i still have yet to read this over.. but when i get homework and i somehow end up on HF instead.. i'll refer to this post. lol 1. Are you procrastinating? Yes, go to 2., no go to 3. 2. Well, why else would you be here? Ok so you have an assignment due. Are you at home right now (4), at school (5), at a restaurant (6), in the car (7), or somewhere else (46)? 3. Well, good for you. I bet your mother calls you her little angel. Get off of this thing, people who don’t have problems shouldn’t be here, it’s like A.A. 4. Ok. You’re at home. So, what’s your assignment like? Is it on the computer (40), or is it written (41)? 5. Ok. You’re at school. So, what’s your assignment like? Is it on the computer (42), or is it written (43)? 6. Ok. You’re in a restaurant. Geez, why are you at a restaurant? If you’re in Starbucks or by yourself at an informal place, go to 8. If you’re with family, or you are managing to afford a 32 dollar steak, the go to 9. 7. So, you’re in the car. I’m praying to god you aren’t driving. If you are, then turn this off. If you’re a passenger, then good for you. Is it a long (10) or a short (11) trip? 8. Ok, good. Does the place have WiFi? If yes, go to 12, if no, go to 13. 9. Stop. Immediately. You have an excuse to do this at home, you don’t have an excuse to be rude. Revert to #4. 10. So, it’s a long trip. You have time to work. Does your laptop have 3G or do you not have WiFi right now? (Note: if you don’t need the internet to research your assignment, then this doesn’t apply, go directly to 14.) If you have 3G go to 14. If you’re internetless, go to 15. 11. Since it’s a short trip you don’t have time to do your assignment. Wait until you get home. I hope you prefer grandma’s road trip CD over homework. Revert to #4. 12. Ok, you’re ready to do your assignment. But have you eaten your food already? (if you’re in Starbucks, where you’re free to linger after you’re done, then go directly to 16.) If you have not, then go to 16. If you have already, then go to 17. 13. So, you don’t have WiFi. Does this assignment need internet to do research and or collaborate with a partner? If yes, go to 18. If not, go to 19. 14. Ok, so you have WiFi in the car. Do you have any distracting things on your browser, like YouTube as your start page, or yahoo headlines? If yes, go to 20. If not, go to 21. 15. Since you don’t have internet to do your assignment. Wait until you get home. I hope you prefer grandma’s road trip CD over homework. Revert to #4. 16. Well, good. Since you require internet, don’t let the distractions stop you from doing a good job. REMEMBER- no porno in starbucks. If you are going to get distracted, then go to 22. If not, go to 23. 17. Well, then get out of there. Do it at home. Way to eat yourself out of a bad situation. Revert to #4. 18. So, you have nothing to do but make a draft by yourself. Go home for WiFi, revert to #4. 19. CONGRATULATIONS! BEGIN YOUR WORK! As for everyone else… you’ll see. 20. Sucks for you. Close them. Block them. Do whatever you can not to get distracted. If you have to watch a video or browse the web endlessly, go to 24. If you have a smidgen of self-control, go to 25. 21. Great! You can now begin your work. God help you. 22. Well, way to go. You have now wasted your time perusing the web, and or gotten yourself kicked out of Starbucks. If you’ll never have a double chocolate mocha latte with a seven dollar price tag again, go to 26. If you are still there, but still not doing your work, go to 27. 23. So, your not distracted. Good job. BEGIN WORKING. 24. Well, welcome to the world of millions of people. Sucked into the internet like a big vacuum that sucks up cluttered minds, not cluttered floors. If you feel you give up, see 28. If you want to wait until you get home, revert to #4, if you try to stop watching, go to 29. 25. Good for you. I hope you don’t get nauseous in the car. Begin your work! (4th Place!) 26. Well, you got kicked out of Starbucks for watching something not ok for children, or you just have been there to a point where even the aspiring writers are like “dude what is he doing here? He’s like totally cramping my flow.” Revert to #4, go home, buddy. 27. Well, if you choose to do your work at home instead, revert to #4, but if you keep trying, go to 30. 28. Well, you fail. The guide has given you up. You are a worthless piece of crap. TRY AGAIN? 29. Good for you, You kept going. Never give up! You have now stopped watching videos. If you get Nauseous in the car, go to 31. If you are good to go, go to 32. 30. Ok. You’re still at Starbucks or such, and you try to begin your work. The internet is not the only thing that can distract you. How many people are there in the restaurant? If there are 0-5, go to 33. If there are 6-10, go to 34. If there are 11+, go to 35. 31. Well, ironically you can’t work on a full stomach, so wait until you get home. Revert to #4. 32. GREAT JOB- BEGIN YOUR WORK! An iron stomach is a good thing to have. 33. GREAT JOB-BEGIN YOUR WORK! Little people means little distraction. But if by little people you mean midgets, than it would be pretty hard to focus. They’re pretty cool. 34. Alright. You’re stuck in the middle. If you decide to give up go to 36. If you think you can do it, go to 37. 35. Do you have ADHD, and or are you distracted? If so, go to 38. If not, go to 39. 36. Well, you gave up. Therefore I give you up. You are a disappointment. TRY AGAIN? 37. You end up pulling it off. BEGIN YOUR WORK! 38. Well, you got too distracted to handle it. You end up procrastinating until the last minute, and get a bad grade. YOU FAIL. TRY AGAIN? 39. Congrats, in the end you managed to control yourself, and do well. BEGIN YOUR WORK! 40. So, you’re at home and your assignment is on the computer. You’ve got the world by the balls, buddy. There is one question I have to ask you though. Do you need the internet for this project? If yes, go to 44, if not, go to 45. 41. You are set. No distractions at all. No videogames, no web browser. Just you and your trusty pen. This is the best possible situation. Now all you have to worry about is ACTUALLY WRITING IT! BEGIN YOUR WORK! 42. So, you’re at school and your assignment is on the computer. Oh the computer. It’ll be a long road for you, and the first step is… GOING TO #4! This path was the quickest way back to the beginning. Unless, you have a computer in school, if so, go to number 44. 43. So it’s a written assignment. Are you in or are going to have study hall/ a free period? If so, and you have time to do it in that 41 minutes or so, go to number 45. If you don’t, revert to #4 by waiting until you get home to do it. 44. So. You have a computer in school with you. Since you can’t do anything stupid on the computer in school, it’s pretty much a writing assignment, so revert to #43. You’re pretty much good unless you have had study hall already. 45. Congrats! That was quick. BEGIN YOUR WORK! Also don’t forget to try the million other possibilities. 46. Well then, I couldn’t care less about how you are procrastinating.
41. You are set. No distractions at all. No videogames, no web browser. Just you and your trusty pen. This is the best possible situation. Now all you have to worry about is ACTUALLY WRITING IT! BEGIN YOUR WORK! not so easy...
