I am a 24 year old man. Been with my wife for 7 years married for nearly 2 years, let me start off by saying I truly do love my wife and cant imagine my life without her. A few years ago after we had our first child I began to feel different urges which then spiralled quite quickly. I began to also feel sexually attracted to men and I began masturbating to gay porn more often than straight porn. I have been masturbating almost daily ever since I can remember I have even used thing to mastrbate analy. Those new urges sent me looking for satisfaction in other places. I started chat online with men and women and masturbated whilst doing it, this then took me to using the kik app and began sending and recieving nude pics to alot of people mainly men and of course masturbating. This went on for a couple of months when I eventually got caught which led to a big breakdown of trust for quite a while between my wife and I. Once we got things sorted out I confessed my new urges which consisted of fantasising about sleeping with a man, giving and recieving anal sex, giving and recieving oral sex from a man etc etc and threesomes with my wife. After that my wife was fairly grossed out and confused and I let things go back to 'normal'. Safe to say I have never been back to those sites. However I still masturbate almost daily, usually to porn or I might have a pair of my wifes freshly worn undies from the day before or I will simply fantasise about threesomes or my wife having sex with another man or even sharing my wife with friends and their partners. My wife really like that I masturbate because she feels replaced so I tend to keep ot secretive. we have talked about using different ki ds of toys but never gotten there. I am extremely attracted to my wife emotionally, physically and sexually but I dont know what to do about my desires and fantasies. I love sex with my wife and would love to give anal a try but she hates the idea and wont budge. Has anyone experienced anything similar and what did you do about it? Any advice appreciated.
It seems like she is a bit on the controlling side. I agree that the chatting is out of line for a married man, but she should make an effort to be understanding since you did try to be honest with her. What you also need to understand is that you put your marriage and relationship on thin ice when you began sneaking around. Give her time to breathe. Be sweet to her. Make good on your promises. Go out of your way to give her gifts or leave her love notes. Just try to repair that damage any way you can because, trust me, she is feeling very horrible about herself right now. Chatting like that is still cheating in many people's minds (including mine, but I'm trying to keep out of that rn lol), so she is likely feeling like she is no longer good enough for you and probably blames her looks and/or personality. Build her up in an honest way, saying only the good things which you truly believe. When was the last time you told her you "couldn't imagine your life without her"? She would love to hear that. Also, explain to her that your sexual desires are just that. Sexual desires. If you identify as bisexual, tell her that. Make sure she doesn't have some ridiculous delusion that you're somehow "turning gay" on her. That will need to be put to bed as soon as possible. Some people still think of sexuality as a choice or something that just kind of happens, and it seriously needs to be explained to them that this is not the case. Once things have sort of settled, I would buy a strapon toy, just on a whim. Something simple to start out with. Online stores even sell them if you're worried about going to a bedroom community to get one in person. Maybe bring it up to her that you got one and would like to try it out. Ask her how she'd like to try being the one in charge for once. Make it something fun that she can get into, as well. You may not wanna mess with it on the first go, but some strapons have places for the female to put a bullet vibrator. That might help ease her into it (but, like I said, maybe you don't wanna mess with all that on the first try). Just focus on rebuilding over your mistakes for now. Settle down a bit and take it slowly. It'll turn out in the end. Just make sure, above all else, that she knows you still find her attractive and that you still love her more than anything. Best of luck, friend. I'm truly sorry you're going through this rough patch.
+ also, as a female myself, I know that anal is a very touchy subject. It hurts like hell to women. We don't have a pleasurable spot in there like men do, so when we do anal we rely solely on the sensitive nerve endings and muscles at the very opening. It's something that many women just do not want, period. If that's the case with her, respect that. It really does hurt, and it takes a very long time to get used to. People do have their boundaries.
