Things only a stoner would say...

im not even hijh,.

 

Mannnnn,,, im just talkeing a walk,

 

YAY i just found a roach on my mat in my car!

 

yay i found an entire quarter bag out of all the buds i've dropped in my car since the last time i cleaned it!

 

That fart sounded like it said, "biiiiig boy". :sifone:

 

"There were some sugar ants in the toaster so I made poptarts anyway, figured theyd burn off"

"I cant find my shirt"
"Dont worry man its all chill"

"GTA, cant beat it"
"I beat it twice"

"Resin hit with my last bowl"

 

"I think I need one more hit."
-fumbles with the lighter, notices it's upside-down, and then rights it-
-fumbles to light it for like five minutes-
"Man this lighter's a piece of shit."
"holy fuck, it just got SO MUCH BRIGHTER in this fucking tent."
"Something smells fucking weird."
"It's all good, I finally got my hit." -hair is on fire-

Happened to me a few weekends ago...fortunately we noticed it before it got to my scalp xD

 

"Why does D never answer zir phone?"

"Don't worry too much. Zie tends to unplug it when zie's too stoned to talk."

EDIT: "CROTCH COOKIES!"

 

"Fuckin clown shoes"
"Red-shirt"

 

"oh this isn't where the cups are... this is your purse"

 

"Where's my laptop?"
"On your lap."

Annnnd later today...

"Fuck...do me a solid. How do I send this e-mail? I forgot how."
"You see where it says "Send" right above the text box?"

 

"and so that's why....wait, what was I saying?"

 

arty:arty:

I love drugs an' don't you forget it
I love drugs an' don't you forget it
I love drugs an' don't you forget it, baby!

love weed too and you won't regret it
love weed too and you won't regret it
love weed too and you won't regret it, baby!

arty:arty:

 

*hits bong and passes to friend*

*friend sits there for a minute*

me: hit that shit dude what the fuck

friend: give me the lighter first

me: shit my bad

stoner moment

 

Please share and distribute freely

GREEN BUDS AND HASH
A pot poem by Dana Larsen

Would you like green buds and hash?
- No I would not, Mister Stash!

Would you like them in a bong?
Would you like them all day long?

- No I would not in a bong!
- No I would not all day long!
- I do not like green buds and hash.
- I do not want them Mister Stash!

Would you like them wrapped in paper?
Will you try them now or later?

- I do not want them wrapped in paper.
- I don't want them now or later.
- I don't want them in a bong,
- I do not want them all day long.
- I do not like green buds and hash,
- I do not want them Mister Stash!

Would you like them in a joint?
- No I would not, what's the point?

Perhaps you would prefer a puff?
Just have one, that is enough.

- I won't partake, not of a puff,
- Nor a hoot, nor hit, nor huff!

Would you try a tiny toke?
- No I don't want any smoke!

What if they were vaporized?
- I've told you no a thousand times!

Would you, could you, in a cake?
Or in cookies I can bake?

- I do not want them in a cake,
- Or in cookies you could bake.
- I do not want them vaporized,
- Or other means you have devised.
- I do not wish to try a toke,
- Or otherwise inhale smoke.
- I won't participate in puffs,
- You have asked me quite enough!
- I get no joy from juicy joints,
- I really do not see the point.
- I do not want to use the bong,
- I think that buds and hash are wrong.

In a tincture would you take it?
I could show you how to make it.

- I do not want them in a tincture
- Or in any other mixture!
- I do not want green buds and hash,
- I do not want them Mister Stash!
- Why do you care if I try them?
- Will you profit if I buy them?

I offer buds and hash for free,
There is no benefit to me.
Someone said that that you were sick,
green buds and hash might do the trick.
If you find you're getting thinner,
With no appetite for dinner,
Or you suffer from sclerosis,
Epilepsy or neuroses,
For almost all the ills that ail ya,
buds and hash will never fail ya.
Have glaucoma? PMS?
Green buds and hash have much success.
For protection against strokes,
Its best to have some potent tokes.
If your muscles are not dandy,
Try some green bud infused candy.
For migraines, spasms, even cancer,
Green buds and hash provide the answer.
If you are not feeling right,
Then have green buds and hash tonight.

- It's true I am not feeling great,
- My health's been rather poor of late.
- My doctor says that I have ills,
- He told me I should take these pills.
- I cannot even sleep at night,
- I never do feel quite alright.
- I will try green buds and hash,
- I will try them Mister Stash!

Pfffffffffffffft!

- Hey now I am feeling good!
- They worked just like you said they would.
- I have never felt this fine!
- Green buds and hash are quite divine!
- I will bake a green bud brownie,
- Whenever I am feeling frowny.
- I will try them vaporized,
- That technique seems very wise.
- I will take them in a tincture,
- And in every other mixture.
- Perhaps I would prefer to puff,
- And stop when I have had enough.
- I will roll some massive joints,
- And smoke them down to little points.
- I will toke upon the bong,
- I will do it all day long.
- I really like green buds and hash,
- I do enjoy them Mister Stash!
- Thanks for being so insistent
- And for being so persistent.
- My mind and body are improved,
- My spirit also has been moved.
- Though I was told they are a sin,
- Green buds and hash are medicine.
- I'm sorry that I was so hateful,
- Now I know I should be grateful!
- Thank you, thank you, Mister Stash,
- Thank you for green buds and hash!

 

I got five on it...

 

"I have glaucoma"

 

"My teeth are vibrating."

...That was some really, really good shit.

 

" This weed starting to taste kinda funny.."

turn the light on and realize we were smoking melted plastic

 

.