Well, shit. Back to the old drawing board. Guess I'm in the market for a new one... I've been missing an actual relationship, but was just hitting my stride at not being beholden to anyone. Plus, as is evident in other threads of mine, I have a decent-sized barrel of issues to work through. So. Do I just look for a good lay or do I look for a good man? I'm not saying they can't exist simultaneously, but that would be like hitting the jackpot, and I'm not sure I'm ready for any kind if commitment right now, even if Mr. Right did come along... Kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place, and not in a good way.
What do you want? A good lay or a good man? What is it about a good lay that you want? What is it about a good man that you want? You need to set some standards and go by them or you'll fall for anyone that sparks an interest. Get in with the wrong man for the wrong reason and "getting fucked" will not have the same meaning you once thought it had.
Work on yourself first. Be your own best friend first, take yourself out on dates, shower yourself with the love and attention you deserve. Learn to love yourself before you go searching for a man to fall in love with you.
I think people think that if they don't love the person that they're having casual sex with then they can have sex with them without any attachment. But, there is also crushing on someone, liking someone, and the merging together of two identities as one. In saying that, if you can COMPLETELY separate yourself in all these aspects, and just focus on the sex, then go ahead... fuck away. But, if you can't... you know. On the other hand, I think it won't be totally destructive if you happen to be incapable of doing this, but you have casual sex, anyways. Sex, in aspects of rape, first times, having sex too early in terms of age (Personally, I think anyone under 14, but it really depends on one's society), and other such aspects... can really be destructive to someone, but having casual sex and figuring out, "Hey, I don't like this!" isn't that destructive.
I had trouble separating myself with him a little bit because we had dated prior, but I'd been slowly pulling away and finding interest in others. When he told me he had screwed around, I was sad that this was over but I felt free. He had become somewhat of a selfish lover, and it was just really bumming me out, because I know I look good and someone somewhere would be excited about me enough to want to make me scream. I just felt like I could do better and I had entertained the idea of looking for another arrangement for a while anyway. I might not be ready to commit to someone, but miss that heart racing feeling and I miss being able to tell how much someone wants me. I'm tired of being bored. I miss first kisses and playfulness and not being bogged down by a bunch of shit. I don't want to sleep around, but I feel like something casual might be what I'm looking for right now. It's not necessarily the commitment to one person that I'm afraid of, I guess... It's more the relationship label. Friend with benefits might be more accurate than fuck buddy or boyfriend... I'd like to hang out and fuck and maybe watch a movie, but then go home and let me do me... Relationships are work, man... I'm not ready to do that work. Someday I will be and it will be glorious, but right now, I don't have it in me.
there'd have to be a limite on the frequency of occurrence i'd think or this attachment is bound to creep in before you realize it, and then it's too late. moderation is key, sex is really just another form of instant gratification like drugs or alcohol. you wouldn't expect to drink everyday and not eventually become an alcoholic would you ?
True. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm wasting my time. I'm not going to be young forever and I would like to get while the gettin's good so I don't have a midlife crisis. I've slept with 3 guys in my whole life and I'm almost 30. It's not that I'm ashamed of that number, I just feel like it doesn't really amount to the kind of experience I would like to have under my belt before I really get serious about settling down.
Practicality, really. That whole not dying alone thing starts to look pretty good when you're old and wrinkly and don't nobody want yer ass, lol... Nah, I'm one of those annoying people that believes love is the meaning of life, and it would be sad never to find the real thing. I lost hope in it for a while, but I guess I believe again. I just don't need it right this minute. It's enough to believe it exists. In the meantime, fun! Leave the serious business for later...
I'm old...have wrinkles...still get attention and asked out and flirted with all the time. Someone wants this old ass....old men. LOL It's not your age or looks....it's whats inside that draws people to you ...or pushes them away.
I think I've said this before to you. You don't need a lay or a good man, you need to be alone. There is a certain amount of drama and attachment involved even with a fuck buddy and its really just another excuse to avoid being alone and remaining codependent. Perhaps focus on making friendships with some ladies, then you wont need a man.
Thank you for your opinion. It has been noted repeatedly. I can be by myself. That's not a problem. Just because I get lonely or horny now and again does not mean there's something wrong with me. I realize I have codependent tendencies. That doesn't mean I need to be alone forever or that I have to withhold sex from myself. Everyone keeps telling me to be alone for a while. Well how long is a while? Another year? 2? 5? 10? We only get so many years on this rock. Fucking someone occasionally isn't going to keep me from finding myself.
the key is to attract others to you, let them become attached, but never become attached yourself. never allow yourself to become dependent on someone for they can then use this to their advantage. others being dependent on you is fine however.