The way i look at it, I get to stick everything I lick. If a woman asks me to eat her ass, I interpret that as an invitaiton for anal sex. I think it's unfair for a woman to ask you to give her a rim job and then not reciprocate with some anal. If you don't want to get fucked in the ass, I understand that, just don't ask me to stick my tongue in there then! Eating her pussy is a must if you're gonna have sex, and I got no problems with that, but if she wants extra, I feel as men we deserve extra.
i tend to think that if a woman offers one of her orifices to be licked, there may be a fair chance she wants to proceed to the next step - filling it. However.......... always ask. And remember NO means NO!
And remember, never miss a chance to paint a picture of men as some sort of rape-bot that needs to be reminded that "no means no".
Wife likes her ass eaten but does not want anal, but I think part of the problem with anal for her is my size.
I think this is a bad attitude, bordering on a rape mentality. You are not entitled to anything. Ask if it's OK and only Yes means Yes.
How is it bordering a rape mentality? How? He voiced the (reasonable) opinion that if he's asked to lick a butthole, it can be generally assumed that doing more with it is acceptable, and logical. You're all making a remarkable jump from "it'd be nice if I didn't get left hanging and sex was reciprocal" to all the normal feminist screaming about everything being rape, or rape culture, or rape mentality, or rape rape, or rape whatever. Common sense and logic and fairness do not imply rape - not even a teeny tiny bit of rape. The fact that a rapist could rationalize rape does not mean that going into sex with some logical expectations and wants and assumptions (as you hopefully go into everything that you do) has anything to do with rape, or potential rape, or implied rape, or desire to rape, or danger of rape, or lack of understanding of such basic concepts as "yes" and "no".
I said that because if my girl friend asked me to lick her anus, I would, but I would not think that was also permission to do more. So, I don't think it's "generally assumed". To me, it's like if a woman gets raped just because she let a guy finger her.
It's a totally fair assumption - if that assumption is made, anyone who's not okay with it needs to speak the fuck up - consent is already present during sex, you don't need to ask consent for every breath you take - saying "hey, lets do butt stuff" is consent for butt stuff, within reason - if there was a misunderstanding, speak up. Not asking for new consent repeatedly is not rape, it is reasonable to expect that once given, consent is present until it is withdrawn, or the encounter ends. What's NOT a fair assumption is that men need to be reminded to not be vicious rapists, or that men should have to walk on eggshells during sex (or, the rest of life, for that matter). This is a thread about frustration over a perception of a lack of reciprocity during sex - rape or consent concerns are just not on the table, and have nothing to do with this (until you factor in feminist thought-poison - because everything is rape, caused by rape, or done in preparation for rape, and all sex must involve "oh shit, this isn't rape.... is it?" constantly running though everybody's minds). The very existence of this thread proves that that's insane bullshit, or else he wouldn't be complaining, he'd be raping.
Well, first of all, I didn't say it was rape so I think you are unfair to characterize it as me calling him a "vicious rapist". I said his attitude was bordering on a rape mentality. He said "I get to stick anything I lick". That seems like an unwarranted assumption to me and rather aggressive. And he whines about it being unfair if he doesn't get his way. Clearly, he expects to get his way with women.
Again, no rape to it. "bordering on a rape mentality" is a meaningless smear - he didn't rape anyone, he didn't imply any desire or intention to rape anyone. It's totally reasonable to expect to get your way in a matter where you're giving someone else their way, and it's a connected way. It's fine to expect sex to be a two-way street, and it's fine to be frustrated if it's not, and it's fine to state your policy of assuming it to be. Feeling entitled to something and frustrated when it turns out you were just used is not bordering on a rape mentality, a man can want to have sex or expect sex and not be a rapist - rapists inflict their sex on others, that's the one defining characteristic - there's no danger zone of people who are not afraid to want and expect sex to continue in a logical way - there's just a danger zone of people who rape people. If you see rape in this, you need to re-think rape, and sex, and life. Sex is not all inherently a BDSM humiliation game for the amusement of the female, where the male is not allowed to want anything or expect to get his way, and should be thankful to lick that ass without having any expectation about where the situation is going. If you have sex without expecting to get your way and what you want out of it, there's something very wrong. It's fine to feel frustrated, what the fuck else would motivate you to find someone more compatible?
Oh, I thought that's was because us wimminfolk wear skirts that show ankles. Rape mentality isn't the same as rape. But it is justification, and they do hang out together. The original post/comment was that lick=permission for penetration! without clarifying. So if I rim someone, I can whip out a 12inch strap on without asking? Ummm, no.
Anal penetration is even trade for analingus? I would think reciprocal analingus would be more equal.
Even doesn't mean identical. But you're right, if someone generally enjoys anal stimulation, it shouldn't be treated like it's some terrible burden that they're giving up in a trade, to allow that activity to logically progress in a way that allows the other partner some pleasure as well. It's more like some sort of investment dividend, than a trade.
I think, whether giving oral or receiving penetration, the requisite effort largely depends upon the ass in question. I stand by my statement that even does not mean identical - and furthermore, sex is one of the only things in the world where an identical trade even makes any sense - trading for different equal things is usually the point.
I think we are finding some limiting language in these dialogues which go directly to "rape". However I think you agree that OP shows a little "entitlement issues" when he is angered that analingus does not lead to anal sex. A woman letting you go down on her pussy also does not mean she is fine with sex either. This is just communication between two people. If anyone feels they are being sexually manipulated for favors and not receiving reciprocation in kind, this needs to be voiced to the person in question, if the response is not good, then relations need to end. There's really nothing else to say.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not championing the OP's general attitude or communication skills - but I've been trying to avoid making caveats here or making it about what else OP might have done wrong, because I think it's very important to be very clear about what rape is. There are no fuzzy lines in this case (from what's been said), there is no almost-rape, there is no rape-apology, there isn't any of that. I greatly resent it when "rape" comes into every discussion where a man has any sexual expectations or frustrations or whatever. There's obviously a problem here, but it obviously has NOTHING to do with rape, and I find the comparison damaging to society and our collective consciousness and worldview.
I am not talking about forcing sex on someone, that is WAY off topic here. I am just saying that I believe in fair play. If a woman wants me to do extra stuff, I expect extra stuff in return. If a woman asks I tell her before hand, if you want me to eat ur ass, I want to do anal, and if she declines, then analingus is off the menu just like anal. I don't think women should expect analingus no more than guys should expect anal. If you want more, you give more. Sometimes it's just astonishing to me that people will take what you say and run so far with it. I was talking about reciprocation and it turned into rape. Anyway.
