Im new to Portland been here for about 1 year. I know about like 15 people, which is pretty good so I must say Im proud to say I have more friends than I did when I first moved here. Cept like 6 of those people owe me money or I have fought. So heres my problem, my friends and the people I surround myself with are not necessarily the best match, let alone influence to my lifestyle. My friends are narcissist's who belittle people who dont talk or show little interest in what they want to talk about. They deprive each other of important learning experiences and emotion and dont live in the moment rather, they only see whats going on in the past, the future and compare it to how it affects them in the present; which I must say is extremely dangerous to physical and mental health. They just all around have changed most likely due to their addiction to drugs, which is sad. They have even changed me from a few months of friendship, I used to be extremely outgoing now it feels like every time I open my mouth I shouldn't say anything. With all that in mind I felt like it was a good idea to break off with them, then they started to get wierd. They made the issue about me, which is partially true, but im not gonna change for them. Which made shit hella awkward, I would talk and everyone in the room WOULD STOP TALKING, STOP MOVING AND LOOK AT ME AT THE SAME TIME AND LISTEN SUCH DISTINCT CONTENT I NEVER WITNESSED IN MY LIFE, It's fucking nerve racking. So I mean that shows that they dont want to lose me, so I have been sticking around with them off and on but at the same time, they are really sketching me out. Now one of them is stealing from the other one's; lying to everyone about it. Another one is catholic who has fallen off so far that im not even sure hes catholic anymore; he went to confession the other day and I just feel like his religion is gonna make his problems worst. 1 of them is a drunk who I appreciate dearly but has lost his way, he drinks about everyday and is constantly drunk; hes under 20. I have never seen alcoholism like this at an age so young. And last but not least, there are 2 couples in the house that dont share, that dont talk to anyone about anything that doesn't concern the relationship and basically hate on everything about everything. The other couple is suspicious and shady, they are always off doing there own thing and dont talk to anyone unless it has to do with drama. Now with all this off my chest I can get to the point. My friends, are not upstanding citizens who do community service or have really uplifting personalities, they aren't people who have their game-plan on lock, they are not the kind of people with good insight or experience. They are manipulative, drug addicts, liars, thieves and criminals... the thing that I really dont appreciate is that they dont know who they want to be when they grow up; and the fucked up thing is, they are almost grown up. How do I find new friends, how do I let go of old friends, how do I keep away from them when I see them. I want to help them, but I made this post with the knowledge that they may not change and with the intent that I may have to cut them off, for good. This was hard writing this, people are hard...
Im the kind of kat who hangs around with anyone. Cool, uncool, religious, musician, militia, gangbanger, clean uptight familymen, freemasons, literally anyone because I get along with everyone I dont really try and find bad qualities in people's first impressions. Maybe thats what lead up to this wierd relationship I have developed.... For some perspective
Dear departed gramma used to tell me--"birds of a feather flock together." Pick your "flock" wisely. When shit meets fan--shit is not particular on whom it lands.
get the fuck out and go somewhere that you won't see these people, like ever. i'm not sure if you mean portland oregon or portland maine, but either city should be big enough that you can generally avoid them. especially if you get out of that scene. you will probably stumble across one of them every once in a while; i would just pretend you don't see them, and if they approach you, be polite but distant. i dunno, sounds dickish, but so do your friends.
You can have friends who don't run your life. Get the fuck away from them. Doesn't mean you have to cut them off - unless they push it, then, cut them off. Meanwhile, get out there and find new people. Or at least, savor the rejection.
No one should ever try to control any one else's life ever, unless it is a parent with a child, of course, and only for safety...nothing else.... You feel suffocated....that is your signal to put some distance between you and that.
Thanks guys, your words of advice help me through this. It's kind of hard to think I have to distance the people I appreciate in life for my own good.
But there isn't any reason for me to put on a front either. I basically just mirror the vibe and enjoy the moment, I don't suck up to anybody. If someone pushes a button I will bark, I got bite too; I just dont show fang when Im with the friends(people) Thanks though, the insight is helpful and now I see myself in a differnt light
you haven't really known them long enough to feel any loyalty towards them, and they don't sound like the type of people who would show loyalty to you if push came to shove. Just cut your losses and walk away. It doesn't sound like you're the type of person who would have difficulty making new friends.
it sounds like they are not what you would call "high quality" people and you know it. you really need to have high quality friends because friends shape us in many ways. i would suggest making friends in social settings that are not bars, like school, or gym, or other places like that. take up new group activities like yoga or something. as far as staying away from them, just dont call them anymore. and if they call you, dont put up with any bullshit, have a zero bullshit policy. that will either make them respect you, or it will make them stay away from you.
I never have time to respond to everyone, im sorry! I have done what most have you given me tips on, I do my best not to see them and stay away from their house. I dont see them on occassion but I hear my 2 friends talk about them so they ask questions, just not in person which is pretty cool. I just cant really find much of a reason to go back, I was watching American Horror Story with the Witches and realized I needed to find my own tribe(Double pun. (Inside Joke.)) But strangely enough I have been getting better in a sense that im not self conscious about anything, whereas when I was with them, I felt outspoken and really misunderstood. I just require the talking stick time to time. I have met people like me, it just take time I realized that with the help you guys Thank you! @IMjustfishin @Meliai @TheGhost @Moonglow181 @RooRshack @I'minmyunderwear @scratcho (Lame no mention )
