adults 40+ please read

I’ve posted a few times about the progress of my transition, and basically, I’ve decided to leave everything behind, pack my bags and move to the west coast. I don’t necessarily have a “reason” why I want to go there, I just feel like it’s where my heart is telling me I belong.

My dilemma is this: my family doesn’t really support me. They want me to finish college here (in ohio) and stick around with my family. But I absolutely can’t stand it here. They often bring up the few years my grandparents have left and how it’ll be a struggle once I’m all the way out in California with no real resources. The more I talk to them about it the more guilt I feel. And I don’t like feeling guilty.
My life has been plush thus far to say the least. I’ve never had a real job or any bills to pay, but I earned myself a scholarship to college and it was there that I decided all of this. Both of my parents are and always have been, financially stable. But I want to get away from a life where everything revolves around money. You know.. “go to college, so you can get a good job etc”. I don’t like the values that I’ve been raised around, and I want to get into a lifestyle that is more based on spiritual happiness than financial happiness and I just think that it’d be 10x harder if I were to stay here, constantly stressed about what other people want me to do with my life..

Im fairly young, 20 years old, and I have good work habits. I feel like this is the right thing for me. To be honest, I’m very curious when it comes to drugs, and I know that they would be very disappointed if I were open about that to them. I think that by getting away I wont have to worry so much about what people think of me, thus allowing myself the space I need to grow.

Through your personal experiences, do you think that by leaving this will be something that I will regret? Have you ever been in a similar situation? In advice you have will be helpful.. I just need some advice from someone other than my relatives and close friends. Thanks in advance.

 

You are equal to any virtue you assign yourself.
You will never succeed in fulfilling the ideal of virtue someone else assigns to you, nor is it your job that you do so.

 

So you are willing to give up your scholarship to college just because you can't stand where you live? I would have given my left tit to be smart enough to earn a scholarship and not have to dish out the $. I grew up a closet lesbian in a small hick town, I know what miserable feels like. I moved out as soon as I graduated high school to go live in the "big city" on my own. I moved back into my parents house after a year of starving and struggling on the streets alone. I came back depressed and with a drug habit.

Are you ready for ^that? Whatever you decide just keep ^ that in mind, and stay away from meth, crack and heroin (which I'm sure you already know) that shit will rape you of life!

I know I'm not over 40, but I just wanted to share my experience with you. I wish you luck and happiness in whatever you do.

 

When I was your age, I made some life changes that meant that I finished college at a different place than where I started. I paid my own way for that last bit of coursework.
It worked out okay.

I moved more than 1000 miles from family and older relatives.
I missed them a lot, but I also made friends at the new place and I saw things that I never could have dreamed of in my little suburban world back home. It worked out okay for me.
You might want to check out communes, youth hostels, social service groups, spiritual study groups, environmental groups, hiking clubs as a way of meeting people, getting a place to stay, exploring new ideas, finding direction.

There is Skype, email and phone for staying in touch. Old folks love getting pen and paper letters, so be sure to do that too. And you probably should go visit once a year to spend a few days with people you love, but need a little space from.
That will work out!

If you don't have any bills or debt and you have a few bucks to live on until you find work, it is a risk, but other people have done it too. Finding someone to hire a person with zero experience will be harder than for those having experience, but take inventory of what you already know how to do even if it is unpaid experience and put it on your resume or at least on an application.

It is not my place to tell you to never try drugs, but if you get accepted for job interviews, the next step might be pissing in a jar for a pre-employment drug screen.
Maybe the chemistry experiments need to wait a while.

I would like to suggest seeking as many natural highs as possible. Yoga, meditation, wilderness adventure, can all be incredible life-changing experiences. If love happens when you are out there, it will surely rock your world like nothing else, but it tends to happen when you least expect it, as you are just doing your thing and you meet someone else doing her thing.

I am glad that you don't want to become another cog in the wheel of THE MACHINE. There's a better life waiting for those who don't go that path.

But life is rarely all or nothing. You can have your own life and stay connected with family on your own terms. You get to make a few mistakes and bounce back from it.
Try it!

 

I agree that giving up a scholarship is not to be done without careful thought. The next question would be giving up on college type learning entirely or transferring credits and finishing somewhere else.
There is grant money for someone with good grades and talent and financial need. I did have an issue with being declared a financial dependent of my parents for that first year. After that, my financial need was easier to prove.

In general, having a college degree looks good on a resume, so it depends on how close he is to finishing or if he has abandoned that degree/career path as to the wisdom of staying.

If he is a talented musician (and people are willing to pay to hear him) just as a for-instance, and he totally despises the political science program he was in, I can see that finishing the degree may not be a high priority.

Living on the streets is NOT what I recommend. I think most people don't set out to be young and homeless in a big west coast city, but those who slide into heavy drug use often drift there, don't they? I always found people to stay with or groups that offered affordable places to stay.
Just for the record, I got my kicks without drugs. As for my druggie friends, none of them are still heavy users or even users. They found things they wanted to accomplish, found people to love, and there was no longer room in their lives for being buzzed out all the time.

Trying something one time for the "spiritual experience"? hmmm....
Again, I won't say what you shouldn't do, but can only suggest seeing how much natural high you can find first.
Just a few thoughts for what it is worth...

 

Well for what its worth, if I was in your shoes I would think long and hard before throwing your scholarship out the window. If you have a chance at a free education grab it, very unlikely you will have another. It does not sound to me like your situation is completely unbearable, more like a case of wanderlust, I know it well. Maybe take the summer off and hit the road for a month or two to see if it suits you, you may find that home is not as bad as you thought.

 

The dream will always be there... The scholarship and especially your Grandparents will not.

 

i appreciate you all for your input. As for the scholarship, i should clarify one thing, it was an athletic scholarship for football in which i no longer have a passion for. over the years it has taken a toll on my body and left me with pains that i very well may have to deal with for the rest of my life. As for living on the streets, that isn't exactly how i plan on going about my transition. I'm working now, and will continue to work here at home for the next 4 months, saving all of my money minus the necessities. when i get there, i will most likely rent a room from someone or share rent with another like-minded individual.
i'll have enough money by then to last me at least 3 months until i am able to find a job and get myself together.

i also do partake in non-drug related highs, i do meditate, yoga when i have time, and as for the wilderness/hiking, i can't wait, i just think it's going to be a more enjoyable experience when I'm with other people who enjoy such things.. i haven't found any of those people here. the whole drug thing, it doesn't play a major role in my life it's just something i want to use as a learning tool.

hopefully this can better your understanding of my situation. thanks again

 

The average job hunt time in California is 2 years. I know this from experience. I'd suggest finishing school there and come out here for graduate school.

Stay Brown,
Rev J

 

I would suggest in general having a skill of some sort before moving. This doesn't mean you have to go to college exactly, but to have some kind of degree/license/whatever can greatly benefit.

 

Yes, jobs are hard to come by in Ca. right now.
So you think you can save up enough to live 3 months without any problems? Well if you're aiming towards Southern Ca., just know that an average 1 bedroom apt. can be $1500-$2000 a month, unless you want to live in some not-very-nice areas.

Honestly, why would you want to move somewhere that is one of the most expensive places to live?

I'm 50 an I sure wish I would have been able to finish college, I would not be unemployed now if I had made the right choices then.
And don't listen to the bullshit about "being another cog in the machine" what crap!!
If you want to have the luxury of being able to do what you want to do later in life then you need to think in terms of securing your future now. That means a good education, a good career path, etc., etc.
That way by the time you reach 40 you will hopefully secured yourself financially enough to then be able to spend your time as you like rather than worrying about if you can pay your bills or put food on the table.
Sad to say but currently this world is based on and revolves around financial shit and the almighty dollar.

The smart thing to do is to play the game, not get played by it.
Playing the game to secure your financial future isn't "giving in to the man" or any other such nonsense, it's being wiser than the game and making it work on your behalf.

You are young and your current situation may seem insurmountable to you, but everything does at your age. You have many years ahead of you. Wish the hell I had seen that reality clearly when I was 20.
Suck it up now so you don't have to later.
I speak from experience as I wonder how the fuck I'm going to pay next month's rent and the bills. Don't make the same mistakes that I did at your age, because it just makes your life much harder.

Consider some people who did "play the game" while young but now are retiring at 40-45 and spending their time the way they want, not the way they have to.

You are already exhibiting wisdom in seeking council from those older than you here, rather than just jumping on some bandwagon because it suits your emotional state at the moment.:2thumbsup:

 

Thanks a lot! I see exactly where you're coming from and I do feel this way to a certain extent. I'm definitely going to finish college but at this time in my life I just feel like I'm very young & confused. By that I mean i have no idea what career path I want to take and with this time away from school, hopefully I'll be able to get a better vision & understanding of what it is I want to do with my life. I don't want to rush myself into getting a degree in a field that may not interest me when I have a home & family of my own

Would you say it's the same way in northern Cali (Eureka) because that's my primary destination of interest

 

Glad this old fart could help.
As far as Northern Ca. is concerned, Rev JC may be better able to shed some light on that.
Rev you still here?

 

I've been over 40 for 26 years. Heres a bit of what I think I'm hearing in your request. The growing up in comfort and security while knowing that millions of good kids and adults suffer and struggle daily can lead to a kind of guilt feeling. Yes thats completely illogical but it happens. You sound curious, can you survive as these others people must. Will it overwhelm you, restrict you, limit you? Is there a freedom to be felt living leaner? Maybe I'm guessing wrong, I am after all projecting a bit here.

Heres my thought. Find a way to get away from family as a volunteer with some meaningful organization. If religion works for you there are a lot of religious/church groups that are involved in providing useful, empowering help all over the world. Some provide education, some work on clean water/sewage projects, some do agricultural assistance. I have always leaned toward medical work that provides education. There are even more NGO's that are secular.

For close to 20 years I have been going to Peru working with western doctors and Shamans in conjunction to help remote villagers to maintain and improve health. I have never been remotely wealthy, more lower middle class. I never realized just how luxurious my life till my first trip to a village 120 miles from anything.

My 30 some trips to Peru have broadened my education, self perspective and feeling of personal worth. This group "Amazon Promise", is only one of who knows how many NGO's organizations that exist. You could spend your summer doing real good for others while do great good for you. Your parents could probably accept their son being gone for a few months like this and you can get a taste of another reality.

Just a thought and good for you for trying to grow outside of your comfort zone. That says a lot of good about you.

 

If weed is in the equation do not leave! I got into it half way through my degree and immediately thought i should defer and go bush. It's the demotivation of the drugs that are dictating the path if that is your reality. Personally i would go with the schol' ship. You can go live the dream post study. If the family is doing your head in, move in with friends. That may be what is required. Good luck.

 

Stay & get your free schooling OR see if it'll transfer to another school

 

Tis Like A Ray Of Sunshine To Read Such Wise Words From One So Young....



Cheers Glen.

 

an education never hurt anyone.