When Do You Decide To Call "full Time" On A Relationship Or Friendship And End It?

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by Kiprat, Feb 4, 2016.

  1. Kiprat

    Kiprat ophidiophobe

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    Just like the title says.
    If you have had enough of a relationship, a friendship or other type of connection, what causes you to finally pull the plug?
    What factors do you weigh up? Do you give them advance warning? Do you agonise over it or do you "do as your gut tells you"?

    Have you ever been talked out of pulling the plug? Do you ever regret your decisions? Or regret taking "resolute steps" earlier?
     
  2. Pressed_Rat

    Pressed_Rat Do you even lift, bruh?

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    I would say when it starts to be suffocating, or you just aren't happy anymore.

    It's much easier to break up with someone when you sense the other person isn't feeling it and things just sort of fall apart on their own. It's extremely hard when you know the other person loves you and has feelings for you, and that the breakup is gong to hurt them. But it's probably better to end something as quickly as possible, as prolonging it will just make things worse.
     
  3. secret_thinker

    secret_thinker Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    No regrets for ending the relationships I have in my life.

    Family was/is very difficult to let go of. My marriage was hard to let go of for different reasons but that one was more of a relief. Friendships have usually been the easiest for me to let go of because I don't generally get into real close friendships to begin with.

    With all of them they were all ended when they became too toxic and the relationship was just too hard to maintain anymore.
     
  4. Meliai

    Meliai Banned

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    I don't really let go of friendships. It is easy for me to make casual acquaintances, a lot harder for me to move past that into the friendship zone - so once you're my friend you're basically stuck there for life. Breaking up with a friend seems way too silly and dramatic for me.

    Getting out of a relationship on the other hand - I usually spend some time ignoring all the signs that the relationship is dying until one day it suddenly hits me that everything is all wrong and I start to feel very suffocated. Then I agonize over it for weeks because I can't stand to hurt people.

    Then after we break up I feel immediate relief - and I usually end up extending the same loyalty I show my friends to my exes as well. With the exception of one ex who completely creeped me out, I have no problem falling into an easy friendship with my exes after some time has passed and we bump into each other again.
     
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  5. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

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    i've never had to break up with a girlfriend. with friends, we generally just sort of grow apart if it's not working out. plus, i tend to move kind of often, so unless someone is super close we just don't keep in touch once i've left town.

    probably the closest thing i've had was the one time i had to kick out a roommate. which, i basically just told him he's got to go but he can have a couple weeks to find someone else to leech off of.
     
  6. themnax

    themnax Senior Member

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    desederata; i avoid loud and aggressive people. i don't hate them. i don't tell them they can never be my friend. but i do avoid their company. even when that means avoiding all company.
     
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  7. Yogamat

    Yogamat Members

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    Hmm depends how long standing a friendship is?I dont enjoy negative peoples company (too draining)so if I start a friendship and that person is continually being negative,I distance myself.I dont cut the friendship straight away.I usually start by not answering their calls,making excuses not to see them and they soon get the message,However......I have a friend from years ago who started off happy enough but due to her circumstances is now very negative.I try to help/advise but she's caught in that mindset of always being negative.I do still see her but not as much as I used to.Relationship wise,Ive only been dumped once by a guy I was dating for 4 yrs and my god that was a painful experience.Ive ended a marriage,again very painful.
     
  8. Ash Ketchum

    Ash Ketchum Members

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    I have decided it in the past. One needs to have an understanding of what the two of you want from your lives. If you're not heading in the same direction then it is up to the man to make the decision that the two of you should start seeing new people. There are other ways to to do it, but the best part about the line i gave you is that it means that you two can still see each other until one of you find a new toy or partner. I'm really good at battling Pokemon, so i normally find someone within the next couple of days of becoming open, but most people will really benefit from the approach i've mentioned.
    Keep in mind that what i've just told you is words and nothing else. Actually doing it can actually be pretty difficult. The trick is to remain completely non jealous and supportive. Keep in mind that the two of you are destined to separate. If you are incapable of this then ignore this post, and go do something gay like push on the truck near the SS Anne.
     
  9. themnax

    themnax Senior Member

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    i don't believe i've ever intentionally terminated any sort of relationship directly or absolutely. people have lost interest in me and drifted away, and i've made no effort to keep track of or in contact with them.

    (the first time that ever happened i did feel hurt and betrayed. mostly because i felt they hadn't been honest with my about their own feelings, letting me think they wanted to be around, and then they left. but that was fool me once, shame on you. well all of that is history, and i'm sure a lot of people go through something like that. maybe i'm just lucky to be not quite human and glad i'm not. that doesn't mean i want anyone to be hurt. its just that if someone wants to hurt themselves by being inconsiderate, well, that's their problem.)

    but the main thing is that over the years, i've come to avoid allowing myself to become emotionally dependent on relationships of any kind. i welcome friendships if that's what people want. but i don't compromise what is important to me, to attract or keep anyone. if that drives someone away, i just look at as that was what was meant to be.
     
  10. Kiprat

    Kiprat ophidiophobe

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    Thanks for your posts all. Some interesting comments.

    I seem to be a little different to some of you.
    I rarely chop someone off dead. But I do chop people off. However it tends to be over quite a length of time.
    I don't tend to communicate much beforehand, rather I make mental notes.

    Relationships are different to friendships. You have room for less full on relationships. But if a relationship is non-commital then it has less expectations of "loyalty" perhaps.

    I read somewhere that there are 3 types of friendship, or even relationship. The first is like "a work friend" - pretty transient and quickly fades into oblivion. The other extreme is lifelong - which is pretty rare. Then there is the middle category - you might be friends, even best/ish friends for a years and years. But it lacks the characteristics of a lifelong one.

    We always say how friendships are "pure" and above alterior motives. But to be honest, I think many are commodities. Something that is marketed or traded. It sounds cynical, but I think there is sometimes an unsavoury element to them. Nowadays, I'm quite "considered"/reluctant about classing someone as a big friend ie I don't try and kid myself that they are lifelong, loyal and wholly sincere.

    At the moment, I have a couple of people I'm sort of worn out with. I've known them a long time/been big friends with them even. But I sort of feel my good will may have been tested or whatever.

    Relationships I find to be much easier. They're just "continue/end/leave open". Probably lots of people find it the opposite way..
     

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