Never Mention Sex

Out of all of the guys I have dated or been in a serious relationship with over the years, I would tell all those guys on me wanting to wait until marriage to have sex, because I am a virgin and that is my choice and decision in the matter. All of them respected my choice and were all willing to wait until marriage. All of these same guys went as far as never mentioning wanting to have sex, and never brought it up. To me I liked that about then, to me it showed me that they weren't just after sex or wanting sex, they wanted me for me. But then a couple of the guys I dated, some would respect me and say how they would wait, then while we were together they would come out and tell me how they were sexually frustrated and they wanted to have sex. To me, them bringing it up, instantly made me think that they just wanted sex. From that point I didn't want anything to do with them, because as I said, the other guys I dated knew my choice and would not bring up sex period. So are these other guys they did mention sex, after just sex? Like if your partner told you I am a virgin and waiting to have sex until marriage and you respected that and was willing to wait, would you not mention sex at all, or would you bring it up?

 

couples are supposed to communicate.

 

But isn't telling your partner what to do or what you want the wrong way to do it? Shouldn't they already know, it's Valentines Day she will like flowers and candy etc.

 

yes, couples should be psychic. unfortunately, sometimes they're not though.

 

I think if you've explained to them you don't want to discuss it and they continue to discuss it,
then, maybe it's time to consider whether it's worth keeping someone who has violated the way
you want to be treated. Remember, it's your body, your life, and your personal space. You don't
have to do anything, or listen to anything you don't want to.

 

Sorry to break it to you, but marriage ain't all it is cracked up to be.

And if you are thinking of bringing children into this messed up world, well, I will refrain from further comment...

 

This is my view. And I'm just being honest without any ill will intended.

Look this no sex before marriage stuff came from about 2000 yrs ago. People married at 12 (creepy yes indeed!). They consummated their marriage at God knows what time after that. Vast numbers of people died from hunger, plague+disease, wars, poverty and childbrth. Marrying young was the nearest thing to having a life before a probably very early death.

No sex before marriage is physcially and psychologically harmful. And if I went on a date and she told me "no sex before marriage" I'd firstly laugh and secondly walk out.
You're not some form of deity who should be worshipped. You're a person, as is the guy. Sex isn't some "reward" you dangle like a carrot to obtain control over your man.
I don't mean it in a nasty way, but I have to ask, what sort of guys are signing up to your demands? If someone is at it like a rabbit all the time before even thinking of marriage, does that mean they're a "bad" person? Not a Christian? Ofcourse not.

And TBH, I have had enough of self proclaimed "devout Christians" for a lifetime to be honest. But thats another thread.

 

edit: I assumed it was a "devout Christian" thing. But ok it may be an Islamic, Sikh, or whatever thing. Either way, unless you're planning to marry at 16 yrs, I think its pretty bizarre.

 

I don't believe in marriage so if someone told me they didn't want sex before marriage we would have an insurmountable problem.

I don't really think no sex before marriage is realistic unless you plan to marry when you're 18.

 

Then find having my dream of waiting until marriage to have sex is never going to come true because everyone says it's wrong.

 

Let me throw this thought in.

You date a guy, tell him that you want to wait until marriage.
Waiting isn't important to him (he hasn't and has already had sex with someone else), but he wants to get to know you and respects your decison.

This sounds like a good guy, and, as time goes on, the two of you start thinking that the two of you should get married.

Aren't you going to discuss sex with your future husband?
Isn't that one of the aspects of living together as a family that one should discuss before signing the papers?
In that discussion, is he allowed to express his frustration at having to wait?
Aren't you frustrated too, isn't the idea of sex with him exciting and something that you want?
Isn't "wait until marriage" as much a burden on you as it its on him?
Shouldn't you talk to your intended about this?

It almost sounds like you are looking for a marriage in which you control the sex life and if he disagrees with your decision (even though he complies with your wishes) then he's bad in some way.

The two things that concern me are:
1) That you don't feel any desire to have sex before marriage. That your decision to wait isn't frustrating for you at times. (If he doesn't make you really horny before the ceremony, putting a ring on your finger isn't going to make you moist.) If you aren't having a hard time keeping your legs crossed before, you're not going to be comfortable uncrossing them after.

2) You see his expression of a different opinion as bad, even though his actions are what you want.

 

What is the 'dream' exactly? 12 posts thus far across 3 threads on this subject. If its the actual act, think you are going to be somewhat disappointed after such a long wait.

In the other thread, you said you dont want kids, they arent for you. How do you know that isnt what its really been about the whole time, just too freaked out about getting pregnant.

Which is the trippy part about the human condition, being led subconsciously the whole time, being your own worst enemy

Whats that line from The Internship:- "No one told me it was a game of musical chairs. By the time I figured it out, it was too late."

Having the ability to say phrases out loud, put it in a way that makes you sound and feel good, doesnt change reality. And just becuase people may be supportive to your face, doesnt mean they wont make fun of you once your back is turned. And certainly doesnt mean they will believe you.

You are over 30 now, why on earth is any potential husband going to bother, if there isnt going to be sex, and there arent going to be any kids, ad to that now you are competing with 22 year olds.

What people are really going to believe:

1. You were never interested enough in sex or kids
2. If they see these ex's spending a bunch of money you are really just more interested in money
3. Youve been too picky and never had much of a clue about what you are actually competing with
4. Its just an act to cover up potentially the opposite scenario when you where younger

 

Yes if the guy I am with I want to marry, him and I would discuss sex

I have never lived with a Boyfriend before, I have always lived at home with the family as an only child

If he is going to come at me, every couple of months of him being frustated about not having sex, then that will bother me, even if it is before we are married. After we are married I am sure we will have sex.

I am not frustated about not having sex because I have never had sex. I am happy with masterbating and watching porno as well as other things.

How is me wanting to wait until marriage being a burden?

I just want to find a guy that will respect me and wait until marriage to have sex, after we are married we can have sex as much as we can take. Why is waiting such a bad issue?

 

What are you talking about?

 

Well I’m not sure I’m clear on what you mean by “[SIZE=10.5pt]wait until marriage to have sex[/SIZE]”. Are you talking about all types of sex or just intercourse? Because some would say even kissing is a form of sex. It’s an intimate act.

Are you willing to have any sex? Like oral sex, second base? Just because a guy wants to have sex does not mean that’s all they want in a relationship. Yes it would be frustrating for me or most guys, but there are many ways to relieve that with you remaining a virgin. Like finding him another girl that only wants to have sex, no just kidding.

 

SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IS BEING SAVED UNTIL MARRIAGE.

 

I would certainly bring it up...if I was feeling something strongly about our relationship, it wouldn't make sense not to talk about it.

Then again, I probably would do myself and the other person a favor and not get involved in a relationship with someone who wanted to wait until marriage for sex. We would likely be very different people, and I wouldn't want to end up putting too much pressure on the other person, it's not fair to either of us.

 

Making a vow and keeping it is an honorable thing.

Making a vow that is difficult is very honorable.
A vow to not eat ice cream during Lent is a different thing than a vow to not eat lutefisk.
Keeping the vow gains honor in proportion to the difficulty that one has in keeping that vow. Even if one gripes about the difficulty while keeping the vow.
This kind of difficulty varies from person to person. Some folks find a chocolate ice cream vow harder than strawberry. Others the reverse.

Its sounds like you have made a vow (on behalf of the two of you) that is easy for you to keep. And you are unhappy that your (prospective) fiancee's have a more difficult time keeping that vow than you do and gripe about it. Its not their vow, they are going along with it because they care about you. Its not surprising that they (every few months) ask if you (the source of the vow) might change your mind.

Instead of being bothered by their semi-monthly complaint, perhaps you should be pleased that your man thinks enough of you to follow the vow that you made (before you knew him and without consulting him).

He cares enough about you to follow your vow. He isn't drifting away, looking for a more sexual woman. He's staying with you.

His complaints are a compliment to you and a testament to the strength of his feelings. Be pleased that he is sacrificing for you.
Or you can be pissed that he sees it as a sacrifice.

Pissed / pleased, its your choice.

 

I would rather he just be quiet about it. Its more respectful, if he already knows he can't have sex with me until marriage, then why try asking me if I will change my mind, when he already knows the answer?

 

He knows that you won't listen to him.
Its more respectful for him to keep quiet and let you have your way without presenting a contrary opinion.

It sounds like he has a decision to make.