Loner Or Slut?

I'm feeling a bit taciturn about bringing this up. Please be kind and thanks as always.

So I went to therapy yesterday. We talked about these incessant negative daydreams of being belittled and bossed around. We also talked about living in a sexist society/world where I feel as if I'm up against a lot.

So I told her I had two plans mapped out. She said both sound good, just pick which one works best. So I need help picking one way to cope and navigate.

Loner

-Talk to myself when the daydreaming starts: "I'm alone, I'm at peace, nobody's bothering me..."

-Don't talk to people because people might be narrow minded and painful

-Enjoy alone time

-Keep a few friends, like four tops plus family

Slut

-Use mantras like "free spirit" or summon sexual women like Susie Bright to calm down when dreams start

-Distract myself with sex-related materials like the show Bad Sex on LOGO

-Have mindful sex

-Rebel

What do you think?

 

Hmmmm...only 2 options...loner or slut?
I would choose loner then.....
I talk to lots of people, but that does mean I am a slut or jumping into bed with any of them....
I think, in life, there is always a happy balance.....sometimes, I like to be quiet and alone with my dreams,my art, my writing, etc.... and other times, I want to talk, laugh and have fun.....like a social butterfly.....
I pick and choose very wisely who gets closest to me in life, is all....

 

Yes I love being alone. Yes I also like mingling with like minded people like at the sex parties. I like Latin culture so I sometimes practice Spanish or Portuguese on a Latino. But I really like being alone.

 

I'm like the 4H Man. I can shift modes very easily as far as being social or quiet.

 

You know, I'm colorblind. And yet sometimes I tend to think the vast majority of the rest of the world is, rather than me.

You're dealing in extremes. You're grasping blindly at things you tell yourself will help. Wanna know something? They won't do jack shit. In fact, overall, it'll probably just make you worse off. You can't use strictly one thing or another to go and distract yourself. You need something quite different from being alone (because being alone actually makes it worse) and from distracting yourself with sex (which won't help in the long run either, especially if you're in this condition). You need actual healing. You need to delve deep inside yourself and discover the source of this negativity, and when you have, you have to bring it out to the surface, fight it, and get rid of it. And you need to do this with the help of... well, someone who can actually help you, rather than this rather mindless and, well, in my opinion, quite stupid person you call a therapist. You need someone who can help you become a more balanced person - fighting one extreme with another will simply weigh you down more. You need instead to lift the weight. (See what I did there, what I mean? It's a metaphor for positivity and negativity - there's enough negativity around you that you can't add to it yourself. And you can't try too hard to push positivity up, either - it will drain you and leave you as a withered husk of what you where, emotionally. Hence me saying to lift the negativity and cast it aside) It's not easy. I know this. Trust me... I know. But I want you to know it's possible. Otherwise I wouldn't have let myself live long enough to tell you this.

 

I read this earlier and didn't know what to say and still don't. Because... I don't understand the absolute. The need to be one thing or another. I don't know, maybe I'm just not getting the point.

 

Stop giving money to therapists.

Instead give it to a toyboy, he can at least pretend to listen and youll also get slidy slippery stuff as well, all for probably less per hour than the therapist

 

if you're in my immediate area, i recommend slut. otherwise, go with loner.

i think 4h probably got its start in farming, but it's a lot more than that these days. from 4h's website: "4-H is the nation’s largest youth development and empowerment organization, reaching more than 6 million 4-H youth in urban neighborhoods, suburban schoolyards and rural farming communities." i grew up in a complete farm town, and the year i did 4h, they didn't even accept farming projects (i really don't know why, i assume just because all the farm kids were already doing farm stuff without the help of a club).

 

Iminmyundies could be your toyboy, hed do it for pizza and xbox games

He could be Iminyourunderwear

 

Sounds like a pretty whacko psychiatrist. Since when do they offer solutions? They're losing money if they "mend" you.

 

Yeah I don't know about my therapist. I only see her once a month because of work. To be fair, she has mentioned that my wants are too narrow and that I should be more flexible. My insurance pays for it, I don't.

I notice I often try to align my entire life with one label, like "slut", "loner", "hedonist", "Satanist", "feminist" or something. I need to stop putting myself in a box. Why can't I just be a normal person who does a variety of things and happens to like hooking up?

The negative daydreams are there all day long, bossing me around. They're incessant unless I'm completely absorbed in what I'm doing.

I live a beautiful life. I have a loving family that doesn't judge me and knows everything about me, I have a job that I enjoy doing with a laid back boss/co workers, a place where I can dress how I like and there's no anger, the weather is to die for, I live in an affluent neighborhood of million dollar condos no bullshit, etc. But these negative daydreams just really threaten to ruin my days.

And 99.9% of these mental movies are completely pointless.

 

Both. I need alone time everyday and I have a small group of close friends. But I also have sex and stand up for things I don't think are right. Why do you need to choose? Can't you make your own path?

 

I think I got your problem figured out, actually. You talk about attempting to align yourself strictly with a label, as you feel that will give you purpose. You may not be aware that's how you feel or why you feel that way, but that's how you feel. But by so aligning yourself you also cut out parts of your true self and ignore them. Basically, you aren't surrendering your over-high ideals to the true you.

Ahh... the classic crisis in confidence of self, of who you are. Let's see, you have negative daydreams you can't seem to control, and, as it seems, the subject is almost always you being forced to do something you don't want to, and being bossed around.

Take a step back for just a minute. It's not a coincidence at all. Your negative daydreams are actually a representation of yourself, and what you are unwittingly doing to yourself by not being... well, open about who you are to yourself. I see it all the time - among teenagers, that is. I am a teen, by the way - so it's only natural! So anyway, the next logical step it to reflect back. I'm betting something happened in your youth, during your teen years when you're supposed to be developing yourself, that made you not trust yourself, that made you instead trust all these labels and extremes, deciding which version of yourself you wanted to commit the rest of your life too, without ever realizing that if you stopped worrying about it... it would all go away. You're probably good at categorizing things and spotting problems only once you have that idea of category. That's because you derive your ideals from those categories, or, in the case of your life, a label, instead of letting all that chaos go and following your own heart. You won't be conscious of any ideals anymore, which will be terrifying, but your true ones will be able to come out in full force if you stop blocking them with images, with fake ones.

 

Thanks for responding and being respectful.

Yeah I only trust myself on the Internet. That's why I can be open and honest in online communities.

I really don't trust myself to not repeat history. I have endured years of bullying and being a follower to curry favor with everyone so I wouldn't get bullied again. I lost my reputation in middle school after I told my girlfriends that I sucked Jason's dick. They told people and people would come up to me and ask me and I would just say yeah I did point blank. It was no big deal to me. But I was branded the school ho and lost all my friends. Jason became the most popular guy in school and was the ringleader of the bullying. So I did a 180 and maintained virginity until the age of 22. I thought since guys get props for getting some, girls would get props for resisting. Nobody cared. I thought I would be a queen. "You're like a tree. You're there but nobody sees you." "Beautiful women are boring." "You're the trophy, I'm the whore."

So I was like that was pointless. So I'll just do what *I* want to do. And went back to slutting around.

I'm a very private person and carry myself like a "good girl." One of my co-workers called me a nun the other day. I was amused.

All the weird threads I post stem from an inability to trust myself not to let it happen again. Like "Other Black women and Muslim men": if I just avoid those two stereotypically aggressive groups (who comprise most of my daydreams) I won't be humiliated and harassed into going back to walking the straight and narrow. Or "Loner" same thing, if I don't talk to "normal" people I won't get hurt and controlled. Or "slut" to distract myself from the obsessions or to replace one obsession with another.

 

ps3.

 

I'm the loner type and that is kind of OK. You could try it for a while.

People only hurt you when you allow them to. We need to slowly learn to "not listen". I'm not talking about confrontation. I'm talking about not listening to them. It's difficult, but we should try.

Reading other posts of yours, I always found striking the fact you care so much for labels and for what people tell you, or think of you, or even stuff from TV shows. It's as if you didn't live for yourself, but even when you do what *you* wanna do, it is as if you were playing a role to get a reaction from people around you. I'm not saying you're like that, I'm just saying that's the impression I get. Is that the case? Only you know. And only you know if that's good for you.

It sounds a lot as if your environment was very negative for you. In an ideal world, you'd move away, far away and start over. Utopia, I know.

Whatever we say here can't really help you. It's in your mind. And these are the worst problems to solve. I have my own issues and I know how hard it is. We know exactly what we should be doing, but we just can't do it.

You can be loner this hour, then switch to slut when you feel like, and hedonist when that suits your mood, then back to loner, or something else... it can all fit in one day.

 

this is a great example of black and white thinking, and overgeneralization.

 

I'll answer in a more serious fashion this time.

Up till 22, whether all that had happened or didnt happen. How do you know you wouldnt have ended up in the exact same place today.

You had to suffer years of bullying in school, who here on these forums wasnt bullied at school in some form or another, by how much, more than you less than you?

You carry yourself as a good girl at work, well who doesnt, just gets messy if you mix personal with work

And bit of a loner now, in that 99% of the population you dont want to bother with, dont really have the time for anyway, that pretty much describes everyone, even if they do have a whole bunch of friends still represents a miniscule fraction of the people they encounter day to day

Therapists, when you are at the same place as everyone else. Actually from what you've told us, educated, with a good job, you sound like you have it better than most