairs. But what it really means is that I don't have any sexual, intimate, or romantic relations or engagement with anyone. It's just something I DON'T do.

This is where we get to the core of the conversation. The key question they always ask is "why". This question is frustrating on its core because they are essentially asking you to unpack your entire life's story, experiences, and philosophies that led you to this point. I still don't have one good panacea of an answer for these types of questions.

It would appear almost transparently obvious that these people's questions could be answered simply by looking at me. I look like I have the features of Sloth from the Goonies, with the physique of Shaggy from Scooby Doo, and the speaking voice of Goofy. I am cringe-worthy ugly, and my personality sucks as well. This is something you are just going to have to trust me on and accept on face value. Just believe me, I am UNDO-ABLE and unlovable (in the romantic/sexual/relationship sense). The whole world of romance, dating, and love, were just not designed for people like me. We are the type of people who stay to ourselves and tend to our own lives and devices.

The thing that pisses me off the most about most of the people I talk to on this issue is their use of the same old god damn talking points. They will say things like "Trust me, she's out there. You just haven't met her yet." or "There is someone out there for everyone." or "Love will come to you when you least expect it."

Well, I have been least expecting it for almost 15 years now. This type of thinking is very analogous to the type of magical or wishful thinking that is espoused in religion. You just wish it to be so, and it is so. These people are so full of themselves it is almost painful. They think their way of life has to be everyone's aspiration, and they will believe whatever magical bullshit they can cook up to rationalize what they want to be true.

The only type of person who would find me attractive and would want to do things with me while naked would necessarily have to be someone of questionable character and intelligence. In other words, it would take pretty much a lunatic who is not in their right mind to want to have any kind of romantic or sexual relations with me. In other OTHER words, I wouldn't want the type of person who would like me.

The part that pisses me off the most about all of this is NOT that I'm hopelessly ugly and can't get a girl (or guy for that matter). That, I can deal with. What pisses me off is just how god damn stupid, arrogant, and illogical people are in their thinking. It is very much like religious belief. You want it to be true, so therefore its true. The most smoking gun, low-hanging-fruit evidence doesn't alter this belief.

When you're entire school experience as a kid included every girl in school passing around notes saying you're ugly, ganging up on you in the hallways telling you're disgusting, getting told as an adult by a random girl on the streets that you "look weird" on multiple, independent occasions, and have never heard of a single instance in which a girl in your entire life ever found you attractive or "had a crush on you", the jury is completely in at that point.

Why do people pay lip-service to these utterly untrue and ridiculous beliefs?

 

Show us a photo of yourself and let me decide if you are ugly or not, as i don't know what that means....elephant man ugly? he was not even ugly in my eyes.......are we speaking of outside appearances? Not where it is at, my friend...It is what is on the inside....If you think you are so ugly to look at, date a blind girl with no eyesight......She will see your heart if it is good, and blind people need love, too.....but that is what you think of yourself and no one is going to be able to tell you differently...............anyway.

25 years old..... please........you have been waiting 15 years....some people wait their entire lives.

 

Both. I have undesirable features in every category. In fact, I would say my personality is the worst of my features. This is not just my opinion. I have a lifetime of evidence and experience to satisfy any queries on this matter.

Anyway, your answer was off-topic. My question was about how these beliefs about love are almost the same as religious beliefs. I'm sorry I spent so much time talking about my bad features. I was just trying to emphasize the absurdity of these beliefs by providing specific context.

 

I don't wait...I love or I don't....so that does not leave me waiting anywhere.....

 

I just don't know why people think this is necessarily true in 100% of cases.

 

People just care about each other and want to be helpful. Saying someone will love you for being you makes it clear that you can be yourself and love yourself. But when it's truly not possible that anyone will ever love you like that, then don't you look the fool just being yourself, waiting for someone to love you for it. They don't know or understand how much it hurts, because they've got it all, and on some level are so satisfied that they've stopped even contemplating how the less fortunate feel. As long as they're happy, everyone can and should be happy.

 

Does someone have it all?

 

Anyone who has love has it all.

 

Exactly the type of fucking arrogance I'm talking about, only a slightly different form.

 

Well, its like this unwillingness to concede or imagine that there are in fact some people out there who don't match with their cute and cuddly little worldview. No, I can't be loved like that. This is not an opinion or just me feeling sorry for myself. This is a fact. I do not possess any traits that would be deemed desirable for a partner or mate. It is impossible for me. Why do people insist that there is the "destiny" that awaits all of us someday, that one day we will meet this proverbial fantasy person who will love us unconditionally and be the best thing that has ever happened to us. No, it just doesn't work that way. It infuriates me. I just want to beat the shit out of these pansy ass little bitches who say this shit.

When I say I've been waiting, I don't mean that I have been waiting for something like this to happen to me. I haven't. I'm mainly saying that these people's arguments are baseless and stupid because they undermine the fact that I have been living my life for 25 years now. I know a lot about my life, and I happen to know that women just DO NOT go for me. I have had women get up and walk out the room when I entered because the sight of me appalled and offended them. My "friends" from high school tried to set me up on a blind date one time because they felt sorry for me. The girl saw me get out of vehicle at the movie theatre and drove off when she realized I was her date without even getting out. One time, four of us went out to a party where there were four girls who were going to "meet up with us" and whatever else. Each of the guys paired up with a girl, except for me and the girl that remained. She immediately went home because she obviously found me repulsive. Need I go on?

Yes, I would say I'm ugly like Joseph Merrick.

 

So you have no choice but to live without love because you're ugly, and therefore it's arrogant to think that having someone to love is the best thing. I don't have anyone to love either, and I don't know if I ever will. I've been alone a long time. But I still admit that it's got to be the best thing in the world. You need to come to terms somehow with what you're missing out on. It's not so final for me, as I am not ugly. Not saying it's even final for you, because not all girls care if you're ugly. Iin fact, I can easily see a girl falling completely in love with Joseph Merrick. You should see some of the ugly fuckers who get married and have kids. But I almost wish it was final for me, because I may just live my whole life trying to be someone who can be loved and it won't ever happen. Which is worse.

You really don't come off as that bad of a guy. I think maybe you've let others' opinions of you twist your own opinion of yourself. You're not being a complete dick or anything, so I don't see what the problem is. Are you going to start being a complete dick or something?

 

I am more than ugly. It is beyond explicable. What I am, what I look like, and my essence are beyond description and words. I am repulsive in every sense. The evidence is in the mirror, and also in the experiences I have had with women (people in general) in my lifetime. There is no question about these facts. They are reality. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to have love, sex, or even conversation with a woman. I am a virgin who has never dated, kissed, or even talked to a girl in his lifetime. Women show me just how repulsive and offensive they find me all the time. This is not even up for question.

Anyway, back to the point of this thread for the third time, I am wondering if people have magical, a-priori beliefs about love in the same way they do religion? My opinion is that they do. I do not believe unconditional love is even a realistic concept, in much the same way I don't believe free-will actually exists. Love is ENTIRELY conditional, as evidenced ad nauseam by divorces and split-ups all of the time. Still, people seem to have this magical belief that one day we're all going to meet a special person and live happily ever after. These people need t put down the Twilight books and grow a god damn fucking brain IMO.

 

What? you don't have the ability to grab people's hearts when you meet them?.....or repel them if you don't want to grab their hearts? I am pretty good at it....LMAO

 

Well it depends on what you're talking about. Are you talking specifically about romantic love? Do people who are romantically in love sometimes get the idea that their love is a miracle that has special powers to save the world? Probably. If you get too caught up in your own feelings of self-worth, it's not a huge step away from becoming completely delusional. I think everybody is delusional to some extent, and where there is delusion there is magical thinking.

For two romantic partners to love each other unconditionally, though, would be a little bit obscene. A parent loves his/her child unconditionally. If you need that kind of nurturing from your partner, then something is wrong with you psychologically. I think that love being unconditional can show just how powerful love can be, since there are people who will do anything to keep someone that they truly love.

Your case makes me question whether or not there are unjust conditions for love that all men/women hold. Do people think of themselves as loving for all the right reasons when really their reasons are completely superficial? Does that cheapen love, does it make it completely arbitrary? Or is everything golden and the clock simply moves as it must in the only way it ever could since the inception of time? And then why didn't the clock have love in store for you or me? Maybe you were meant for a higher purpose.

 

It depends on what do you mean by romantic love? The kind that makes you want to kiss someone? I have heard of that. Maybe that is a fairy tale....
You do love your friends, unconditionally, no? The only difference is ...is that you are not kissing them.....

 

i think that just kind of proves his point...

yes, obviously they do. you know damn well they do. that's not really the point of this thread, is it? seems more like a venting frustration thread to me. which i completely understand; i'm not saying that you're wrong for venting here, just that you might as well be straight-up about your intentions when you do it.

 

I stopped reading after "ugly virgin".

If you cannot first love yourself, then there is no reason for anyone else to love you.

 

Facts, my friend, facts. If I thought it was okay to post pictures of myself on online forums I would show you what I look like. Whether or not I have love for myself is irrelevant to the topic of this thread. I am describing myself just to provide an example. I don't know about other's experiences so I am describing mine. I am ugly and disgusting in just about every imaginable sense. If this sounds like I'm venting, then I'm sorry. I've been okay with these aspects of myself for a long time and I am not dissing myself here. These are descriptions of myself that I embrace.

 

Ha, you think you have it bad. I remember when a few people tried to set me up on a blind date, the woman instantly became blind as soon as she saw me. Once i went to a theater and walked in the middle of a horror movie and everyone screamed and ran as soon as they saw me. One time i posted a selfie on a forum and mods immediately deleted it and banned me because everyone got sick to their stomach and threaten to leave.

 

Nice.