Who knows? What I do know is that I won't know until it happens and I don't bother myself with trying to live life worried about what will happen when I die. Whatever happens will probably happen to everyone, regardless of what magical book a person believes in.
All my loved ones will cry their eyes out if their still around when I die. Then they will put me in a whole. If I last too long, I might be sitting round in a nursing home and when I finally die then, ill just be a bunch of shitty paperwork for some already overworked nurse. But yea, going a little deeper, as far as I know, your bod decomposes in some way. Theres no way around this unless you want to have some taxadermist do some work on ya. Either way, everything decomposes at some point and just becomes a part of this neverending big clump of shit we call "reality" that constantly shape shifts. Pretty nihilistic way of viewing things I would say. Deep down inside, thats how I am. Nope im not emotionless. I get extremely sad when someone I care about is gone, or dead, or hurt. "but why do you care if its all pointless!" some people might say... But ive seen people who think there is some grand purpose to life care way less than I do about their life.
Your family cries like they miss you but are thinking what they can get of yours. Then they go have a party with people they havnt seen in years and wont see again until the next family member dies.
I don't know. ...but hope something continues infinitely....energy does....continue forevermore, and I always found comfort in that..... After my mom, died, i kept looking for a sign or to feel her or something....nothing...I could not even feel her.......The night she died, I found out after, I had a dream....that I was buying a doll, and was told to buy the brother doll and to take care of it. I have a brother..so message to me in a dram to take care of my brother? Also, last month ...a number 9 showed up on my window...a perfect 9....and when I was a little girl...my mother made me sit at the kitchen table and write a number 9. I could not figure it out, and she got mad at me, as I could not even think to look at the kitchen clock and figure it out from there, and she and I only knew that story, so for a 9 appear here on my window.....hmmmmm.....coincidence or sign?
I've not been close to many humans in my life, let alone any family member. I know most people don't like comparing animals to people or an animal's life to a human's life, but the entity that I've been closest to in my life was my orange tabby cat. I knew him for 15 years. We were very close and his death hit me hard. He has appeared in my dreams several times. So yes, I believe deceased loved ones do appear in our dreams to comfort us and send us messages. The message he gave me was "time and space can't separate us."
The night my calico cat died e walked to tshhe foot of my bed and gave me the strangest look. I just laughed at her, because it was like, what is she staring at? Eventually she went to sleep and was having this wild dream, apparently, where she was running after something. She was kicking her legs like crazy. When I woke up in the morning she was in that same position, like she was running, but dead. I don't know if this is a story of hope or some crazy story about a cat, but her attitude towards death has always comforted me. I just wish I had been more reciprocal when she was staring at me so oddly.
Here, I took a photo of it. It appeared on New Year's Eve, of all times...Now my cats do jump up on all of the windowsills and their drool could have made this, too....but nothing perfect like this was ever made by them before.....and it is still on the window. I am not cleaning it off. Also, I went to visit my mom the day before she died. She was 140 miles away from me, so it was always a long trip for me ....but I yelled at her that day, as I lost it with her. and she looked like a little girl ready to cry after I yelled, so i stopped and was lovely to her the rest of the visit. I had no idea she was going to die. She told me that day she was gong to have a stroke....Turns out she died the day after my visit....I could not get hold of her by phone. She lived alone, so i called the cops in her town and told them to go check on her. They found her dead on the couch where she slept.... Anyway, you have no idea what sadness I live with for yelling at her that last day I saw her...
the 9 is definitely interesting... if I were you, I'd probably post about it in the psychic section, maybe someone can help you out there http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/forumdisplay.php?f=49
You can't beat yourself up over this. Look at it this way....at least you realized what you were doing and in that moment when you had a choice to continue or choose kindness....you chose kindness....in the moment that would become your last chance to make that decision. You made the right choice and you show cherish that feeling instead.
Why not just consider it a life lesson to teach you something worthwhile about anger? I'm sure if your mom is out there somewhere she wants you to learn from your mistakes. It's not like she died and became less enlightened. If anything she would see life a little differently and look upon you with a positive attitude.
Yes, true....but...her last day alive to get yelled at? Anyway, I do not have anger issues. I am a slow boil to the point of do I even have a pulse?....lol.... Alot of history involved for me to have lost it that day, as well, which I won't go into. Also, I was brought up in a house, where people were constantly yelling at each other and was encouraged to show my anger...Many years, I was just quiet and hurt...Have not learned to express anger really until the last few years.....Look at it this way....dogs bark....whine...snuggle all.... of it...Anger is not necessarily a bad thing, either. it clears the air and allows the love to be felt...as long as no one really hurts someone else with their anger.