One Liners

Discussion in 'Humor' started by rjhangover, Aug 17, 2015.

  1. rjhangover

    rjhangover Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,871
    Likes Received:
    532
    I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

    Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

    Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen.

    Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

    The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

    If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

    If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?

    What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

    You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

    If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

    Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
     
  2. rjhangover

    rjhangover Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,871
    Likes Received:
    532
    Pick Up Lines

    I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.

    Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go fuck.

    I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
     
    20InchesTooCold and Blu3sLady like this.
  3. Blu3sLady

    Blu3sLady Members

    Messages:
    448
    Likes Received:
    368
    hahahahaha... Thanks, RJ. Morning giggles to go with my coffee.
     
  4. puggybear

    puggybear stars may twinkle-but I shine!

    Messages:
    2,569
    Likes Received:
    773
    I've gone off them a bit lately - but I really used to dig graves.

    If you have a pet eel and it loves you-that's a Moray.

    Somebody stole my thesaurus-I just cannot find the words to describe my feelings....
     
  5. rjhangover

    rjhangover Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,871
    Likes Received:
    532
    I'm in lust with a hottie on HP, and when she said she thought I was flirting with her I told her....

    Don't need to hit you in the head with a club....cavemen drag women by the hair so they don't fill up with dirt.....

    I think she lusts me too......
     
  6. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood Senior Moment Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    34,218
    Likes Received:
    26,293
    This is comedy, right?
     
  7. rjhangover

    rjhangover Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,871
    Likes Received:
    532
    Sorry to confuse you, the thread is one liners....the one liner is supposed to be....

    "Cavemen drag women by the hair so they don't fill up with dirt."
     
  8. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood Senior Moment Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    34,218
    Likes Received:
    26,293
    Well, Yeah. I know what the thread is supposed to be about. One liners are normally supposed to be funny though, aren't they?
     
  9. deleted

    deleted Visitor

    a women with down syndrome walks into a shingles bar.. :drummer:
     
    Eric! likes this.
  10. riverman18

    riverman18 solid gold brass

    Messages:
    303
    Likes Received:
    171
    I love to go camping but some find it too in tents.
     
  11. MeAgain

    MeAgain Dazed & Confused Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

    Messages:
    19,782
    Likes Received:
    13,801
    Two Jewish women meet in the street.

    If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

    'I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.' -Mae West

    Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
     
    1 person likes this.
  12. Ashalicious

    Ashalicious Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,193
    Likes Received:
    462
    That's what she...yeah I've got nothing
     
  13. rjhangover

    rjhangover Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,871
    Likes Received:
    532
    off topic...
     
  14. rjhangover

    rjhangover Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,871
    Likes Received:
    532
    Today is my anniversary, the wife gave me a card that says.....

    "Marriage is natures way of keeping us from fighting with strangers."
     
  15. Pieceofmyheart

    Pieceofmyheart Grumpy old bitch HipForums Supporter

    Messages:
    1,295
    Likes Received:
    727
    What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.

    What is the difference between "oooh"and "aaaaaaah"? About three inches.

    Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

    I hope life isn't a joke...cuz I don't get it.
     
    Eric! and scratcho like this.
  16. MeAgain

    MeAgain Dazed & Confused Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

    Messages:
    19,782
    Likes Received:
    13,801
    Then there's the kinky Amish woman, she likes two Mennonite.
     
    1 person likes this.
  17. rjhangover

    rjhangover Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,871
    Likes Received:
    532
    paranormal: two hippies that want to legalize pot
     
  18. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

    Messages:
    30,289
    Likes Received:
    8,560
    A dyslexic woman walks into a bra
     
    1 person likes this.
  19. puggybear

    puggybear stars may twinkle-but I shine!

    Messages:
    2,569
    Likes Received:
    773
    I just played a blank CD at full volume to piss off the mime artist next door!
     
    scratcho and Orison like this.
  20. tumbling.dice

    tumbling.dice Visitor

    Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
     
    scratcho and Eric! like this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice