Hubby Wants Open Relationship...what Do I Do?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Bunnielight, Jan 26, 2015.

  1. Bunnielight

    Bunnielight Member

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    My husband and I have known each other for a really long time (around 9 years). I'm 24, he is 29 and we're both very open minded and active people in the community.
    After over a year of being married, we have become much more open sexually.

    Issue #1: There was one occasion, early on in my and SOs relationship that I slept with another man. We grew up together, I got my first kiss from him, but he was never interested in anything else. The first time we hung out after I turned 21 we expressed mutual attraction and ended up sleeping together. I told SO a few days after it happened as my guilt couldn't take it and that experience was too important. He was very hurt. And It's taken him a while to come to terms with this but after time, my extensive patience and openness, he's become much more comfortable with sex and the importance of communication within that. Sometimes it's not so much about love as it is about the evolution of a relationship. In the end, I needed that experience and he has truly come to understand that.

    Issue #2: Before SO and I got together, I was very sexually adventurous and ended up in a threesome with one of my best friends. She and I were very very close and lived together for a short time. She was one of the most important and influential people ever to come into my life. And in 2 days it will be the 2 year anniversary of her death. It's been extremely difficult for me in many ways that I have attempted to keep from SO simply because it has been too painful. After recently discussing that in several very emotional conversations, it has really made him reevaluate things, relationships, sex, the importance of growth through those relationships.

    Issue #3: While I was out of town this weekend visiting friends, the SO went to a friends to drink. These friends are in an open relationship and apparently the female tried to kiss him. Even though she knows me and she also knows we are not in an open relationship. While flattered, the fact that she knows us both upsets me more than anything. As far as I can tell, these friends have had pretty flawless respect for us other than that. But they were also drinking too..
    But this has also made him process things a little differently. Looking for exploration and growth for himself. Which I completely understand. We're not getting any younger.


    So, all this on our plate and being talked about, last night we got into a heavy conversation about a particular close male relationship that I have and he even went as far as to encourage me to enjoy and appreciate that relationship. He knows we have a deep respect for each other and expressed that he feels said relationship is good for me no matter really where it takes us. He trusts him nearly as much as he trusts me because he has seen him actively respect and protect me.

    I love the idea of my husband being able to explore those boundaries as well....however...as selfish as it is, the thought of him being that intimately close with another woman is really hard for me. I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for that. It is selfish, I am aware, but that's the truth and that's why I'm hesitant with opening this door. As I am perfectly happy keeping things between SO and I. He satisfies me and makes me happy in every way, but the thought of him being that close to another woman, whispering in her ear and kissing her just really bothers me. But who am I to keep those experiences from him if he is willing to open it for me so lovingly?

    tl;dr I have the best most loving husband in the world, and I don't know if I want to share him.
    :unsure:
     
  2. Moonglow181

    Moonglow181 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    I wish you the best of luck here......whatever you do....

    if I ever was intimately physical with anyone, it would be a scared place not to be shared with anyone else. ..or else it would not be sacred or worth anything to me....but that is just me. Everyone is different in this world.
     
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  3. Chodpa

    Chodpa Senior Member

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    get a divorce
    point of marriage is exclusivity
    sorry
    but fuck him!
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Gongshaman

    Gongshaman Modus Lascivious

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    If he wants an open relationship show him the fucking door.

    The point of marriage is exclusivity~Chodpa
     
  5. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    So the point of marriage is sexual jealousy, so envious of both your partners
     
  6. ChinaCatSunflower02

    ChinaCatSunflower02 Senior Member

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    Sorry, OP, but I'm afraid that this in fact is all your fault. You screwed up the moment that you slept behind his back with a "close male friend" early in your relationship. He should have told you to fuck off that very instant.
     
    3 people like this.
  7. IMjustfishin

    IMjustfishin Member

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    if you got to fuck someone else, he should get that same privilege, thats what marriage is all about!
     
  8. rollingalong

    rollingalong Banned

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    .staying with a partner after they cheat is not a cheat card that you get to play later to even the score.....dude could have left and didn't

    I don't share either.....I would NEVER let anyone near my girl 'cept moi
     
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  9. Bud D

    Bud D Member

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    I suggest a large dose of LSD, while watching them together. Then realize during their climax, that neither are for you. Simply moving on works wonders. Losing attachments other than what you gained. Looking down on those 2 is okay for awhile, as long as ya move on.
     
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  10. Gongshaman

    Gongshaman Modus Lascivious

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    Ever been married? I didn't think so. She didn't "get to" she just did. It's called infidelity. I would have cut her loose right then.
    And that he wants to fuck around too she should cut him loose. It's just fortunate kids aren't in the picture...
     
  11. volunteer_tommy

    volunteer_tommy Elongated Member

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    Why are you asking us to judge you? That's your job, and it's gonna hurt more than us yelling at you, but it'll bring a clarity that we can't... if you can ever figure yourself out
     
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  12. AussieDude

    AussieDude Members

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    If you don't let him do this, congratulations, you're both a cheater AND a hypocrite. Blah blah blah 'I needed that experience and he has truly come to understand that'. Maybe he NEEDS this experience as well? Guy should have dumped your ass years ago.
     
  13. Moonglow181

    Moonglow181 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    "I don't share either.....I would NEVER let anyone near my girl 'cept moi "

    LOVE that quote of yours, Rolling....!
     
  14. deleted

    deleted Visitor

    STD tests for all perspective screws every 3months and clean bill of health.. fuck it, and please make videos and share..:D
     
  15. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

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    Exclusivity? Never heard so much bullshit in my life. Last time I thought about what marriage meant was spending your life with the one person you care about. That doesn't necessarily mean that one partner should or has to be your only outlet for sex. I get the "romantics" will have differing opinions, but if it works in the relationship, who are y'all to say it's wrong?
     
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  16. Gongshaman

    Gongshaman Modus Lascivious

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    Why even get married then? Whats the point? A legal piece of paper. Infidelity is grounds for divorce. Do not pass go, do not collect 200$ lol
     
  17. AussieDude

    AussieDude Members

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    Infidelity: the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner.
    Unfaithful: engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding.

    If two people get married with the understanding that they are allowed to pursue extra-marital affairs, that's not infidelity.
     
  18. Gongshaman

    Gongshaman Modus Lascivious

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    So what, thats not how the court's see it. A married couple can have all the verbal agreement they want, all one's got to do is squawk "infidelity" and have proof and it's a done deal.

    If you want to fuck around, don't get married. It could save you a lotta money and heartache.
     
  19. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

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    Why even get married then? Silly question if you ask me. You get married for the nothing more other than the adoration you have for your partner. But a healthy, romantic, proper, "acceptable" marriage is simply up to the individual. You cannot sit here and post your views and direct them to every single relationship. Many variable types of relationships succeed enormously and would put down a high percentage of the monogamous relationships and leave them to shame. Monogamy; old school, huge chance of not succeeding.. says every statistic on monogamous marriage in the western world. They aren't working, not only for even a decade duration, many relationships are ending after a couple of years and that's stretching it for many.

    So given that predicament, I'll ask you the same question Produ.. Why even get married for?

    ;)

    My relationship is the living contradictory to many of the "deal breaking" situations and/or relationships or/and/or lifestyle. Absofruitly no point in telling me what works and what doesn't or/and/or how a successful relationship is maintained. I'd put a lot of you to shame.
     
  20. Gongshaman

    Gongshaman Modus Lascivious

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    You're asking me? It's what I said, why get married? It's no guarantee of anything except a legal relationship. Don't throw "old school" in my face. I don't give a fuck what people do, just don't whine about it when it doesn't work out. You want to let your partner fuck around, do it. Monogamy is an agreement between two people.
    Myself, if you want to fuck me, you have to enter into a monogamous relationship with me or get lost. Thats just me. I'm no arbiter of morals. As far as I'm concerned, infidelity is a legal term, not a moral judgment. If I'm in a romantic relationship with a woman and she fucks someone else, I take that as a sign she doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with me anymore and I cut her loose, it's as simple as that.
    The op asked and I said what I think, take it or leave it.
     
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