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Sexual inexperience: who else feels it's a turn off?


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#1 Cherea

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Posted February 04 2011 - 07:20 AM

For as long as I can remember, I despised virgins. I lost my virginity to a woman 4 years older than myself (not a virgin), and have since been primarily with women who were older and more experienced than myself. Throughout my 20s, I've always sought sexually experienced partners and avoided "innocent" or prudish people.

Now that I am turning 34, my options appear to be shrinking fast. I am still very sexually active, fit, and single; but, with each sexual experience it seems like I become a part of a more and more select group of sexually experienced people. And with each sexual experience, it becomes more difficult for me to be attracted to average girls, even if they look astounding. I think to myself, "What can someone who's only had a couple boyfriends or who is sexually inhibited offer me in bed?" :biggrin:

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I know there are guys out there who love that. I've been told by some guys that they feel more like "a man" when they teach innocent young girls the tricks of the trade; and that's why they have a real hard-on for young chicks. Not to mention the fact that they can "claim" to be someone's first.

And now it feels that I'm starting to reverse my earlier leanings, and began having real poignant (possibly long repressed?) fantasies about younger women. Not pedophilic fantasies or anything (at least, not yet ;)). But I think it is happening as a way to counteract the fact that I am feeling more and more sequestered into an ivory tower of people who have had a significant amount of partners, have taken significant risks to get out of their comfort zones, and aren't in any way sexually inhibited.

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If you think of yourself as sexually experienced or if you're getting up there in age... Are you turned off by sexual inexperience? How does that affect your relationship with women in general? Do you feel more limited in your choice of partners? Do you fantasize about younger girls? Why?

Thanks. :D

#2 lynzxx

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Posted February 04 2011 - 07:35 AM

im 19..i like older men.. my boyfriend is only 2 years older :/ but i generally am attracted to older men...

i'd rather they know what theyre doin tho.. he was more experienced than me when we got together. i like a man who knows what hes doin. raawwrr haha..

i would hate to be the one teaching someone...

looks like i am you, when you were my age :)

EDIT: i know your lookin for male answers :p but i just felt like replying :D
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#3 lunarverse

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Posted February 04 2011 - 07:35 AM

It sounds like perhaps your sexual preferences are changing as a way to preserve/ensure an active sex life for you. That or you're simply becoming more attracted to younger women because you're getting older, I don't know.

I'm not going to judge you, but I'm not going to comment on the younger girl thing because I don't feel that that is right, nor do I find them attractive whatsoever.

As for the virgin vs experience I know what you mean. A virgin (only sexually speaking) has nothing to offer if one is looking for really good sex. I've never seen virginity as some prize or belt notch. A sexually experienced woman who can get on top and rock your world is much more appealing and obviously has much more to offer.

That being said, I would think Cherea that you still have a very wide market available to you. Late 20s through late 30s singles, but on top of that there's probably a large group of 40 somethings who are fresh off a divorce and are not looking for anything serious except a good fuck as it's been a while.

Experience is definitely more appealing in contrast to lack thereof or prudishness.
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Fidel lashed his machine gun and ammunition belt to his back,
leaped over the ship's rail into the shark-infested waters of Nipe Bay,
and swam several miles back to the mainland.
He was the only legionnaire to escape.'
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#4 Cherea

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Posted February 04 2011 - 07:45 AM

It sounds like perhaps your sexual preferences are changing as a way to preserve/ensure an active sex life for you. That or you're simply becoming more attracted to younger women because you're getting older, I don't know.

Thanks for responding. I think it is so. Yeah, one of the two. :D

That being said, I would think Cherea that you still have a very wide market available to you. Late 20s through late 30s singles, but on top of that there's probably a large group of 40 somethings who are fresh off a divorce and are not looking for anything serious except a good fuck as it's been a while.

This is only relatively related to age, though. Some young girls have acquired a lot of experience in a short time-span. Whereas 40-year-old divorcees may still lack it.

Experience is definitely more appealing in contrast to lack thereof or prudishness.

I think we see eye-to-eye on this issue.

#5 lunarverse

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Posted February 04 2011 - 07:49 AM

This is only relatively related to age, though. Some young girls have had a lot of experience in a short time-span. Whereas 40-year-old divorcees may still lack it.


Yea of course, I was just meaning to address this;

I am feeling more and more sequestered into an ivory tower of people who have had a significant amount of partners.



While it's probably true that the available age group of women your age are getting paired off and settling...uh, I mean settling down, there is still the experienced younger crowd and the experienced older/freshly divorced crowd. Going beyond that there's the freshly widowed crowd :D
'Fifteen hundred members of the legion were taken prisoner.
Fidel lashed his machine gun and ammunition belt to his back,
leaped over the ship's rail into the shark-infested waters of Nipe Bay,
and swam several miles back to the mainland.
He was the only legionnaire to escape.'
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

#6 LeviathanXII

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Posted February 04 2011 - 08:21 AM

Personally I do not worry about it. Experience has little to do with preference. To this date the best blowjobs I ever had were from my first sexual partner, and I was hers. My favorite sex was with another girlfriend who had not had sexual partners before me just like the former girl, but a close second was a girl 6 years older, with experience. And some of the least enjoyable sex I have had has been with people who have had many more partners.

With experience comes habit. With sexual inexperienced partners, you get the oppertunity to mold their habits to your preference. Ive done it to two different people, mentioned above, so I know it works on some level at least :P
He sought his old habitual fear of death and could not find it. Where was it? What death? There was no more fear because there was no more death.

#7 Sam_Stoned

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Posted February 04 2011 - 08:27 AM

It's strange. Girls my age seem to assume I'm inexperienced but as it turns out I've had quite a good amount of experiance with older women who seem to like me a lot more than the girls in my age range.

More often than not the people I've been involved with were at least 5 years older than me. I've bridged the 16 year gap though. I was with a woman who had a kid older than me lol

I don't know why I have trouble connecting with girls my own age... you can't really be a free spirit and have any sort of meaningful relationship with someone who already has their life set in order... i dunno.

#8 Duck

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Posted February 04 2011 - 08:50 AM

I don't think it's as much about experience, but openness and just plain sexuality (my girlfriend started off pretty damn good, even though she's way better after all these years).
A lot of inexperienced girls might not be open to very much, and a lot may not have good sexual instinct or hunger; older ones, especially.
If you got yourself a lolita (don't) or lonely teenager with a little bit of instinct; I'm sure she'd be able to drive you wild.



I've always fantasized about more experienced (older) women the most; but sometimes I fantasize about a threesome where me and my girl are showing someone a little younger the ropes.
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#9 Cherea

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Posted February 04 2011 - 09:32 AM

I don't think it's as much about experience, but openness and just plain sexuality (my girlfriend started off pretty damn good, even though she's way better after all these years).
A lot of inexperienced girls might not be open to very much, and a lot may not have good sexual instinct or hunger; older ones, especially.
If you got yourself a lolita (don't) or lonely teenager with a little bit of instinct; I'm sure she'd be able to drive you wild.

I understand what you're saying on one level. However, I do feel like sexual experience with many partners is something I prize, regardless of sexual appetite.

Granted, the lolita could potentially drive me wild; but I'm thinking if she's truly uninhibited, either she'd be on her way to acquire experience with many more partners than myself and I would be a stepping stone to her (fine by me); or, she'd be seeking the kind of relationship you have with your girlfriend (freaky with one guy).

Although I can see the benefits and security in monogamy, I still strive for women who can be uninhibited in open relationships as well. Were I to enter a monogamous relationship one day, I would want a lengthy open stage first, I do believe.

#10 Duck

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Posted February 04 2011 - 09:40 AM

Although I can see the benefits and security in monogamy, I still strive for women who can be uninhibited in open relationships as well.

I definitely can identify with that =P

For me, I think it's mostly two things: variety is the spice of life and all
But also, that as much of a romantic sap I am, I've always idolized ladies men, not the total scum mind you; but the Clark Gable, Dean Martin-type -- and I started out with a ton of social anxiety -- and now that chicks actually dig me with some frequency, it kills me that I must inhibit myself


Any clue why do you take so much pride in their experience?
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#11 thedope

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Posted February 04 2011 - 09:46 AM

When we say another is inexperienced, we are simply admitting to our own.

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#12 Logan 5

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Posted February 04 2011 - 02:23 PM

Virgins can be....shall I say "unique"?

You want me to do WHAT?!?!?!

Iiiiii don't know. What IS that????

I am NOT going to stick THAT in MY mouth, MISTER!

Welllll, yeah it hurt. But....wellll...I dunno...

If you stop I'm gonna tell my daddy what you did! (by far my favorite!)


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#13 odon

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Posted February 04 2011 - 02:44 PM

I am still very sexually active, fit, and single


I have nothing to say other than to say: This made me laugh.
That's what very confident people write in their singles ad.
"NS. Likes: Going to the Cinema, walks in the country and quiet nights in"
No sir, that's not good enough: I'm very sexually active, fit, and single.

lol...

#14 Meliai

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Posted February 04 2011 - 05:06 PM

Women hit their sexual peak around the age of 30, which means there is a whole untapped (by you) group of women in your age group who have spent their 20s aquiring experience and are hitting their sexual peak, just waiting to use you to whet their appetite :) Go forth and find them
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#15 The Imaginary Being

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Posted February 04 2011 - 05:16 PM

i like younger girls. i'm at that age where young girls think i'm cool, so i capitalise on this.

#16 Cherea

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Posted February 04 2011 - 05:40 PM

I definitely can identify with that =P

For me, I think it's mostly two things: variety is the spice of life and all
But also, that as much of a romantic sap I am, I've always idolized ladies men, not the total scum mind you; but the Clark Gable, Dean Martin-type -- and I started out with a ton of social anxiety -- and now that chicks actually dig me with some frequency, it kills me that I must inhibit myself


Any clue why do you take so much pride in their experience?

I've always despised ladiesman. And I am also very impatient toward groupieish attention coming from women (even on the rare occasions it's directed toward me).

I've always suspected ladiesmen were more about "being seen" with and "chased" by ladies than actually fucking them. And, that's everything that I am not and my polar opposite.

I am much too shy, awkward, socially impatient, and too much of a loner to be the smooth ladiesman. Not to mention a tad short and lean. Way too formal and reserved to be "cool."

The guys I've always identified with were the guys who get around on the DL. No bang. And that just sort of happened. Like you, I came from a place of social anxiety,,,when I was 19, even puritanism...used to think fucking around was morally wrong.

I think certain relationships were what led me down the path from one chick to another. Each chick was a reaction to the previous one, until I was able to turn around and see the full deck...by accident. Of course, I've always desired (and still do) being with as many women as possible, but something about it still feels accidental...

--------------------

Something else I can identify with from what you said is the inhibition part. One of my formative experiences (I was around 26 and really just starting picking up speed, though already no virgin) was my commitment of 3 years. It was then that I first felt attractive after adolescence.

But I had to inhibit myself due to commitment. So, what happened after we parted? I fucked around like I had never done before.

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Why do I take pride in their experience? Well, chicks who fuck a lot are just plain attractive to me. It's hard to explain why...It's not so much pride as it is an incredible love for whores.

P.S. One girlfriend used to call me "whore-lover" another one diagnosed me with a "gigolo-complex." :D

#17 MissBHave

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Posted February 04 2011 - 06:54 PM

this is an interesting thread
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#18 lunarverse

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Posted February 05 2011 - 09:44 AM

Why do I take pride in their experience? Well, chicks who fuck a lot are just plain attractive to me. It's hard to explain why...It's not so much pride as it is an incredible love for whores.


Maybe this is why;

Like you, I came from a place of social anxiety,,,when I was 19, even puritanism...used to think fucking around was morally wrong.


Maybe you're psychologically more attracted to women who get around because it's the polar opposite of your background growing up. It's the thing that you were taught was bad; promiscuity. Sometimes what's bad can be desirable for the sole reason that it is "bad".

The reason you no longer see it as bad is because you've developed your own morality, but the attraction has been ingrained in you since your sexual appetite starting getting stronger, or likely even before that.
'Fifteen hundred members of the legion were taken prisoner.
Fidel lashed his machine gun and ammunition belt to his back,
leaped over the ship's rail into the shark-infested waters of Nipe Bay,
and swam several miles back to the mainland.
He was the only legionnaire to escape.'
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

#19 Si69

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Posted February 05 2011 - 11:57 AM

yeah, an interesting thread btu I'm not really sure exactly what your point is? I'm getting older, 59, and "still" sexually active - part from physical decline sexually I am, if anything have become more active sexually in the last five years. I shoiuld say that I'm married the last 18 years but before than as single for 20 years I had some scores of women and maybe half a score of men.

I am mostly attracted to people younger than me and having now come out to my wife as bisexual am enjoying some rennaisance with swinnging, boyfriend and 3sums. Not as experienced as some of course but I feel that I have become much more open to other sexual modes and lifestyles.

Thinking of younger lovers i canot say that the 19 y o Vietnamese boy I met in NZealand was lacking in his lovemaking - only his maturity; and he was fun. Everyone has their story and just because they may not have wide sexual experience they will all have something to bring to the party.

who wants to only fuck sex-snobs, what happened to innocence being a turn-on.................

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#20 scratcho

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Posted February 05 2011 - 12:03 PM

You don't stay away from high school basketball because the NBA has better players. There's fun to be had enjoying both ends of the B-ball spectrum. Same with sex.

#21 vigilanteherbalist2

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Posted February 05 2011 - 12:13 PM

the only thing that is incorrect about what you are doing is your assumption that girls that have only had "a couple boyfriends" are inexpereienced or prudish. experience does certainly not equal sexual prowess. for instance, there are plenty of men that have had many many women, but still suck in bed.

personally, i prefer older men, and not for sexual reasons. yes, i can assume that they probably have a better idea of what they're doing in bed, but i also have fantasies about opening the sexual mind's eye of younger men.

#22 Cherea

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Posted February 06 2011 - 02:36 AM

the only thing that is incorrect about what you are doing is your assumption that girls that have only had "a couple boyfriends" are inexpereienced or prudish. experience does certainly not equal sexual prowess. for instance, there are plenty of men that have had many many women, but still suck in bed.

personally, i prefer older men, and not for sexual reasons. yes, i can assume that they probably have a better idea of what they're doing in bed, but i also have fantasies about opening the sexual mind's eye of younger men.

Your experience is different from mine. I can't recall a single sexually inexperienced partner who was able take initiative in bed. They may have been randy, or I may have enjoyed having sex with them for other reasons (emotional closeness, they were hot, etc.); but, from the best of my recollection, they were submissive.

The sexual partners I've had who matched me were all very experienced. And by experienced I mean, they've been with many partners.

Something else which I think is related is the importance sexually inexperienced partners will place on an encounter. Say, I'm their 6th sexual partner or something, and she is my 88th...it's obvious the experience will be much more important to them.

And, again, in my experience that usually leads to them being more attached to me than the other way around. And, the more attached a girl is, the more inhibited she becomes :confused: (my experience, though I can't explain why).

#23 vigilanteherbalist2

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Posted February 06 2011 - 06:41 AM

perhaps your experience with the unexperienced is a product of the type of people you choose, and not because of their inexperience.

in fact, it seems you are confusing "experienced" with "dominant sexuality". what you are saying that sexual dominance is a product of experience, which can't always be true.

also, it is incorrect to assume that just because they are inexperienced that they will place more significance on the encounter than you. just because they haven't fucked, doesn't mean they don't want to. maybe they're just picky.

#24 6-eyed shaman

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Posted February 06 2011 - 11:13 PM

The only sexually inexperienced person I been with who'd only had sex one time before she met me for the one night stand. She wasn't horrible but I had to teach her that PULLING on the cock like she's uprooting a weed is not the way to pleasure a man. It actually hurt!!

#25 Cherea

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Posted February 07 2011 - 10:53 AM

perhaps your experience with the unexperienced is a product of the type of people you choose, and not because of their inexperience.

in fact, it seems you are confusing "experienced" with "dominant sexuality". what you are saying that sexual dominance is a product of experience, which can't always be true.

also, it is incorrect to assume that just because they are inexperienced that they will place more significance on the encounter than you. just because they haven't fucked, doesn't mean they don't want to. maybe they're just picky.

Fair enough.

#26 OhSoDreadful

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Posted February 07 2011 - 06:40 PM

if it's a guy I'm doin it with, yeah it's a turnoff

if it's a chick I don't really care, just a hole to me pretty much
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#27 lovelyxmalia

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Posted February 17 2011 - 05:49 AM

I've dated a few guys that were less experienced then me. I know it freaked them out...I don't know if it was for trust reasons or STDs or what, but it definitely made them feel inadequate. My boyfriend now is very experienced...he had a crazy phase during his 20's so it makes me feel better that I'm with someone on the same page as me.

Overall, experience isn't important to me when I'm with a person because I think about the present...what they've done is their business...as long as they have some experience, I'm ok

#28 meridianwest

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Posted February 17 2011 - 09:29 AM

sexual inexperience in itself isn't a turn-off, no. and besides i am in that age already where it's highly unlikely that my sexual partner is going to be someone not yet experienced in sex.

however, being a prude and not being interested in sex is a huge turn-off.

#29 Sam_Stoned

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Posted February 17 2011 - 09:36 AM

I can understand how a woman with mucho exp. can be intimidating to some guys. They figure all odds are you were probably with quite a few people that were better bigger stronger then them.

But sex is 90% mental. if a girl likes you enough to have sex with you... as long as you're not a quick squirt Bert and are attentive to her needs it'll be good.