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Things only a stoner would say...


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#1 Alighieri

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Posted October 26 2010 - 03:26 PM

1. From earlier this evening:

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!....Wait...my pants caught it all! YES!" - In response to spilling a sesh bowl. (Still wasn't thrilled about smoking crotch-weed, but better than nothing.)

...

2. "Crotch weed"

3. "Shake and bake? I paid fifty bucks for a fucking quarter of shake and bake? You, sir, are never allowed to pick up for us again."

Lets see how far we can get with this. Post your stoner-speak. Extra points if the chatter is chuckle-worthy.

#2 orison319

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Posted October 26 2010 - 03:30 PM

I dont know what you said dude, but your ass is still on fire.. Can I get a light, while youre up?..

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#3 Nyxx

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Posted October 26 2010 - 03:32 PM

"where are my skittles and mountain dew?"
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#4 CannbisSouL

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Posted October 26 2010 - 04:26 PM

*sound of water bubbling* cough cough cough cough cough *spitting*

It's the tell-tale sign of a stoner toking..



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#5 PurpByThePound

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Posted October 26 2010 - 06:29 PM

dank

dank ass

fire

du-u-uu-u-uude

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
You have no clue like toy stores without board games
That when I paint pictures, I'm dipping brushes in war paint


#6 Nyxx

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Posted October 26 2010 - 06:53 PM

'ere
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#7 Spicey Cat

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Posted October 26 2010 - 07:21 PM

Fuck! Duuude that roach got so tiny i just burned all the tiny bits of peach fuzz off my upper lip! (This from a woman)
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."

-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President
MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2

#8 Nyxx

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Posted October 26 2010 - 07:32 PM

FUCK! I lost the lighter!
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#9 EnergyofInfinity

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Posted October 26 2010 - 07:37 PM

"Dude! Do you see that fucking cloud?" " Yeah man its so.....so Puffy!"

"Man where did that joint go, I swear I just saw the damn joint!?!?" (After a few minutes of searching) "Hahahahhaha! Shit dude, its behind my ear! :p" "Fuck man, don't scare me like that"
Peace and Love is the Evolution of ManKind

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#10 PurpByThePound

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Posted October 26 2010 - 08:03 PM

Fuck that white lighter

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
You have no clue like toy stores without board games
That when I paint pictures, I'm dipping brushes in war paint


#11 Spicey Cat

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Posted October 26 2010 - 08:07 PM

Referring to a harvest from a shitty grow:

"More schwag for your bag?"
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."

-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President
MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2

#12 idioticnumbskull

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Posted October 26 2010 - 08:12 PM

Duuude! You ever imagine if your fingers had eyes?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Like if you fingers had eyes and you had to feel around for sight, like your hand had consciousness!

Maaaan, Gimmie that joint! Your fucked up.

#13 Meliai

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Posted October 26 2010 - 08:20 PM

"books are like, way better than bombs, man.." something my friend once said while discussing war while stoned lol.

"oh my god, i cant stop eating!." what i say everytime i get the munchies

man theres so many good stoner phrases ive catalogued over the years and i cant think of any of them now


Fuck that white lighter


so is the fear of the white lighter a worldwide phenomena? Someone started a rumor in my high school that a few students died in car wrecks with white lighters on them, so i always thought it was specific to the town i grew up in.
I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love - J.R.R Tolkien

#14 Alighieri

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Posted October 26 2010 - 09:59 PM

I think white lighters might just be cursed in general. White lighters and those fucking mini-Bics. Every time I've had a lighter die on me mid-bong hit, it's either been with a white lighter or a kiddie lighter.

Also, a white lighter ruined a bazooka bong on me once. Shit pissed me off. *still sulks about it frequently*

Anywho, to get it back on topic:

"Ugh...that shit's pure treats, man." (Treats being the ash you sometimes get in your mouth as a result of smoking from a crappy glass pipe. Me and my circle of friends have come to use the term to describe anything that tastes nasty.)

"NOOOOO!!! They killed Babar!" (Babar being a dear friend's best pipe...just happened to be a glass elephant)

"I killed Uncle Sam!" (My first ceramic bong...it was short, black and adorned with skulls wearing red white and blue top hats.)

"Andre the Giant is DEAD!" (Referring to my first Acrylic bong, a three-foot yellow monstrosity. I accidentally kneeled on it one day and it broke at the ice catch. T'was a sad day.)

"They raped and pillaged Montoya!" (Someone stole the bowl from my baby sister's bong and cracked the mouth piece to shit.)

Hadn't thought of it up to this point, but me and my near and dear have had horrible luck with our paraphernalia over the summer.

I had terrible luck with bongs over the summer.

#15 Meliai

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Posted October 26 2010 - 10:05 PM

i dont touch white lighters because of that damn high school rumor...if the only lighter around is a white lighter i'll go to the store and buy a new one. its so silly..

the good thing about baby bics is when they die, they're dead. Theres none of that "oh, wait, i know i can get another spark, I just gotta keep tryin" and then you sit there trying to light it for 20 minutes until it finally catches....those cheap ass clear plastic lighters are bad about that, you can always get just one more light out of it so you keep trying and trying..its like they taunt you.

anyways.this whole post is something a dumbass stoner would say lol.
I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love - J.R.R Tolkien

#16 stevedavejesus

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Posted October 26 2010 - 10:19 PM

"dude, man" brief pause for a hit
"fucking uh," exhale
"you know man me and," brief pause for hit,
"uh," exhale and pause to think
"uh, what was i saying?"
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this."
- Albert Einstein

#17 white dove

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Posted October 26 2010 - 11:03 PM

Therez a sign in to loo, -water not fit for human consumption- haha that was a good day.,

#18 Alighieri

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Posted October 26 2010 - 11:11 PM

[Stoner babble]I totally gotta get a sticker that says that for my bong. People keep trying to drink from it at parties. I'm scared someone's going to do it for real one of these days.[/Stoner babble]

#19 white dove

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Posted October 26 2010 - 11:24 PM

Taste like shit man, worse than the smell, ; ), u can drink it just taste like shit.

#20 Alighieri

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Posted October 26 2010 - 11:30 PM

I tried it in my cocaine phase. Managed to keep it down chasing it with scotch, but it didn't do shit. Straining the grunge and smoking it, on the other hand...fuck yeah, that's all I can say.

#21 orison319

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Posted October 26 2010 - 11:35 PM

im not even hijh,.


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You guard your hopes

you pocket your dreams
You'd trade it all to
avoid an unpleasant scene


#22 white dove

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Posted October 27 2010 - 01:07 AM

Mannnnn,,, im just talkeing a walk,

#23 BornHippy

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Posted October 27 2010 - 04:03 AM

YAY i just found a roach on my mat in my car!

#24 Meliai

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Posted October 27 2010 - 08:17 AM

yay i found an entire quarter bag out of all the buds i've dropped in my car since the last time i cleaned it!
I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love - J.R.R Tolkien

#25 neuroptican

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Posted October 27 2010 - 08:21 AM

That fart sounded like it said, "biiiiig boy". :sifone:
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listen: http://soundcloud.com/ghost-array

I'll leave you with this: grow marijuana.


#26 DrKlunk

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Posted October 27 2010 - 08:30 AM

"There were some sugar ants in the toaster so I made poptarts anyway, figured theyd burn off"

"I cant find my shirt"
"Dont worry man its all chill"

"GTA, cant beat it"
"I beat it twice"

"Resin hit with my last bowl"
[SIGPIC]http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs320.snc4/41327_424831614772_584514772_4958074_1911469_n.jpg[/SIGPIC]
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes

#27 Amsler

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Posted October 27 2010 - 08:34 AM

"I think I need one more hit."
-fumbles with the lighter, notices it's upside-down, and then rights it-
-fumbles to light it for like five minutes-
"Man this lighter's a piece of shit."
"holy fuck, it just got SO MUCH BRIGHTER in this fucking tent."
"Something smells fucking weird."
"It's all good, I finally got my hit." -hair is on fire-

Happened to me a few weekends ago...fortunately we noticed it before it got to my scalp xD

#28 Alighieri

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Posted October 27 2010 - 09:09 AM

"Why does D never answer zir phone?"

"Don't worry too much. Zie tends to unplug it when zie's too stoned to talk."

EDIT: "CROTCH COOKIES!"

#29 DrKlunk

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Posted October 28 2010 - 07:42 AM

"Fuckin clown shoes"
"Red-shirt"
[SIGPIC]http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs320.snc4/41327_424831614772_584514772_4958074_1911469_n.jpg[/SIGPIC]
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes

#30 wild-flowers

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Posted October 28 2010 - 08:00 AM

"oh this isn't where the cups are... this is your purse"
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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