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I built a masturbation machine for men that actually works


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#1 DIYsexmachinebuilder

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:05 PM

Hahahaha. I'm laughing so hard right now. I built the first masturbation machine that works. I've tried everything. And it's very hard for me to get off because I'm basically a sex addict.

Anyway, I've accepted the fact that I'm probably never going to get a girl every again in my life so I decided to build a masturbation machine.

Ok, here are the things you need to buy. You won't be embarrassed buying this stuff because no one will suspect anything. All materials totaly about $75. That's still cheaper than most machines and this is guaranteed to work. If it works on me, it'll work on anyone.

List of materials
1) Hitachi D10VH drill ...it has a speed dial so you can adjust speed...it also has a button that lets you lock in the speed...people will just think you are doing home improvements....$49
this is the actual drill...it's awesome
http://www.amazon.co...76816059&sr=8-3
2) you need a spade bit or a wood boring bit that is about 3/4" x 4"...you don't want it too long... 3/4" width is perfect for this, though...this will be about $4
something like this...http://www.amazon.co...6816191&sr=8-11
3) Suave Naturals shampoo bottle...this is the exact one that I bought...my dick is almost 6 inches long so if you have an average sized dick...get this
http://www.vitacost....Shampoo...about $2
4) medium sized latex gloves...large is okay too probably.. $3
5) scotch or 3M duck tape..$6
6) assorted rubber bands of different sizes...I got a bag of them with all different sizes...$1.50
7) lots of lube...the good stuff too...I'm using astroglide but I don't know if that is good enough because my dick is raw as hell right now...that can be fixed though...it's just skin, though...it'll be fine


That's it...take suave bottle...cut a 3/4" slit in the bottom. this if for the spade bit. First rap the spade bit in duct tape, you don't want it hurting your dick or cutting you but don't worry. It won't. Stick the spade bit it in slit of the suave bottle. Just enough so that it's in there. That's how the drill will turn the bottle. Now rap rubber bands around the top of the bit and create a sort of harness and rap the other end of the band around the bottle. This is for reinforcement. Then duct tape the rubber band to the bottle. Or if you have a better way, go for it.

Forgot one step: now you put crumpled up newspapers inside the bottle and pack it in around the bit so that the bit doesn't jar loose at all and also to protect your dick. ...Put in about 1 inch of newspaper padding.

Now cut the end of latex glove where the fingers are. Actually, if you can find some double sided tape, that might be best here. Wrap the duct tape in a loop so that both sides are sticky and put the duct tape on both sides of the inside of the bottle. Now put the latex glove inside and press it around so that it's firm or secure. Now wrape the other end of the latex glove around the base of the bottle and put a rubber band on it and then duct tape that also. Now you should be done. It's best if you can get the spade bit to go into the bottle a bit cock-eyed (no pun) because then when it swivels around it will be like a drum beating on your dick.

Anyway....I built this because the sex toys that I saw for men looked like junk that wouldn't last more than a month. This way, if the bottle, breaks, it's only $2 to go get another one. Have fun.

#2 chellybean

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:11 PM

Wow isn't this an insult to the fleshlight haha. I mean with that, you can choose between a "lady parts", a mouth, or an asshole. They even have one called stealth. And you can choose different textures.

#3 DIYsexmachinebuilder

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:16 PM

I never used a fleshlight. I thought the fleshlight wasn't motorized.

Oh, you mean a fleshlight with a vibrator in it? man, I've tried vibrator/massage things and they don't work. This isn't a vibrator. Feels kind of like a blowjob.

It's also high powered. Capable of 2500 rpm. This is well built too.

#4 Vanilla Gorilla

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:17 PM

Or you could just use your hand

8915-1.jpg


#5 DIYsexmachinebuilder

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:20 PM

I got bad shoulders. Yeah, you could use your hand.

#6 EnergyofInfinity

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:21 PM

Can you move your hand at 2500rpm

....didn't think so :cool:
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#7 Sam_Stoned

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:23 PM

Post a pic of the finished product. Or else I call bullshit.

#8 thedope

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:25 PM

Mine has an Armstrong motor.

#9 PurpByThePound

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:26 PM

i wouldnt put my dick near a fucking drill bit dude. fuck that

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#10 DIYsexmachinebuilder

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:28 PM

give me about 15 minutes...I will post a picture

#11 The Imaginary Being

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:30 PM

alright

#12 thedope

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:32 PM

i wouldnt put my dick near a fucking drill bit dude.

Which precludes fucking it.

#13 DIYsexmachinebuilder

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:38 PM

Posted Image

#14 DIYsexmachinebuilder

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:40 PM

I forgot one step...you put crumpled up newspapers inside the bottle that way the bit never even gets close to your dick. Trust me...it's totally safe.

#15 PurpByThePound

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:40 PM

i'd imagine that a drill bit spinning at full speed would tear the fuck out of somebody's dick. i REALLY don't want to find out though.

unless OP is willing to take on the drillbit, cause i think this is a stupid ass idea

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#16 PurpByThePound

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:40 PM

with all the effort of makin this thing, you could prolly get a gym membership and maybe find a girlfriend...

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#17 Justin_Hale

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:45 PM

http://www.hipforums...pictureid=50658

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#18 DIYsexmachinebuilder

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:47 PM

I have my reasons. I already gave some of my reasons. If you are the man, then this isn't for you. This is for sex addicts like me who jerk off 3 or 4 times per day and don't like wearing themselves out.

Anyway, you guys are making a big deal about the drill bit. the newspaper that you pack into the bottle prevents the bit from touching your dick. The bit would have to go through 1 inch of newspaper and latex gloves to hurt you and by then you will see that something wrong has happened.

#19 DIYsexmachinebuilder

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:48 PM

not too mention the fact that you wrap the bit in duct tape before you put it in the bottle. How is a bit wrapped in duct tape going to hurt you? Read the entire post before you comment. You obviously didn't read my instructions.

#20 chellybean

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:52 PM

HAHAHAHAHA.... sorry I'm not a man and I don't pretend to be. But I've never met a guy stupid enough to use a drill near his dick. Just because there are "buffers" doesn't mean that it's not going to go through and then suddenly, you're a eunuch.

#21 PB_Smith

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:54 PM

Dude, a drill bit spinning at 2500 rpm will fuck your cock up in no uncertain terms regardless if it's wrapped up in tape or not. You really think your protected? By looking at the pic I can tell all it's going to take is one wrong move and you will push the bit in further and end up with mince-meat for a dick.
Oh well, when you shred your dick and bleed to death we'll just chalk it up to another case of natural selection weeding the morons out of the gene pool.
Insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure

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PB is just a dick. He knows it too.

Really sucks when you jump on the bandwagon, only to find it's the garbage truck.


#22 PB_Smith

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Posted June 17 2010 - 03:58 PM

You actually joined HipForums today just so you could share this "invention" of yours?
Thats really sad and you have deeper issues than jerking it 4 times a day.
Insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

PB is just a dick. He knows it too.

Really sucks when you jump on the bandwagon, only to find it's the garbage truck.


#23 orison319

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Posted June 17 2010 - 04:01 PM

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:drool5:...


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#24 machinist

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Posted June 17 2010 - 04:03 PM

i work with huge masturbation machines everyday lol..

i can even program a computer numerical control machine to run all on its own all day :D

#25 DIYsexmachinebuilder

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Posted June 17 2010 - 04:07 PM

ok see you guys later. Obviously, I'm not cool enough. I'm guessing no one actually read my post in its entirety. The drill has a variable speed dial so it only goes 60 rpm. Ok, well, see you guys later. I'm done here. I thought some would think this was cool. bye.

#26 thedope

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Posted June 17 2010 - 04:08 PM

you put crumpled up newspapers inside


Any particular section, like the want ads?

#27 machinist

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Posted June 17 2010 - 04:09 PM

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i see a female version in the future

#28 orison319

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Posted June 17 2010 - 04:09 PM

Shop vac, 20 rubber gloves, Duct tape..

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#29 thedope

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Posted June 17 2010 - 04:09 PM

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i see a female version in the future

No shit!

#30 chellybean

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Posted June 17 2010 - 04:11 PM

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i see a female version in the future



I think the female version would include some sort of jackhammer, no? :p