I built a masturbation machine for men that actually works

Hahahaha. I'm laughing so hard right now. I built the first masturbation machine that works. I've tried everything. And it's very hard for me to get off because I'm basically a sex addict.

Anyway, I've accepted the fact that I'm probably never going to get a girl every again in my life so I decided to build a masturbation machine.

Ok, here are the things you need to buy. You won't be embarrassed buying this stuff because no one will suspect anything. All materials totaly about $75. That's still cheaper than most machines and this is guaranteed to work. If it works on me, it'll work on anyone.

List of materials
1) Hitachi D10VH drill ...it has a speed dial so you can adjust speed...it also has a button that lets you lock in the speed...people will just think you are doing home improvements....$49
this is the actual drill...it's awesome
http://www.amazon.com/Hitachi-D10VH...ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=hi&qid=1276816059&sr=8-3
2) you need a spade bit or a wood boring bit that is about 3/4" x 4"...you don't want it too long... 3/4" width is perfect for this, though...this will be about $4
something like this...http://www.amazon.com/Bosch-DSB1013...1?ie=UTF8&s=industrial&qid=1276816191&sr=8-11
3) Suave Naturals shampoo bottle...this is the exact one that I bought...my dick is almost 6 inches long so if you have an average sized dick...get this
http://www.vitacost.com/Suave-Naturals-Juicy-Green-Apple-Shampoo...about $2
4) medium sized latex gloves...large is okay too probably.. $3
5) scotch or 3M duck tape..$6
6) assorted rubber bands of different sizes...I got a bag of them with all different sizes...$1.50
7) lots of lube...the good stuff too...I'm using astroglide but I don't know if that is good enough because my dick is raw as hell right now...that can be fixed though...it's just skin, though...it'll be fine


That's it...take suave bottle...cut a 3/4" slit in the bottom. this if for the spade bit. First rap the spade bit in duct tape, you don't want it hurting your dick or cutting you but don't worry. It won't. Stick the spade bit it in slit of the suave bottle. Just enough so that it's in there. That's how the drill will turn the bottle. Now rap rubber bands around the top of the bit and create a sort of harness and rap the other end of the band around the bottle. This is for reinforcement. Then duct tape the rubber band to the bottle. Or if you have a better way, go for it.

Forgot one step: now you put crumpled up newspapers inside the bottle and pack it in around the bit so that the bit doesn't jar loose at all and also to protect your dick. ...Put in about 1 inch of newspaper padding.

Now cut the end of latex glove where the fingers are. Actually, if you can find some double sided tape, that might be best here. Wrap the duct tape in a loop so that both sides are sticky and put the duct tape on both sides of the inside of the bottle. Now put the latex glove inside and press it around so that it's firm or secure. Now wrape the other end of the latex glove around the base of the bottle and put a rubber band on it and then duct tape that also. Now you should be done. It's best if you can get the spade bit to go into the bottle a bit cock-eyed (no pun) because then when it swivels around it will be like a drum beating on your dick.

Anyway....I built this because the sex toys that I saw for men looked like junk that wouldn't last more than a month. This way, if the bottle, breaks, it's only $2 to go get another one. Have fun.

 

Wow isn't this an insult to the fleshlight haha. I mean with that, you can choose between a "lady parts", a mouth, or an asshole. They even have one called stealth. And you can choose different textures.

 

I never used a fleshlight. I thought the fleshlight wasn't motorized.

Oh, you mean a fleshlight with a vibrator in it? man, I've tried vibrator/massage things and they don't work. This isn't a vibrator. Feels kind of like a blowjob.

It's also high powered. Capable of 2500 rpm. This is well built too.

 

Or you could just use your hand

 

I got bad shoulders. Yeah, you could use your hand.

 

Can you move your hand at 2500rpm

....didn't think so

 

Post a pic of the finished product. Or else I call bullshit.

 

Mine has an Armstrong motor.

 

i wouldnt put my dick near a fucking drill bit dude. fuck that

 

give me about 15 minutes...I will post a picture

 

alright

 

Which precludes fucking it.

 

I forgot one step...you put crumpled up newspapers inside the bottle that way the bit never even gets close to your dick. Trust me...it's totally safe.

 

i'd imagine that a drill bit spinning at full speed would tear the fuck out of somebody's dick. i REALLY don't want to find out though.

unless OP is willing to take on the drillbit, cause i think this is a stupid ass idea

 

with all the effort of makin this thing, you could prolly get a gym membership and maybe find a girlfriend...

 

I have my reasons. I already gave some of my reasons. If you are the man, then this isn't for you. This is for sex addicts like me who jerk off 3 or 4 times per day and don't like wearing themselves out.

Anyway, you guys are making a big deal about the drill bit. the newspaper that you pack into the bottle prevents the bit from touching your dick. The bit would have to go through 1 inch of newspaper and latex gloves to hurt you and by then you will see that something wrong has happened.

 

not too mention the fact that you wrap the bit in duct tape before you put it in the bottle. How is a bit wrapped in duct tape going to hurt you? Read the entire post before you comment. You obviously didn't read my instructions.

 

HAHAHAHAHA.... sorry I'm not a man and I don't pretend to be. But I've never met a guy stupid enough to use a drill near his dick. Just because there are "buffers" doesn't mean that it's not going to go through and then suddenly, you're a eunuch.