Sex Was Always Hard But...

Discussion in 'Sexual Health' started by betsycam, Aug 20, 2014.

  1. betsycam

    betsycam Members

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    lately it's gotten harder!

    I'll start by saying that I have always had a hard time getting to the first orgasm, having to rub my clit quite vigorously, and with an old wrist injury, this ends up painful. Once I get the first one, then I usually can have more, more easily.

    I am 49 and in menopause. A couple of months ago I had shingles, and guess where I had it? The assumption was I had herpes, even though I've been monogamous (and so has my hubby) for 18 years! I was tested, and indeed it was shingles, not herpes. Anyway, with the rash on my labia I was out of commission because sex was painful.

    When we resumed having sex, I just couldn't get to the first orgasm. No connection between clit and vagina, which is a must for me.

    So, I don't know what's going on. I have a low sex drive, and the pain issue makes me not interested all that much. Then, my husband isn't very big. He has always used a cock ring, and usually can get me off. Lately, I just hardly feel him and he's not getting as hard as he used to. I feel cavernous. I got some Ben Wa balls to practice/strengthen with, and I can hardly hold them in, so I know I am also too slack :-( I've never had children!

    He doesn't have trouble getting excited, but the quality of his erection seems to have changed, just not as hard. Would Viagra or such help with getting harder? I have put them blame on my slack self, haven't told him that I feel like his hard on just isn't as hard as it used to be. How should I discuss this with him?

    A lot going on all at once, so where to start first? Will try to hit the Ben Wa balls more.

    Just wish sex was easier!
     
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  2. -Yggdrasil-

    -Yggdrasil- Einherjar

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    Grab the dude by the balls, slap his cock and tell him to wake up to himself. :D
     
  3. TheOrchardist

    TheOrchardist Member

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    Would some good quality toys perhaps help? It might not just work for you but a lot of fun for hubby too.
     
  4. naturegirl1

    naturegirl1 Member

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    Firstly you sbould realise that shingles can wreck the neural paths in the affected area so your genital zone may be numb now.
    Definitely use the Ben Wa balls regularly though you can achieve the same results by simply clenching your pelvic floor muscles and holding them clenched for 10 seconds, repeat this 5 to 10 times perset & do 5 sets a day.
    Give hormone replacement therapy serious thought, it really works (I'm proof of that!) & will help with vaginal health and maintain good secretions.
    Finally if your husband is willing get him to try viagra, that drug is now much cheaper these days. Good luck & PM me if you want more information.
     
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  5. betsycam

    betsycam Members

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    naturegirl1, you may be on to something with the shingles - I was very afraid of that. I did get some toys and even had times with those where I got nowhere! Yesterday I was able to get myself off, so I guess there's hope. I've always been a one-hit wonder with my husband in that because of his size there's just one position that I can come in with clit stimulation; otherwise, the switch goes off for cumming even though it feels good in general. I'd really like to be able to branch out, but when we try I just can't connect and get frustrated and want to quit trying. Got an appointment for the doctor to discuss hormones etc.

    These forums have really helped me in the last few days to get a little more in touch with my sexual self, something I've never been comfortable with. I have a new fantasy, too. Did anyone here ever see that show on HBO, Real Sex? There were segments where people went to sex retreats and worked on group pleasuring. I fantasize that I could be in such a group where I'd lay there and a team of people would go to work on me teaching me how to "feel" and respond to various sensations and touches, getting me off in ways I was never able to before.
     
  6. naturegirl1

    naturegirl1 Member

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    Depending on where you live, I can recommend a Tantra & Life coach who gives brilliant coaching & massage therapy. She was based in Washington State, but has moved recently & I would need to email her to find out where she now practices.
    Let me know.
     
  7. DieselGirl

    DieselGirl Members

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    Naturegirl1, I could use one of those! Where I live, it's doubtful such a practioner exists here! Fresno, CA?
     

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