The magic mushroom universe game

Hi,
This is a thread about the universe.
Its written by a transvestite who gained enlightenment using magic mushrooms, what seems like a long time ago.
I'm writting it because I was suicidal before, and this is how I stopped from killing myself.
I hope that what I write will help anyone that is suicidal from killing themselves and give them hope that there is something to carry on for.
I'm not a good writer and find it hard to express myself so if you could forgive me any nararative faults, I'll try to keep my story as concise as I can.
I'll do it in posts so I don't clog this board up., but it might take some time as I'm not sure what to say.
Thanks for reading and even if you don't think it's applicable to you, I'm sure you'll find some parts usefull.

 

I don't quite know where to begin? My life, or that of the universe's.
In a way bothe are the same.
I can say a bit more about myself. As I've said I'm a tranny.
When did that begin, maybe 4 or 5 years old when I first crossdressed.
What was I before male/female something that did'nt know what sexuality was.
Either way fom being a boy before I crossdressed, I became a girl,
not just materialy but mentally completely femail. At that age I did'nt know what femail genitalia where. The deeper into the crossdress I got the more femail I became.
It was intensely spiritual, those early occasions shape my entire person.
I'm a boy that becomes a girl.
It's one hell of a leap, its magical and spiritual but when your caught and disciplined it becomes a thing of shame, and when you grow upto be a young man, it becomes the biggest head fuck known.
Why? It was always WHY, and in a world where its unacceptable, self hatred and self cutting became my life.
release from the head fuck.
Suicide was a contant option.


will post more in a bit

 

Alcohol and marajahna seemed a normal part of teenage years, and with autumn came the occasional magic mushroom use, only 3 or 4 times a year.
I think the first couple were just funny in a get high have a laugh way.
But then something started to scare me inside them, I couldn't put my finger on what it was at the time, but I do remember after the trip was over I felt I'd gained something that would justify trying to live and not my suicidal thoughts.
Though I began beginning to hate being inside a trip, coming out, there was a calmness and a purity in thought.
I think by the next years crop, I'd forgotten the thing that inside the trip would make me scared, so I'd take again, then it would be, oh shit I'm back there again.

 

So what was I seeing?
Well I suppose we have to look at what mushrooms do, and what they do depends on what a person is prepared to let them do. (it bothered me that people didn't see what I was seeing. Trips depend on a persons ability to control what is directly presented to the senses and the ability to control what the imagination is trying to create). It's all about control.

Mushrooms strip away Time.

They also strip away a persons personality.

Used correctly they start to show what lies inside.

Inside a trip Time doesn't have much meaning. The clock that counts the time may read 5 hours, but the time inside a trip almost seems outside time.
I think the realisation of existing in normal time and a sort of "NO TIME" is one of the profound things of the trip experience.
At the same time as experiencing this no time effect a persons personality experiences a small stripping back, it's almost like when the personality was being formed around a new born baby, but in reverse.
So if these things weren't scary enough, the feeling whilst in the trip began to form that this is a game I always play.
I'd been here before.
I wouldn't see it outside the trip, the normal world remained the same.
but when in a trip I began to refer to it as the "OH NO NOT THIS AGAIN GAME."
And that's what the universe seemed to be doing, repeating itself, It all seemed to be repetition.
I was so scared of this universe of repetition I vowed never to take magic mushrooms again



post more in a while

 

but my world was one of being a transvestite, the constant change from male to female.
my social skills weren't that great, and when love hurts when it breaks down.
I was seriously going to kill myself, the pain was unbearable. My head was fucked up.
So I ended up taking mushrooms again and this is what happened.

I guess I'm a spiritual person anyway but coming up that evening was special, I was watching the clouds morph into an image of god, that was powerful, I know it was an hallucination but also represented something deep.
Anyway still coming up in the local pub, it was heaving, time was doing its funny thing, senses were heightened and my female side was going into overdrive. waves of femininity were sweeping over and engulfing me. I had to get out of there.
There's a steep hill behind my town and on that walk things started to happen.

That walk in no time and the logical conclusion of being able to exist in both gave me my first satori. It's really hard to explain, it's like a glimpse of what is behind the skin of matter it's like a brief flash of what's inside.

 

I was deep in the repetition game sounds and light seemed almost predictable, senses were super senses.
I was being engulfed by waves of love, my usual feminine state was multiplied beyond imagining.
When I reached the top of the hill, I seemed to be in a place I'd been an infinite amount of times before.
But I still didn't know what to do.
The fear had gone and I was in a safe place, the peak of the trip was subsiding, there was a calmness.
I began to figure out that my mind was a mirror reflecting the outside world, it was becoming still and clear.
I made some kind of leap in my thought that not just the outside world was a reflection in my mind, but also my own material self was a reflection inside my mind, and once you can gain a realisation that mind is weightless the possibility of merging becomes a force of logic.
There is a feeling of being a part of and not something separate from the perceived world.

 

How did I gain enlightenment.
How did I find and enter the gateless gate
seems an odd thing to say to sit down to gain the answer to the universe and to say you are the gateless gate, but that's what you need to do.
To merge you have to be perfectly still.
Mentally figuring it out won't work it's a question of feeling yourself as love.
Mine was an enlightenment where I gained entry by making love to the universe,.
My female spiritual self joining with the pureness that is Nirvana.
You need to find what lies within yourself and that's done with purity of thought, cleaning the mirror.
Clear your thoughts, if you can see clearly your mind will purify.
That's when you can enter that which is beyond description. (absolute love , absolute purity. absolute emptiness/nothingness. that which lies behind everything).
You join what is known as Nirvana, it is so pure it is empty, you become Nirvana, (it is what exists forever without existing).
As a person it's the first time you'll do it, as the universe you'll have done it an infinite amount of times.

 

Re-entering the material world after experiencing Nirvana the mind forms out of the entire universe back to being in a person again.
In this initial second this is Buddha.
This is what we all are.
Because I used mushrooms to gain enlightenment the formation of the personality forms quicker than if done without. My enlightenment is like an echo now, but these are some of my basic thoughts.
I saw no god or anything capable of thought inside Nirvana.
The universe just recreates itself.
It is new every time, the last second contains the whole history of the universe.
It feels like repetition but the real miracle is that it's new every time.
Time is like a wave and life exists inside the wave.
In it's essence and entirety the universe is love, both in Nirvana and the material universe, (there is no distinction between the two).
Beings are created anew each time, from the purity, in death they return to this purity. (Imagine a bottle being filled from an ocean of pure love as a person it would be cloudy, the person would need to return to the pure ness, this would be enlightenment).
There is no soul substance all is purity and beyond soul substance.
There is no rebirth, a being only has one life each one of us is this pureness, and in this sense is the universe.


post some more later, ta

 

I havent the foggiest idea what the hell you are talking about. i think you maybe have smoked yourself retarded.

 

The universals are always the same.
creation/evolution, always follow the same rule and laws.
from war and peace.
victim and perpetrator.
every possible life circumstance is played out by the universe for the whole of eternity.
multiply everything by infinity.
we as the universe are the one's who are playing it.
it's brand new every time so we can decide which direction we want to go, (we can make a better world, its our choice).
I think, we all (if there is a purpose to life) need to gain enlightenmant, that is life's goal.
There is no death in entering nirvana, it is simply you as the universe seeing itself.
It has to work like this and always does.
So in a sense this is a game.
It is there to be figured out
Everlasting, eternal, repeating.
your a new lifeform everytime, created from the purity at the centre.
Once you have touched the love that pervades the universe (nirvana) you will know that you are eveything that exists for eternity, If we can all do this, peace will envelope our world.


well thanks for listening anyway, and hope it helps in some small way., the most important thing is to remember that love is at the centre of the universe and what you need to do is to try and let that in.

 

sorry you don't undersand what I've tried to say Grainpsilo,


I am a realy simple person, my level is weeding peoples gardens and doing odd jobs. but Im ok with that, there is no shame in being simple.
whats important is gaining enlightenment and the odd thing is about that, is that, thats simplicity itself, but when a simpleton has to describe how to do it. it becomes a little more complex.

I really really do wish someone else would try to describe how to gain enlightenment with magic mushrooms it's been over twenty years since my nirvana, but I'm still waiting.

I tried once before to describe how to do it and was equally incomprehencable then.


being suicidal before my enlightenment and still seeing people killing themselves and knowing that pain and knowing I could help in some small way, don't think that does'nt weigh heavy on me.

If you'd like me to try to describe any further I could try.
But please remember ive got the linguistic comunication abilities of a simpleton

oh am slightly peeved at the way you pointed it out.

 

okay.. i dont get it.. how do you play this game..

sorry.. didnt read all the posts.. can u summarize it in like.. one line. lol

 

So shrooms made you feel ok about dressing like a woman?

Cause that is about all I got out of the long drawn out garble of words.

 

hi, i was in sroom land
re: how do I get to play



well, technically speakin the universe has always existed.
so technically speakin the game has already existed.
so technically speakin; as the universe, you've always been playin.
but technically speakin, your a new life form, so it started for you at the moment of conception.
so, carry on, as you were, no pause button here.

 

I think the following is appropriate, especially #8;
From Top Ten Things To Remember...

 

Garbled yes,

thanks for your honest opinion.
honesty is appreciated.
I wish I could make it clearer, spose its a difficult subject to put into word.
I accept my ineptitude.
If it only comes accross as making me feel ok about dressing like a women, then I supose I failed miserably.
Its supposed to be an answer as to "why" crossdress.
was also supposed to speak to anyone and everyone.
What is said about the ancient mirror applies to everyone.
seeing the mirror is a fundamental part of gaining enlightenment.


As a whole it was supposed to be an explanation of how magic mushrooms are a key to unlocking a door to enlightenment and realising that the universe is a game that repeats itself through eternity; type of thread.


The fact that my route was the radha game (female union with nirvana) was an explanation of how I achieved "it" (nirvana).
I did hope that it would give those that are suicidal an insight to the fact, that there is a bigger game behind what is generally percieved to be "life on earth" and that this is achievable through careful magic mushroom use.

I hope I'd put across that the game is where we ultimataly go round and round in circles (in continuous creation) gaining enlightenment. Which is union with the universe through love, mixing your mind/matter/love essence with the immaculacy that is nirvana.

and that when you achieve the experience that is nirvana you will know that you always have been and always will be the universe, because that is the way it works.

Thanks anyway.

I suppose its no clearer now, it was worth trying though.

just so theres no doubt, what I'm goin on about;
its a meeting of love with love, and that's what is at the heart of nirvana and the essence of gaining enlightenment.

 

sorry.. didnt read all the posts.. can u summarize it in like.. one line. [/QUOTE]







WELCOME BACK

 

It was nothing new, long and garbled, but some people need a garble.. I'd count myself as one of those people. I just garble at my dog. LOL, he's a great listener

Nice one dude, your story perked me up this grey and slightly hungover morn :sunny:

 

[QUOTE=MeatyMushroom;7698971

It was nothing new




Before I gained enlightenment, I kind of got an awareness that "it" was possible through a handful of books, I didn't understand Buddhism but it gives you a knowledge that you can somehow merge.

After my enlightenment I read to try to put into context my own interpretation.
so yeh, what I've said is nothing new, you can find different bits of it scattered hither and thither.

But damn and fuck and fuckidy damn, damn fuckidy, I've never found another transvestite Buddha who rambles on about how to gain Nirvana with Magic Mushrooms.

I've been guilt trippin meself for twenty years cause I can't communicate this stuff, well fuck me, where are these transvestite buddhas, Ive never found another.

Please, I'd be most greatful if you could provide links, so I can see how to do it properly and not make a tit out of myself.

come to that who else (non tranny) is telling people how to play the eternal game by using Magic Mushrooms to gain enlightenment. I can't find any other fool.

Sorry if there is someone in these forums doing that, Ive only just found this site.

please provide links.


anyways, glad I cheered your morning up, thats something I guess.

 

Well, actually my friend's dad's a buddhist transvestite. Incredible artist, and a funky as hell DJ. Other than that I have no idea. I'd hazard a guess at Eddie Izzard too, judging by his jokes. He's got a great view of the world

But yeah, nobody needs telling, cos that's essentially preaching. Most people don't appreciate it, cos as on #9 of Nox's post, these things are completely ineffable. You stand more chance of getting locked up than helping anyone, unfortunately