so i went out on a date last night for the first time in about 2 years. before this, i was totally against dating and my "sex life" consisted only of one night stands, and short relationships with tourists visiting miami (where i live). so ive mentioned in the past that ive been wanting to have better relationships with women, but my fear of attachment has always kept me from creating those long terms relationships. so club and bar hookups were pretty fun, but i have almost no experience with girls outside of that. so yea, i love bad bitches and thats a fuckin problem! so recently i met this amazing girl and instantly fell in love with her. one big reason is cuz shes black and ive never fucked a black girl, but also she is just over-all amazing. so we went out on a date saturday night, and i was so surprised at how bad of a date i am. i think i got so used to dealing with stupid drunk sluts that my interactions with good quality women suck. she texted me today and she seemed pretty disappointed that i was such a douche bag last night. for example, when your dealing with bar sluts, you tend to learn early on not to buy them shit. also, ive learned to be kind of "dismissive" in order to hide the fact that you just want to fuck them in the bathroom. you also cant show too much interest because you want to pretend like your up to your forehead in pussy. also, i never have any "deep" conversations in a bar, because again, my one track mind is focusing on the perfect time to start making out and feeling her up and getting her horny. and "taking a girl out" for me meant finding a nice dark spot on the beach to fuck, or walking to another bar close by to get more drinks untill she's the right amount of drunk. so anyway, she said i should've bought her tickets to the movies which i totally agree with, it was just my reflex to not buy bitches shit. she said i was pretty rude throughout the night, like not saying bless you when she sneezed (lol) and not pulling her chair out for her at the restaurant. just alot of basic shit that gave her a really bad impression of me. i guess i feel like a asshole cuz i liked this girl so much. i definitely learned alot from last night though, like its the little things you do that stick in peoples heads and makes the biggest impressions. small gestures can go a long way. also, my fear of attachment and falling in love has really limited my interactions and i have to get over that if i ever want to have better dates. so i hope this helps other guys who are also in this situation. if you think your mr casanova at the club becuase you can pick up girls and have one night stands, that does not translate to being a good date, or a good partner, or even a good person.
Good honest self reflection and helpful conclusion. As far as developing long term long term relationships who we are initially attracted to may not be a functional fit, for one the attraction is from afar. If someone complains about my behavior from the first significant encounter the prospects for long term are multiplied. 'Tough road to hoe or tough ho to ride.
yeah i have to admit, all my problems stem from fear. especially fear of the emotional pain thats caused when something like this happens to you.
I went through a miserable series of relationships and found myself lonely much in younger life precisely because I was not mature enough in myself to have anything substantive to offer over time. I wish the early emphasis wasn't on we all look forward to having life partner or finding that thing to fill up on and more on discovering what you have. The powerfully dynamic and mutually rewarding relationship happens when people who are self sufficient come together in friendship and there is absolutely nothing to fear from this engagement. Dating itself is like shopping for merchandise and is an exercise fraught with insecurity because for one you are looking for something you experience as in short supply and there is a chance that the perceived valuable item could turn out to be a lemon or simply not available. So fear of failure on that level and there is fear that you yourself may not be worth the freight to someone else. There is a systemic meanness to personal sensitivity built in. Friendships naturally transpire through congruity of interest. These means through the course of enjoying your own interest or personally fulfilling activity, you come in contact with the likewise interested. Really we are all at a disadvantage in not beginning our education on well being and instead beginning and only educating in terms of good and bad behavior. When you ask people why they did something, regardless of this relentless programming, on many occasions they cannot give you an answer to the motives that had transpired in them.
people can tend to sabotage themselves, too, due to insecurities or whatever..... and some times...things can just click, too....like two pieces to a puzzle.... and no use trying to force any square pegs in round holes, as the saying goes, if it just does not fit.
I don't like dating because I don't like the etiquette. I'm a nice person (usually), I just don't like the scrutiny, the etiquette (just think - etiquette is a set of rules made up so people could be rude or judge each other in public), the fact that every tiny thing is gonna have a big meaning when you're with a girl worth your time. And I don't think I could ever see myself being enough of a badass to be like your "love life" the past two years. A girl worth my time... that'd be something. Except I'm too busy with other shit anyway, and I'm antisocial. Oh well. I choose my life, and my mistakes. Good luck to you and learning from yours
