This may be the wrong place to post this, so I apologize if it is, but couldn't find any other category that this fit into. Anyways, I'm looking for a woman's POV on this.... Issue/predicament. I'm also going to apologize for how long this post is going to be, because I want to give as much insight as possible to get the best advice. A little background on me... I'm 30 years old, I have 3 daughters ages 11, 6, and 4. My oldest I had when I was like 17 or 18 to a different woman than my youngest 2 kids. I was married for about 6 years and just got custody of my youngest 2 kids about a year ago. I've taken about a year off from being involved with anyone to focus on myself and kids. Needless to say, I've gotten a little lonely, but in no way do I NEED someone to make me happy. I Like being alone and more times than not, prefer it that way. I don't think I'm a bad looking guy, but I'm not Brad Pitt either. I think I'm average looking. i was in the military for about 5 years and have a pretty tough exterior. I'm also pretty numb to emotions with women (not my kids). So here's the issue.... I was trying online dating and have talked to plenty of women, but no one that really kept my attention. I Saw this one girl and she looked like an amazing person. She has a beautiful face, thick but not fat, and has kept my attention long enough to go out. We're the same age and when we met we seemed to really click. I knew she had divorced about a year ago, but I found out she had divorced from someone I was pretty good friends with about 10 years ago. That doesn't really bother me since we haven't talked in about that long anyway. I asked my brother about her because he knew her and her ex husband and he said she's a really nice girl. We've been talking for only a couple weeks and she's turning every conversation into sex. I know guys reading this will see nothing wrong with this... And I see nothing wrong with it, IF I was just looking for a hookup or piece of ass. Im looking for more than that and she said she's looking for more also, but I can't help feel that if I keep seeing her it's going to end badly whether it's a year down the road or 10. I just found out last night that she's been with about 50 guys. I'm not one to judge because of my past, but that seems a little high for a "faithful" woman that was married for 10 years.... The other issue I have is that I don't date someone I sleep with the first night I meet them... I just think if they're willing to sleep with me the first night, they really don't have any self respect and will sleep with just about anyone the first night which is not what I'm looking for. We have not had sex, but I know I could have. I know because she's been telling me she would have if she weren't on her period. Anyways, I'd like a woman's point of view on this subject. Should I end it now? I know no one can really tell me without knowing each of us, but does this raise a red flag to anyone else?? I want to know what women think? Thank you in advance.
Have you discussed with her what went wrong in her marriage, why it ended? Seems to me that if it is feeling iffy to you, then you should follow your gut. Maybe she's just got a high drive and has been without for awhile, but if it is true that she's been with so many guys, I'd be a little worried, too. Might she be a sex addict? How to validate that info? I think info about why her relationship ended would be helpful to start. Did she sleep around on her husband? That might be your fate, too...Since people close to you know her or her ex, more detective work might be in order if it this truly bothers you, which it kind of sounds like it does. Good luck!
She's not for you. Free her up to find a man who places as high a priority on sex as she does. The fact that she wants a serious relationship does not negate that she is a sexual being. If you need a prude, go find one.
Maybe OP is after neither a prude nor a sex addict? I too would say that 50 is pretty high, and knowing first hand a person who had many partners, was a sex addict, and could NEVER remain faithful, I'd say the situation is pretty risky. Do some digging to see if you can validate your concerns, but without any evidence for or against your misgivings, I'd go for caution and save yourself heartbreak down the line,
I have had that many partners. I'm not addicted to sex. I'm capable of fidelity. Maybe she is too. Bottom line though, that's a bad match.
If I'd meet a man I wanted to get serious with, I'd want to have sex as soon as possible. Because sex being an important part of life, I'd like to know as soon as possible if we were compatible. Suppose you postpone sex for a year. Time enough to get super involved, fall in love, etc. Then you finally have sex and find out he/she is a bad lover... wouldn't it be better to have known right away? I didn't understand the logic where people who want to be in a serious relationship should not have sex. I'm not criticizing you. We're all different and we shouldn't settle for less than what we want. Bottom line is that you are incompatible. She wants/needs sex. You don't. edit: to make it shorter, after realizing I had written an essay.
She has had 50 lovers. So what, that's 1 a month over a 4 year period. That's hardly promiscuous. As others have said, she might like sex a lot, nothing wrong with that. Women are empowered these days and confident enough to say thet want it. That's got to be a good thing.
It would be too quick to judge if I'll say she's not good for you. But why not build friendship first and don't just jump into something you might regret later, It's never easy but you should invest knowing her more.
