Would You Ever Cheat And Why?

I still think it's a classic piece of literature for this thread though.

 

"Would you ever cheat?" is too ambiguous, as there are two ways to look at it.

1. "Would you cheat on your partner, simply for personal gratification while hoping to preserve the current relationship at the same time?" - This is one is pretty self-explanatory. People in monogamous relationships will from time to time encounter individuals that are more sexually attractive than their current partners, and some will leave their desires in the realm of fantasy and others will want to make it a reality. This one is about self-control and nothing else, and really is no different from some people maxing out their credit cards to buy the newest phone and going into debt and having others save their money for a rainy day. The first group wants to simply satisfy their desires, while the second group wants to maximize their overall long-term happiness.

2. "Would you cheat on your partner, given the opportunity because you are either looking for something better or for a completely new meaningful relationship?" - This one is trickier, and in my opinion no person is beyond it. While I have never cheated myself, I have also grown so mutually distant from one of my girlfriends that the only reason why I was still with her was because of shared housing and living expenses. In my opinion, unless there is a strong bond between individuals (children, real co-dependence and professional collaboration) this will eventually happen to every romantic couple. You can have two people live in the same house together, and still be in a quasi-long distance relationship. In fact, it can be worse than that, because people in long-distance relationships normally have no problems talking about the mundane, day-to-day activities, while people sharing the same living space will grow to despise it. I have no interest in retracing and reliving my work day at home, if I wanted to still be working I could have just stayed a few extra hours at work and get some overtime. That is why a couple has to have some real mutual interests that go beyond the daily grind known as "life", and sex can be one of them (but that will go downhill eventually with age and boredom) and children can be another, but if after living with another person for over a year ( and there is no such thing as an adult couple in love, until they have survived at least six months of living together) you feel like your feelings for the other person have either stagnated or worse have actually decreased, then that relationship is doomed. If you two become co-dependent you will eventually grow apart while also feeling stuck both emotionally and economically, without any real direct way of moving on separately (simplest scenario, a couple renting or worse owning a house together where the total rent/mortgage payment is affordable by sharing expenses, and being stuck in a lease or loan) .

 

Yuh know, in the past I thought absolutely, "no way/no how", but I watched this movie a few days ago called, "He's just not that into you", and within it they brought up an interesting point.

The point was what if a person is in a relationship already but they find someone who is just amazing/possibly soul-mate material. Should they stay with the person they've committed too?

One thing I have to say about this is a lot of people may seem incredibly perfect at first or in the beginning, but they may not really be...

I have been narrow minded in the past about thinking cheating is wrong or leaving after a certain point of commitment. I even watched this movie where this man was perfect for this woman. I kept routing for him to stay faithful. At the end he chose the other woman. That really opened my mind to how, "black and white" I had been in my thinking.

 

Well said.

 

i never cheated on my husbands they cheated on me

 

I would never chat on my partner and I know she would never cheat on me.
We have both said as long as we tell each other and we are honest. It's not cheating if the other partner knows.

 

I used to cheat all the time whenever I ran out of healthy foods, because eating right is just too inconvenient. That was in the past though, I've quit healthy eating all together now. Because dieting is for pussies.

 

I hate cheaters but then again am not a believer of monogamous relationships. My first fiancee cheated on me after 5 years when I was overseas in combat getting ready to come back to marry her. Then my second girlfriend cheated on me. I tended to be away a lot and never got suspicious or showed any jealousy. I was too nice, I think. So when I got married it was a non monogamous marriage. We called it monogamish. We recognized that we both will be attracted to others, maybe drink too much as a party, etc., so as long as the fling was non emotional and no longer than 1 or two dates, it was not a deal breaker. In general if sex with others was the exception and not the rule, it was OK. I only had sex with 5 women without my wife joining in, over a 45 year period to give you some idea of what I mean. My wife only had sex with one other guy after we married but had a few thousand threesomes with me and other women, mostly her live in girlfriend.

You can only cheat if there is a rule against it. No rules, no cheating is possible. Our non traditional marriage is not for everyone. First off you must not be the jealous type and you must view sex as just sex and not love making all the time. It worked well for us and we have had a wonderful 45 year marriage. Even our girlfriend dated a few guys but got pregnant and then married so after that she just split her time between us and her husband.

You might be amazed at what is going on behind the other side of the monogamy door. Our lifestyle brought us into contact with friends and neighbors who were in non monogamous marriages. Some made it and some divorced. Mostly due to jealousy or finding someone who did not want to share you with your spouse as what almost happened to me once. Whenever you invite others into your married sex life, you are playing with fire. One other thing I would like to mention, a non monogamous marriage will never work if you view marriage as owning each other's bodies or just owning the sexual rights to it. That is something society teaches us and dates back many thousands of years when women were treated as property. Do not want to go into it here but we do not feel that having sex with others, as long as done in an open and honest way, is cheating. I no more have the exclusive rights to my wife's orgasm than I do to the pleasure she gets from eating food made by others, roller coasters, massages, etc.. We have always kept each other and our marriage above all else plus we seldom come across better lovers than each other. Not many wives invite their girlfriends to have sex with their husbands and will try every sexual fetish most can think of. Why would I want to lose a wife like that by cheating behind her back when I do not have to cheat, I can just inform her that I will not be home that night and she knows what I mean and will ask no questions.

I would be very upset if my wife had sex with men and tried to hide it. That would mean it was more than just sex for pleasure and that is something we always tried to avoid.

 

No. I'm a firm believer in "if you're not happy, leave"... why cheat?