Partner Swapping Arrangements

KarrenJ and MellowDonna you women are the best! Your posts are informative as well as exciting. I am 31 and my wife is 29, married for 5, we are proud parents of 4 we have been talking about the swing thing for the last year or so. It was my idea. I come from a pretty laid back family as far as sex goes I've had many many sexual partners, my wife on the other hand has had three including me and comes from a christian religious back ground and i am the only one who has given her an orgasm. She says she would "try" it starting with us going to a swingers club and maybe doing each other in front of an "audience" and maybe on to other things. The thing that bothers me is that she doesn't share this fantasy with me as far as "playing with other couples" and she insists that if she would only do it for my sake. When she said that it made me feel bad that she doesn't have fantasy's that include anyone other than me and she suffers from jealousy. I have always wanted to see two women together and to have group sex but I have never had a woman I felt I could trust and wouldn't betray me (cheat) until being married to my wife. Basically she wants me all to herself, has no interest in other men or women but I on the other hand would like to "sexplore" with her. Is there any way to help her see the obvious benefits of having sex with other like minded people? I respect her feelings and wouldnt cheat on her but I would like for us to be able to share without regrets, kinda like a bucket list of mine.

 

Damn, that's a tough one. Given her background, she may not be ready for this anytime soon, if ever. Some people are just stuck in monogamy mode for life. And that's fine, if that's what they really want to do, and their sexual needs are being met. Unless you talked about it before you got married, she doesn't owe you anything more than ordinary monogamy.

I can't add much to her idea of starting out with watching other couples and have them watch you. Being a non-contact activity, it's totally safe. But it still might take several times for her to get comfortable with going that far. You shouldn't even talk about taking another step until she has been able to have a quality orgasm in front of other people.

If you never progress beyond that point, just think what a huge accomplishment that is for someone who grew up in a culture of sexual repression! That's an expression of uninhibited love and sexual self-confidence that you can both be proud of. Trust me, if a church girl is willing to get naked and let you fuck her brains out in front of strangers, she loves you a lot. Don't ever forget that.

Whatever you do, don't pressure her. Sex is supposed to always be fun, and it isn't fun to be pressured into doing things you don't want to do. It's the opposite of good sex.

 

Thank you so much KarenJ! Great advice, your awesome!

 

Great advice! My better half and I are still talking about this idea and we are both getting more open and direct about what we want! Its exciting to hear her want another man and especially another woman!

Since we are not quite ready to act upon this just yet, I'd like to share our fantasy.
One of our hot topics is the idea of the guys taking consecutive turns cumming inside of her until we are spent, then she can play with the other girl until we are ready to go again! The point being to tease the other girl as much as possible until they swap places. She is also turned on by the thought of grinding against the other woman when the guys are finished cumming inside either of them.

If this is ever going to happen I want to make sure we take things slowly with another couple that we trust. Still waiting for that couple to come along, much less have us ready for it. Out of sheer curiosity, has anyone ever had 3 coupes sharing together?

 

Thought I'd bump this tread back up. Any more advise or council out there?

 

I don't guess much has changed for the people around here who are into this activity.

One big thing has changed for me, but there are no plans or intentions to let it change what we do with the other couple, who we have swapped with twice since last fall. A little over a month ago, my longtime boyfriend and I got legally married. We did this not to change anything, but to keep everything the same.

Over the past two years, Republicans in the state where we live have been changing all kinds of laws and regulations, with the intention of making life miserable for homosexual couples. It doesn't bother them at all that their changes also make it quite difficult for unmarried straight couples to live together. I just got tired of fighting the system. The state legal changes had invalidated my living will, but now I don't have to worry about it.

Not long ago, I got to spend the night in the house that belongs to my other "husband", taking over his wife's kitchen for one evening. Sometime this summer, we want to try the opposite idea, with the guys switching houses while the girls stay home. But before that happens, I want at least one weekend where we are all together. Constantly changing things around keeps the relationship from getting boring. These plans will last us most of the summer, since we don't swap very often.

 

Though this has been covered in a good bit of detail, I'll give you a quick summary. This thread has become quite long, and I don't expect anybody to read all of it at one time, even though several people made quality contributions.

During my college years, my friends and I did a lot of bad-ass sexual things. We were young and stupid, and we were not facing the dire situation with STD's that is out there today. Then most of us scattered to the four winds, and mellowed out into more or less normal adult lifestyles. But then my old friend Amy (not her real name) reached a point when her girls no longer required so much attention and she had some free time, so she approached me with the idea of a little adventure after I told her I was in a stable, long-term relationship.

She and her husband had never been big fans of monogamy, and only switched over to it when they decided it was the right time for her to get pregnant. After the second girl was born, they had a big concern about incurable diseases. A closed relationship with one other couple seemed like a safe option, but it took a while for her to figure out which couple she wanted to approach about the idea.

I have to say, she and her husband are an unusual couple. A lot of people said behind their backs, "Well, I give that marriage about six months, at most." Years later, they are the happiest couple I know.

First of all, I know your intentions are friendly, but there is really nothing big to celebrate right now. We simply paid money to have a so-called authority figure tell us it was okay to keep doing what we have been doing for years, and sign a legal form. We are still going to celebrate our anniversary from the date we moved in together, not our wedding date.

Our 'special' weekends are like any nonessential luxury, like ice cream in the middle of the afternoon, or long weekends in the mountains or in New Orleans. They just make life a little more fun. I can live without any of that. I have lived without any of it.

But I have to admit, sometimes on these weekends I catch myself thinking, "I can't believe I'm getting by with this!" Yeah, it's a little juvenile. I know plenty of uptight control freak conservatives, and their heads would explode if they knew what I was up to.

I don't have to worry about the first part of the question, because I fucked him before his wife ever did. I was one of the ones who told her she was missing out on something good, but I never did think about dating him seriously, and he never asked me. I can't rule out the second part of your question, but I think she is smart enough to understand how all this works. It's an illusion that your 'alternate' partner is better in some ways, because you don't live with them. She has played this game before, so she knows. Also, you tend to look for different qualities in partners for weekend fun from what you want to live with every day for the rest of your life.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't do a lot with other women when I was younger, so that opportunity currently has a lot of novelty value for me right now. I get to do that whenever all four of us are together.

I've said it before and I'll surely say it again, this sort of thing isn't for everybody. I don't see a weak or troubled relationship being able to survive it.

It's probably a little safer to stick to events where all four people stay in the same room. Also, not getting together too often helps prevent things from getting out of control. We don't live in the same city, so we never run into them unless something is scheduled.

If the other two people moved a long distance away or changed their minds, I wouldn't be happy about it, but life would go on. It's like when your favorite TV show goes off the air. You aren't thrilled, but you find something else to do with the time.

When you have done as much crazy shit as I have over the years, I think it would be hard to reach a point where you say to yourself, "I'm never going to do anything wild or unconventional, ever again." Maybe when I'm 60...

 

Karen_J, What are your thoughts about frequency of such outings increasing? Think there would be a point where it'd mess with the long success?

 

I guess we could probably get together a little more in the summer, when the weather is nice, as long as we keep coming up with ideas for things to do that don't cost an arm and a leg. We're not 18 anymore, so we can't fuck all day and all night. We have to have some other activities, and there isn't a lot of winter stuff that I like to do.

I know you have read this whole thread, so you know that some groups see each other much more often than we do, without any problems. I guess everybody has to figure out their own comfort zone.

 

check out my post in 'kinky' section.. its at the top

 

For two women who are open to it, there is probably no greater bonding experience than sharing your hubbies. That was the focus of our last trip together. We slept four to a (king-sized) bed one night, and I held her hand while we were both getting pounded. I went to sleep with my hand in her crotch and her husband's dick in my ass crack. My man was behind her.

She later asked me if it would bother me if she started referring to me as her girlfriend. That's quite a milestone for someone who once said the thought of being with another girl was gross and disgusting. :cheers2:

This summer, she wants us to focus more on the emotional side of infidelity. I'm not exactly sure what she means by that, but it sounds interesting.

 

Thanks for the update Karen. Keep us posted on the details of the emotional side if you don't mind!

 

I agree it may not be for everyone, but I love reading your posts about this Karen. It is obvious the love and commitment that is there in your relationship. Bless You and like others have said, keep us posted

 

Of the craziness during your college years, karenj, were you ever loose with older men or just other college boys?

Do you find that the current arrangement has benefits/drawbacks as a kind of group of peers?
And if you played with older men while in college, did you know them or were they strangers?
I mean, wife swapping seems to have a safe, familial feeling. How would you compare it to being loose with someone outside your peer group, who you didn't know?

 

I didn't try older men until I was out of college. By then, I had dealt with enough male immaturity to last me a lifetime. I was ready for something completely different. During my college years, I didn't have a good way of meeting older guys. I was not close to a big city. We had to make our own fun, on campus.

This group of four has the highest maturity level of any group I've ever been sexually involved with. That's really nice. At the same time, we still remember how to cut loose and have fun, which is rare among middle-aged people. I can't think of any disadvantages.

There is definitely a bigger adrenaline rush that comes from fucking a stranger, but I'm no longer interested in pushing my luck to that extent. There are too many things that can go wrong, and I'm too aware of those things.

Most of my college hookups were somewhere between the two extremes. A lot of the guys at the on-campus weekend parties were regulars, so we got to know each other on a superficial level. I also had close friends at those events. We watched each other's backs, but we also competed with each other, socially.

 

Wow, this is an old thread but I read it on recommendation and what can I say? I'm glad I did. The world is open ended in infinite directions

 

In the past two years, nothing has really changed with our arrangement with the other couple, except that their girls are older. The older one is now living away from home, working full time. The younger one is mature enough and socially liberal enough to have her own fwb relationship going on, so she has been let in on the big secret. She doesn't have a problem with it, but agrees that it's for the best to say nothing to her sister, who would surely freak out.

One other minor change is that we have become increasingly aware of the risks and complications of living in a surveillance state, where it's so easy for transactions and movements to be tracked and shared between companies, and for employers to demand that their employees live conventional, noncontroversial lives. We talk a lot more now about which credit cards are going to be used in various locations (or cash), which phones are going to be carried, etc. This isn't an issue when all four of us get together, but when we swap partners and go in different directions as couples, we don't want to leave obvious electronic records of what we're doing.

I wonder how the other people who posted about their arrangements in this thread are getting along. I haven't read any fresh updates from anyone except Donna.

 

This thread was a good read :reddevil:. Karen, your sexual ventures never cease to entertain and tantalize!

 

The older girl is much less open than the younger one? That's interesting. How would you handle to this sort of revelation from your parents? I'm trying to picture my own reaction. It's tough. I imagine I would be shocked but accepting!

Edit: Why would the older girl freak out? I'm thinking: what is there to freak out about? Her friends would never find out, it doesn't hurt/effect her at all. Where is the material for opposition?

 

I honestly can't imagine it! I just tried staring into space, trying to visualize some sort of fictional scenario where they had that conversation with me, and I couldn't do it. Neither could I imagine openly having a casual fwb relationship while I was still living in their house. Clearly, that parent-child relationship is light years beyond anything I personally experienced, in terms of its openness and tolerance. The world has changed a lot.

The family regularly attended a very liberal church when the girls were very young. As they got older and the girls started to think for themselves more, the older one's religious views became somewhat more conservative. She's now one of those Christians who thinks anything other than strict monogamy makes you a bad person. She and her parents have had several disagreements about them not being conservative enough.

At some point, you have to respect your kids' rights to form their own views, but no mother wants to sit through a lecture from her daughter on how to be a better person. Once you've changed someone's nasty diaper a few hundred times, taught them how to tie their shoes...