Things only a stoner would say...

1. From earlier this evening:

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!....Wait...my pants caught it all! YES!" - In response to spilling a sesh bowl. (Still wasn't thrilled about smoking crotch-weed, but better than nothing.)

...

2. "Crotch weed"

3. "Shake and bake? I paid fifty bucks for a fucking quarter of shake and bake? You, sir, are never allowed to pick up for us again."

Lets see how far we can get with this. Post your stoner-speak. Extra points if the chatter is chuckle-worthy.

 

I dont know what you said dude, but your ass is still on fire.. Can I get a light, while youre up?..

Welcome to Hip Forum..

 

"where are my skittles and mountain dew?"

 

*sound of water bubbling* cough cough cough cough cough *spitting*

It's the tell-tale sign of a stoner toking..

 

dank

dank ass

fire

du-u-uu-u-uude

 

'ere

 

Fuck! Duuude that roach got so tiny i just burned all the tiny bits of peach fuzz off my upper lip! (This from a woman)

 

FUCK! I lost the lighter!

 

"Dude! Do you see that fucking cloud?" " Yeah man its so.....so Puffy!"

"Man where did that joint go, I swear I just saw the damn joint!?!?" (After a few minutes of searching) "Hahahahhaha! Shit dude, its behind my ear! " "Fuck man, don't scare me like that"

 

Fuck that white lighter

 

Referring to a harvest from a shitty grow:

"More schwag for your bag?"

 

Duuude! You ever imagine if your fingers had eyes?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Like if you fingers had eyes and you had to feel around for sight, like your hand had consciousness!

Maaaan, Gimmie that joint! Your fucked up.

 

"books are like, way better than bombs, man.." something my friend once said while discussing war while stoned lol.

"oh my god, i cant stop eating!." what i say everytime i get the munchies

man theres so many good stoner phrases ive catalogued over the years and i cant think of any of them now

so is the fear of the white lighter a worldwide phenomena? Someone started a rumor in my high school that a few students died in car wrecks with white lighters on them, so i always thought it was specific to the town i grew up in.

 

I think white lighters might just be cursed in general. White lighters and those fucking mini-Bics. Every time I've had a lighter die on me mid-bong hit, it's either been with a white lighter or a kiddie lighter.

Also, a white lighter ruined a bazooka bong on me once. Shit pissed me off. *still sulks about it frequently*

Anywho, to get it back on topic:

"Ugh...that shit's pure treats, man." (Treats being the ash you sometimes get in your mouth as a result of smoking from a crappy glass pipe. Me and my circle of friends have come to use the term to describe anything that tastes nasty.)

"NOOOOO!!! They killed Babar!" (Babar being a dear friend's best pipe...just happened to be a glass elephant)

"I killed Uncle Sam!" (My first ceramic bong...it was short, black and adorned with skulls wearing red white and blue top hats.)

"Andre the Giant is DEAD!" (Referring to my first Acrylic bong, a three-foot yellow monstrosity. I accidentally kneeled on it one day and it broke at the ice catch. T'was a sad day.)

"They raped and pillaged Montoya!" (Someone stole the bowl from my baby sister's bong and cracked the mouth piece to shit.)

Hadn't thought of it up to this point, but me and my near and dear have had horrible luck with our paraphernalia over the summer.

I had terrible luck with bongs over the summer.

 

i dont touch white lighters because of that damn high school rumor...if the only lighter around is a white lighter i'll go to the store and buy a new one. its so silly..

the good thing about baby bics is when they die, they're dead. Theres none of that "oh, wait, i know i can get another spark, I just gotta keep tryin" and then you sit there trying to light it for 20 minutes until it finally catches....those cheap ass clear plastic lighters are bad about that, you can always get just one more light out of it so you keep trying and trying..its like they taunt you.

anyways.this whole post is something a dumbass stoner would say lol.

 

"dude, man" brief pause for a hit
"fucking uh," exhale
"you know man me and," brief pause for hit,
"uh," exhale and pause to think
"uh, what was i saying?"

 

Therez a sign in to loo, -water not fit for human consumption- haha that was a good day.,

 

[Stoner babble]I totally gotta get a sticker that says that for my bong. People keep trying to drink from it at parties. I'm scared someone's going to do it for real one of these days.[/Stoner babble]

 

Taste like shit man, worse than the smell, ; ), u can drink it just taste like shit.

 

I tried it in my cocaine phase. Managed to keep it down chasing it with scotch, but it didn't do shit. Straining the grunge and smoking it, on the other hand...fuck yeah, that's all I can say.