Friends and family guilt tripping me out of suicide?

Just curious as to what others think about this. Posting this here because I've experienced quite a few profound posts from people on this board and I also don't want to bother my friends with this anymore.i

Other than a few week or two stints of just being in mild pain, I've been in excruciating pain for over two years now and there's not much hope that I'll heal. The only thing I've found that brings the inflamation down, lets me eat and sleep, and helps me mentally tolerate this is cannabis...but I have to smoke and eat a bunch of it to get relief. Problem is our society has demonized the plant and is simultaneously propping up a black market for it so the prices stay high. Since I'm in too much pain to focus, I can't work much so it's been super difficult to get meds.

I've extinguished every option I can find as far as state assistance and other forms of western assistance go and basically, I'm not worth enough to that system to get help. Middle aged, healthy looking white male=no help.

My friends and family are well aware of the pain I'm in and other than my mom and one friend doing what they can, which is just enough to keep me alive and suffering, I've been fighting this battle alone.

I've lived a full life and loved hard. I've had near death and intense psychedlic experiences so I really feel like I've seen the other side...and it's beautiful so I don't see death as a negative or an end, just a transition to a different form of existence.

Even if I were healthy, since I value truth, knowledge, and love but am stuck in a world running on lies, ignorance, and fear, I've wanted to escape for a long time now....like twenty years or more.

I've held on because I didn't want to cause my family and friends any pain but I just can't do it anymore.

I've explained my predicament to them and they tell me it will wreck them if I check out early....but when I repeatedly beg for help....(crickets chirping)

It's not like I just expect help for nothing and am needy all of the time. On the days that I'm feeling decent, I'm usually helping my friends for free, fixing their vehicles and electronics. I've done many thousands of dollars worth or work for them over the last few years for nothing but smiles..but when I need help, no response.

So, here's my dilema. I want to leave this world ASAP but I don't want to cause suffering when I do...espesially to those that I love....but....if they really loved me, wouldn't they want me to be free from pain and existing in a realm where I actually feel at home? They say I am being selfish for wanting to quit but I think they're being selfish by wanting me to keep suffering just so they don't have to deal with their irrarional thoughts about death.

Interested to hear some opinions on this.

 

Uhh.. wow

Obviously, it's a very personal decision.. I'm all for euthanasia, under certain circumstances..

If the pain's really that bad, then fair enough, but I get a sense that you're feeling sorry for yourself and are looking for extra reasons justify suicide.
Call me ignorant, but if the pain was that bad, there would be no reason to ask anyone at all, especially randomers on a forum.

Who are you trying to convince?

Your world view is jaded. There's an equal amount of good in the world at this level. At the next, the lies, ignorance and fear are fueled by an attempt to reach love anyway.
Bullshit excuse

And are your friends helping you, but you're not seeing it because you'd prefer the help to come in a different form?



But yeah, dead people hurt the living, whichever way they go out. It's just one of those things..
From my brief judgement of your post, and knowing nothing else about you, I think you're just going through shit patch.. hang in there, you'll know for certain if you wanna pop yourself.

 

What Is The Cause Of Your Pain....??



Cheers Glen.

 

I appreciate your thoughts.

I know there's good in the world but it pales in comparison to the suffering. Our priorities are all screwed up. I don't want to dwell on that but it's undeniable. The simple fact that I can't pull my rv onto an abandoned property and grow some food and meds proves this to me beyond a doubt.

I've messed up my neck and when it gets inflamed, which basically happens if I hold my head up for more than two or three hours. When it gets inflamed, it pushes on my brain causing extremely high blood pressure, intense headaches, dry heaving and vomiting, and sometimes nocturnal incontinence. I've been trying all kinds of stuff to fix it with no luck.

I posted this to see what other people's thoughts are regarding the selfishness of my friends and family. I don't hold it against them because the system is stacked against the normal folks and basic survival is very comsuming.

If you search my older posts here, you'll see that I've been fighting this and toughing it out for a long time. I feel peace and hope when I think about the other side. Just trying to figure out how to go without causing suffering....or justify the suffering???

Telling someone that's suffering to keep suffering simply for the sake of saving you from grief is not help. I need a tiny plot of land near the people I love to post up on and grow food and meds and I can probably keep going for a while but it's illegal to live on your own land in an rv in all of the areas that I'm interested in living in. I could get a patch of land in the middle of nowhere but I need to be part of a community.

Just random thoughts. Thanks again for reading.

 

I'm no expert on anything so just consider this just another point if view with little experience to back it up. It sounds to me like you are fighting it all rather than letting it be. Like I said I'm no expert, but just stop for 5, 10 or even much longer and don't look at the pain, fear, boredom, pleasure, happiness, etc..., as good or bad. Just look at it like you are just staring off into space and it all just happens to be there in front of you.

I know that sounds wacky, but it sounds like you need a break from the fighting as much as you do from the mental and physical pain. At least you have some control over the fights you pick.

Do you have a family history of depression or abuse? If so, seek professional help. If you've tried a therapy without success (after sticking with them for a while), try a different one.

I agree with MeatyMushroom about all but the part of his post about asking randomers on a forum(which I only disagree in that I feel people should look for help anywhere they can, however I feel this probably isn't the best place to find help). We are are human. We are designed by evolution to be social. We look for support and at the same time we want to give it. Most people do not like to see others suffer.

Hopefully others can give you some more advice. You might also look for forums that deal with suicide.

I hope you find your way.

 

Sounds awful! Cho-wa tea http://cho-wa.com/ helps me with pain, also certain spices like tumeric, avoiding nonprocessed food reduces
inflammation, a skilled chiropractor, acupuncturist, etc.

But if you really wanted to go, you'd just take something and leave.

Maybe if you decide to get better the universe will bring you an answer, like what happened to me, when I was almost dead. My own answer was dropping
processed food, red meat, and sugar, and going to a highly skilled (middle-east philosophy) chiropractor. I was cured in three visits. But it started with me making a
decision to get well and not die. Then the answers just came.

But maybe you are looking for an excuse to check out. I was suicidal all my life..didn't want to live. I finally found out I am partially trans and once I acknowleged
that male part of me, the depression lifted.

Your case may not be close to mine, but making a decision to be well could.
Quantum physics (and the Bible) says that nothing happens that isn't imagined first.
But it's up to you, after all.
I never commited suicide because of my religious beliefs..wasn't sure I wouldn't "go to hell."

 

Didn't read whole post or all resonate but you don't wanna kill yourself totally or you would have done it already. A lot of people think about killing themselves, I have, but if you are really in that much pain you wouldn't be advertising it so much. Life is worth or. Go to a damn ER and get some pain pills. There are ways to cope. Smoke pot, you said that helps I mean shut dude, live.

 

I have a friend who was in a car wreck last year, and is going through something similar. She's in pain 24 hours a day, and has told me several times, she doesn't think she can live with this. She recently changed doctors, got several opinions, and found there's a surgery that will fix her neck.

Maybe try a few different doctors? Find someone who can offer you different options?

Also, I feel like you're dreaming of going to this utopia that probably doesn't exist. Just because you saw it while you are on psychedelics, doesn't mean it's real. Maybe it's just the agnostic in me, but no one truly knows what happens when they die, until they actually die.

That being said, I believe in the right to die with dignity in certain situations. In certain cases, it could be better to be dead rather than to live your life wishing you were dead. However, I don't think your at that point. Exhaust every option. Try every type of alternative medicine before you pull the plug.

 

I really do appreciate the advice offered here.

I've tried everything you guys have suggested. I can't get access to western medicine. Been trying for years. Herbal remedies have had some mild effects but not enough. I can't just go smoke some pot or take some pain pills because I'm broke and too hurt to work.

I'm at peace with transitioning other than how it will affect my friends and family which is what I was hoping to get some insights on. I'm not doing anything about these feelings until I figure out the friends/family deal. I do not want to cause suffering when I go.
I don't like the idea of that at all!

As far as this being the appropriate place to ppst, I feel like the diversity on this board should provide some interesting opinions, I don't want to bother my friends about this anymore, and after all the research I've done over the years, I could be a shrink.

Thanks again everyone!

 

Since you are a white healthy looking male take out an enormous life insurance policy and then step out infront of a bus.


Your family will be rich and can wipe their crocodile tears on wads of $100 bills.



I am sure your constant whining has been wearing on them for years. My brother is alot like you and frankly we are all sick of bending over backward and conforming our lives around his whining about the state of the world and his pain and his desire to die.... But the fact he is to much of a pussy to do it. He is an enormous burden on us emotional, financially ( my parents had to come out of retirement to go back to work to pay for hum to sit on his ass and smoke pot and watch tv) and is an all around downer to be around and we hope he would stopping being a pussy and just kill himself bit then of course we would get stuck paying for his funeral and his debts.

Most families end up hating their sick relatives because they consume huge amounts of their lives.

 

Suicide is viewed by most as inherently selfish. Your friends and family will blame you and they will miss you and it will cause them pain. Unless you're 90 years old and already terminal, this is pretty much unavoidable.

You can't really blame anyone for guilt tripping you - no one wants to see you kill yourself. Since you can't control the way others feel about the subject, I think you should start by asking yourself a few important questions. Can you die with the knowledge that you will be causing others pain? Is relief of the pain you are feeling worth the pain you will inflict upon others?

Another important question i think you should ask before even broaching the idea of suicide is, have you really exhausted every form of treatment? Have you tried alternative therapy - acupuncture, chiropractic medicine, various forms of eastern medicine? Have you really researched your particular illness and met with others who are suffering from the same thing? Joined a support group? You might find solutions that have never crossed your mind if you seek out others who have the same illness.

 

Ok. Nevermind. Half of you didn't even read my posts.

And to the guy with the sick brother, I hope you're playing the tough love card. If you are, I appreciate what you're trying to do. If not, and you and your family really feel that way about him, you're scumbags of the lowest form.

Despite my issues, I've never mooched off of anyone and I'm posting here for the specific reason that I do not want to "whine" to my friends and family. I can't help it if they see me hurting and I've asked them for help a few times over the last few years but I don't whine to them of impede their lives.

Just stuck between a rock and a hard place here and was looking for ideas about that issue. If you guys think I'm a pussy for not wanting to either burden or hurt my friends and family.....whatever. Thanks for strengthening my hope for humanity. (That was sarcasm btw)

 

You stated you tried every option in western medicine. All of our suggestions were excluding that.

Either way. We can't help you decide wether or not committing suicide and ending your pain would outweigh the hurt it would cause your family. Only you can make that decision.

Either way, I truly wish you the best. Keep us updated. I'm interested in which path you decide to take.

 

I haven't tried accopuncture and chiropractors are scared to touch me but other than those things, I've tried everything you listed. I've got a whole cabinet full of herbs and supplements but I can actually push the inflamed discs around with my finger. Pretty sure the c1 vertebrae broke and didn't heal or didn't heal right. So far, despite all my efforts, no luck on getting a real diagnosis. The only clinics I can afford just talk and push pills.

I'm thinking I'll have better luck finding healthcare in a third world country.

I guess I was hoping there were some people here who had experienced this situation directly..from either side. Anyone that hasn't probably shouldn't be giving advice because it's a tough situation to wrap one's head around when they've experienced it. I don't see how someone that's never experienced it could understand at all. That said, I really do appreciate those that have taken the time to reply.

My mom's coming to visit in a month so I'm hoping we can come to a compromise of some sort.

 

Danny, we can't give you advice on if you should take your life. You are the one in pain and you have to deal with it daily not us. So there is no way we could ever steer you in the right direction. I am toatally against suicide, but I do see your side of this.

The only thing I would suggest is that if you do it please leave a letter to your family and let them know that you can't stand the pain any longer and that you are sorry for the pain that you have caused them by doing so. Don't disfigure your body in the process of doing so and don't tell them you are going to do it because they may find you and try to stop it. Also make sure that what you do works and doesn't leave you in a state where your family has to take care of you for messing it up. Let them know that you need to be at peace and pain free. I hope you don't choose this route, I would hope you can find another way to relieve the pain. Good Luck. You can PM me anytime and I will talk to you all you want.

 

^ this. You can see 10 different doctors and not get the same opinion. You may have some other options.

Acupuncture could be really good for you. I would try acupuncture before any surgical approach, since it's pretty safe. If there is an acupuncture school near where you are, you may be able to get treatments for cheap if they have a student clinic. Maybe even worth moving to be close to a clinic.

You might want to look into a chi-gong practice. I heard about this guy who is supposedly the lineage holder of a chi-gong practice who got into a bad car accident. Apparently he fucked up his spine pretty bad. He claims that he was able to recover by doing chi-gong practice.

I'll reference the website, but I can't vouch for this particular style of chi-gong. There might be other styles that you would like to try. The site lists some instructors in AZ. Maybe they could cut you a break on the fees?
http://www.energyarts.com/
http://www.energyarts.com/instructors

If you do stuff for friends, but they can't be bothered when you need help, it's time to dump them, imho.

I don't believe in trying to talk anyone out of suicide, but instead I'd say that in most cases, there's a way for things to get better. You might want to talk about what you are experiencing at www.suicideforum.com

So I think it would be good to try really hard at some of these methods for recovery.

If eventually you decide that you should kill yourself (which I don't recommend), I think you should make it really clear to your family that you've really tried hard at everything that you know of to get better, and that making you stay on would just make you suffer.

Doing everything you can to get better is the best option imho, because not only could you save your own life, it would also be much easier on the people that love you. Beyond that, consider that people often fuck up their method, and way more fucked than when they decided to kill themselves.

I wish you the best in whatever path you take.

 

well like I said maybe you should seek out a support group or find a forum for people in chronic pain or terminal illness. Not sure why you asked for advice in a hippie forum if you're only looking for advice from people who have been in your situation. But there are definitely forums for people who would understand better.

 

Grainpsilo, sounds like you are just being a massive douche here.

I'm not so sure that you are even painting an accurate picture of your brother. You certainly seem to be the one doing the whining about him. And maybe you've got it wrong, or at least partly wrong.

Even if you are right about your brother, you seem to be projecting all of this onto DannyD. You really only know so much about his situation, and it certainly doesn't sound like you've paid much attention to what he's said. Sounds to me like his family loves him and wants him to stay around. Encouraging someone to kill themselves without exhausting other options just because he has some element of commonality with a brother that you obviously hate is totally irresponsible.

 

I am just saying he is being selfish if he doesn't take out a large insurance policy first.

 

I think taking your own life is a question only you can answer. It wouldn't be right of us... In the internet universe to sit here and say "yes, end it all!" To someone who is the sole word we have. If you are in so much pain that you truly don't see the point in living anymore, how can we tell you different when it's your life to do as you wish.

I don't wish that you take your life because I wish you to find some healing. Of course your family doesn't wish it because they want you with them longer. So while it may be a selfish act on your part, it is equally selfish of them to want you here.

Have you really ran out all your options or is your hopelessness telling you that? Sometimes our vision can be blurred by the pain we are in.

I truly wish for some healing in your life. I do not know the pain you are experiencing but your pain is obvious in your writing.

If nothing else just remember that you are not your body. I hope that you can find some kind of peace.


<3 Bunnie