Hello everyone! I'm new to this site and I hope to find some help. I'm 28 years old, straight/curious man. I had been confused about my sexuality for a while and I used to think that I was bisexual. But I thought these were just fantasies, so I used to forget about it. I had some problems with my girlfriend and we broke up in April, so I seriously started to consider the idea of trying with a dude. I met a married gay man online. He was 36 and since his partner was in another city we started to talk on the phone. I got drunk and decided to meet at his place to know each other. I regret that shit. I was so drunk and we drank more wine. Next thing I know, this man was sucking me off at the balcony. Then, he asked me to suck him, but I didn't because the idea of a cock in my mouth is repulsive. Then, we were making out in bed and, I let him fuck me; that happened 3 weeks ago. He used a condom and lube. Next day, my anus was loose and sore. I got sort of sick for a couple of days. I'm sure it's not a STD because we used protection but having a dick up the ass messed my mind. I didn't like it and remember my mind going to other place while he was doing it. Then, it was fucking horrible, because it took like 2 weeks for my anus and sphincter to go back to normal- but not totally. This is the thing: I wanted to experiment this and I did; I regret it but it's done. I just want to learn, forget this shit and move on. But my sphincter feels different when I remember what I did, it relaxes and opens a little... and when I feel this weird sensation I feel disgusted and angry. I immediately contract my anus muscles and it closes. I may be the only one who feels this way but it is driving me crazy. My question is: will my sphincter and anus go back to normal? how long it takes? How can I stop the involuntary reflexes when these memories come to my mind? Thanks!
You probably need more time to get over this one bad experience. A good way out of this would be to recognize that you bear responsibility for what happened. You live and learn. So, you learnt the hard way. Learn to shrug with your shoulders, and let the bygones be bygones. Having sex with other men does not mean that you have to get fucked. It is just one of the possible options. Consider topping a willing dude? You do not need to get drinking to get there. KD
Yeah, you are right. I'm responsible of this for putting myself in that situation. I was taking the victim role when I allowed it to happen. Now, I'm glad I did, because I know myself more and I know what I like and what I don't. In the future, I should avoid alcohol with people I don't trust.
Tread carefully with the issue of trust. You can have good sex with an attractive guy without investing your time and money to reach the stage at which you trust the guy. Many guys out there are looking for some hot fun. Quite a few of them are perfectly decent guys who behave within the usual perimeters of being safe, and having sex without any substance abuse. One of the great things about sex is that it gives content to male friendships. Disassociate the idea of m2m sex with the scenario you have just experienced. Learn to choose your mates/dates carefully. A married gay man whose partner is in a different city may not be your best choice. How about a single dude who is looking for some good fun without too much baggage around? Avoid shortcuts. Shortcuts usually come with a heavy price attached to them. Try meeting guys in reasonably safe environments. Get to know them even on a very elementary level before you head to the bedroom. Take reasonable time to achieve this. Avoid being desperate for sex, and avoid other dudes who are seemingly desperate to get some sexual release. Anything goes is usually a bad policy. KD
Thanks for your advice. It seems that you have experience with dudes. I didn't have a good experience. I was horny and got desperate. The man I met was not desperate and seems to be only into safe stuff. But, how knows? we can tell a lot from he cheating on his partner; and about me by being part of it. I think it was good to do so, because I learnt more about myself and realized that I enjoy more with girls. Besides, I reassured my role and now I know for sure that I'm a total top. I thought of these things as fantasies in my head, but the reality is way different from what I thought the experience would be. So, I finally made my mind up and going to continue only with women.
I think you learned that maybe, being with a man just isn't for you. And that's good. Now you know. I would have never mixed alcohol with a first time meeting. The potential for things to go wrong is just too great. And as for your anus recovering, I'm surprised it's still an issue. I play back there fairly regularly. And I never have the feeling I'm gaping. But I do quite a bit of anus muscle exercises so maybe mine returns quicker more naturally.
