Should I Leave Or Should I Stay

Hello Every one,

I needed some advice and I am at a point where I want to leave but my heart is too tied in to leave.Please don't be mean I have no time for the BS i just want some advice from people that are not close to me. So here goes ( heads up this Is a life story :wall: :wall I have been with my daughters father for 15 years. When he met me I was pregnant and already had a 1 year old son. We decided to date and in the beginning every thing was great.( like it always is lol ) We moved in together and he helped me raise my boys. Neither of us had jobs so we were starting brand new on our first big adventure. I finally got a job and we decided for him to stay home and be there for the boys because we couldn't afford daycare. At work i received promotion after promotion so him working was never(ever he has had only one job in the 15 year) a deal to me because I kept getting raises. my parents didn't like that fact that he has only had one job our entire relationship and that was when I had our daughter and had to stop working because of maternity leave after he got fired from his job and i was off leave i started back workin. if times did get hard he always came up with a way for us to stay on track, and we have always have until recently. So about some time last year I was getting ready to pay our bills and I saw a phone bill where he was texting and calling a number multiple times a day. Being the person i am I say to me self he does not talk to me that much a day so who is he talking to. I call the number and a female picks up. My heart immediately drops, I call him at home and say who is she and he get quite and says what are you talking about. I say the female that you have been talking to. He try to lie a say oh she's just a girl I met at the store I barely know her but she knows a person that can fix my car the way i want it (mind you i bought his his dream old school car he has always wanted). Right then I knew that was a lie. I went home and he tried to explain to me how she was a girl that he really don't know. I decided to check some more phone bills and found out he had been talking to this female for 6 months. when i confronted him about it he tried to say i was invading his privacy for checking on his phone. (still he barley know her) I find a program that lets me read his deleted text messages and found out he had been dating this girl for 6 months they have been having sex and he has been telling and doing things for her that he has not done for me. The big shocker was that he has fell in love with this girl they say how much they love each other every day. He don't tell me he love me because he say he loves me the same way he loves his mother and his daughter (forever.) and we should already know he loves us. i told him that I loved him and i wanted our family together. (He didn't grow up with a great life and he only had his mom, i grew up with both parents and had a ok life.) I always wanted him to see how a real family stays together. I became depressed and started having panic attacks (horrible) i told him he had to start doing things i wanted him to do better with our relationship and he had to stop talking to the girl and fix our issues. He never did it so i became more depressed and they wanted me to take the meds for it but i refused cause i knew i was stronger than that. One day my ex boyfriend came in town and i talked with him about a month about my life (not about my boyfriend) but of how i was feeling down all the time. All the things that i asked him to do and communication was good between us and that was what i wanted at home because my boyfriend was deadly when it came to communication because he don't like to lovey dovey stuff. so i make a huge mistake and have sex with him one time and my boyfriend finds out by going through my phone and reading a text my ex had just sent. he immediately gets mad and breaks up with me. and goes back an start talking to the girl he cheated on me with. I find her number and explain to her about our family and tell her to ignore him if he text or calls because our family was broken now because of their relationship. (wow that was a lot) Long story short she doesn't want to talk to him anymore because she feels like she is breaking a family apart.(as so he says.) he got locked up and i had to carry the entire house and kids by my self even though the boys was older our daughter still needed day care until i got home from work. so he could be at home with his family i got a lawyer and got him home to the family even though we were still broken up. I couldn't leave him down like that because of our history. when he got out he cam home and said that we were going to work on us and become a family again. later to find out he had started talking back to the girl again. he said he should be able to talk to friends if he wants to. plus we are not together so he doesn't have to justify things with me. but we do everything a family will do defend protect and support each other. so my question is what should i do should i continue to try and fix our family or should i just let him go because it seem like he wants to control me and still do what he wants and all he can tell my is that he is not ready yet because i should of never cheated on him he wants to be single right now. (By control I'm saying he doesn't want me talking to guys,he has to know when I'm going and coming and i have caught him following me to go pay bills to make sure thats is where i go. he still goes through my phone a check to see what he can find.) I'm lost right now and i don't know what to do thats 15 years down the drain and let go or fix the family? ond out he had been dating this girl for 6 months they have been having sex and he has been telling and doing things for her that he has not done for me. The big shocker was that he has fell in love with this girl they say how much they love each other every day. He don't tell me he love me because he say he loves me the same way he loves his mother and his daughter (forever.) i told him that I loved him and i wanted my family together. He didn't grow up with a great life and he only had his mom, i grew up with both parents and had a ok life. I always wanted him see how a real family stays together. I became depressed and started having panic attacks (horrible) i told him he had to start doing things i wanted him to do better with our relationship and he had to stop talking to the girl and fix our issues. He never did it so i became more depressed and they wanted me to take the meds for it but i refused cause i knew i was stronger than that. One day my ex boyfriend came in town and i talked with him about a month about my life not about my boyfriend but of how i was feeling down all the time. All the things that i asked him to do and communication was good between us and that was what i wanted at home. so i make a huge mistake and have sex with him one time and my boyfriend finds out by going through my phone and reading a text my ex had just sent. he immediately gets mad and breaks up with me. and goes back an start talking to the girl he cheated on me with. I find her number and explain to her about our family and tell her to ignore him if he text or calls because our family was broken now because of their relationship. (wow that was a lot) Long story short she doesn't want to talk to him anymore because she feels like she is breaking a family apart.(as so he says.) he got locked up and i had to carry the entire house and kids by my self even though the boys was older our daughter still needed day care until i got home from work. so he could be at home with his family i got a lawyer and got him home to the family even though we were still broken up. I couldn't leave him down like that because of our history. when he got out he cam home and said that we were going to work on us and become a family again. later to find out he had started talking back to the girl again. he said he should be able to talk to friends if he wants to. plus we are not together so he doesn't have to justify things with me. but we do everything as a family. defend protect and support each other he is also home every day not going out like he did when he was cheating. so my question is what should i do should i continue to try and fix our family or should i just let him go because it seem like he wants to control me and still do what he wants and all he can tell me is that he is not ready yet because i should of never cheated on him he wants to be single right now but we're working on us. (By control I'm saying he doesn't want me talking to guys,he has to know when I'm going and coming and i have caught him following me to go pay bills to make sure thats is where i go. he still goes through my phone a check to see what he can find.) I'm lost right now and i don't know what to do thats 15 years down the drain and let go or fix the family?

 

Paragraphs save lives

 

You're still young if you were born in 1984. So, make it official; break up with him, move out or have him move out, and start your life anew without him. Sure, you can work on the relationship, but it doesn't sound like he wants to. When he is ready, then you can decide weather or not you still want to work on the relationship. But, right now he doesn't want to, so you can't do anything, but do your own thing. Which is to break up, move out/have him move out, and start your life anew.

 

Holy shit.

if anyone gets through that, sum it up it quickly.

 

so wait..you were born in 1984? So you met him when you were 15 and you already had two kids?

and he cheated on you for months, tries to control you, and lives off the money you earn? Its not advice when its merely pointing out the obvious

 

I didn't even make it through half of that. The dude is a deadbeat and a cheater. Let him do it on someone else's dime.

 

I didn't read all of your post (I will go back).

Sweetie...leave!!!! We have some commonality!

*I was with my husband for 15 years
*when pregnant with our now 8 year old it made more sense for me to work, him to stay home
*noticed he had 7000+ text messages to one number in less than a month
*told me he wasn't in love with me anymore
*our marriage had issues, communication being one of them; as well as financial

Kicked his ass out October 2013...I am happy! I am me! Was it hard! Hell yeah! We have two children. I NEVER wanted to be divorced, a single parent. I felt like I wasn't going to make it...not because I loved him so and my heart was ripped out...but because he did do a lot of the things around the house (I work a demanding job). I let myself become dependent on him for that stuff.

I did it. I am stronger. I am in a better place.
Leave!
Please message me! I know it is hard. You will make it.

The kids....I cry because I wish they didn't have to go through this. My older son has shared with me his feelings. He won't tell his dad. He knows what his dad did was wrong. He also knows the house is much more peaceful; I'm a better mom. My boys were (are?) close to their dad. He was (is?) and amazing father. Unfortunately, in 20 months (damn that long already) he is a mess.

As I said, please message me. Even if too vent. It helps to have someone that isn't directly related/connected to the situation.

HUGS!!!

Shy

 

Read it all....

Never married? Leave
Go to court to get child support for your daughter

We were married, yet I had to say no. Once he said he wasn't in love with me-hell no. I won't beg any man to stay with me. We also lacked a lovey dovey relationship. Sure it hurt when he sent an accidental text to my son's phone that read something like, "you are an incredible amazing woman."

Move on. I'm 45 and at first I thought he stole the best years of my life...nope...the best years are yet to come!

 

Are you stable now? Whats the situation? It's too late to ask but can't help after reading your story. My friend also was stucked up with the same mental stress and to get out of all he too hired a lawyer and took his helpful hints. A proficient and dedicated lawyer investigates and gathers related information to make the case stronger. The lawyer helped him with the most care.