Lending money? Can it really influence our relations?

Discussion in 'Hip Business Network' started by BettyBum, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. BettyBum

    BettyBum Member

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    Hi everybody!
    Nice to meet you here. The only reason i want to start this topic is to share my experience and maybe to get some advice . It's not a secrete that the whole world is suffering from crisis, everybody is struggling to push his own fortune in the world.
    Now i'm trying to start my own business. And the reason i can't do this is my strained circumstances. I don't ask for money!))) NOOOO. But i have such a situation becase I was kind enough to hand out all my funds i 'd raised )) My relatives had some financial problems. It is only natural that family members might want to help each other out by lending money if they are able.I want to help others, but sometimes everything going wrong especially if my help should be material, i can't say no to a friend when he/she needs help. If you have ever loaned money to a family member and they failed to paid you back, you are undoubtedly familiar with my situation. Of course personal relashions suffer from borrowing and lending money between family members and friends. BUt now, i need help and nobody can help me.
    Now i'm tired of calling my relatives and ask them to give my money back, I feel myself being a tyrant!( It's ok when lending them, but not when getting it back. I've been working for 6 years trying to collect some money to open my own business but I'm still at the same point. I don't want to be grubstaked, or even worse to take a credit. I have few weeks left to invest in, it was dream of the whole my life i've been moving to.... I don't want to risk the relationship by saying no, but you are taking a big risk by saying yes…
    which is the best variant? I don't want to get in debts, or to take a credit, i just want my money back. The whole my life i was trying to live helping others. Not long ago one of my friends called me and he asked a huge sum of money urgently. I* got up at midnight and helped him. He asked me 1 week time to pay back. I am having all of his contact numbers.
    About two months gone. The next week onwards from the day i gave money, both his numbers are out of service. What should I do? ....
     
  2. Zorba The Grape

    Zorba The Grape Gavagai?

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    Stop lending money to people if you're not certain they'll pay it back.
     
  3. Altered Ego

    Altered Ego Member

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    Biggie said it best: "money and blood dont mix like 2 dicks and no bitch"
     
  4. Dancing til Dawn

    Dancing til Dawn Senior Member

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    What a awful thing to happen, bad things do happen to good people and you sound like a good un-

    You may never get your money back, you need to either push much harder and get your other family and friends to put pressure on them too.

    Or..

    Right if off, it wil come back to you, your gesture of goodness.Maybe not thru your family but in other ways.
    Your karma is clear, your hands are clean theres is full of shit!

    I know its frustrating, but learn from this and if money is tight, dont give it out..
     
  5. BettyBum

    BettyBum Member

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    Thanks for your replies!
    Recently I received an answer to my question, rather interesting but I've never thought about that and never used it before. I'm talking about agreement. It reminds me the situation with marriage agreement, some people think that it's very reliable and it's needed for people not to be dealing with money affairs between people in marriage, but the other part is against, cause it's not morally ethic, as when you document your financial status and money affairs gives an idea this marriage won't prolong too much time, just before ahead you give a doubt to the marriage. The statistics shows us that those who did it, are more confident and the marriages are also strong, so it doesn't influence their relations. So what about the same situation as for lending money and loans, should we make it documented anyway? I think it's awesome. You are sure that you will get your money back according to the agreement.
    Please, share your ideas;)
    thanx
     
  6. TheChangingTide

    TheChangingTide Visitor

    wouldn't lend anything out that i expected to see again... the truth of this world, for sure. family or not.
     
  7. Dancing til Dawn

    Dancing til Dawn Senior Member

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    :iagree:
     
  8. BettyBum

    BettyBum Member

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    And waht if I know that a person needs my help, but I don't want to have troubles later and to spoil our relations. What are the way outs?? Just give the money away to everybody in need? I would like, but i'm not able to...
     
  9. TheChangingTide

    TheChangingTide Visitor

    Life is a complicated thing. If you can help, help. If you can't, don't.

    If the relationship is fragile enough that you not helping because you CAN'T afford to is enough to make it crumble, consider whether or not it is worth continuing.

    And i know this is going to sound super hippy, but look at ways you can help people without giving them money. Money is a band-aid in most cases. It can only temporarily relieve something, but if someone has money management issues giving them a good lesson on financial responsibility could be way more useful than just handing them some money and hoping it "helps" their problem.

    Money is rarely the answer. We're just conditioned to believe it is.
     
  10. ice-nine

    ice-nine Member

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    Lending money can definitely influence relationships. There's been times I really wanted to help people, and have let various people borrow money (friends or family) and every time, it has ended badly. There's also been times when I've had to borrow money, under the stipulation of "don't worry about paying it back, whenever you have it is fine"; and that's gone poorly as well. Because, sometimes life has that way of kicking you when you are down, and maybe I couldn't pay the money back in a month or two months, and then that causes problems.

    I've learned, that the phrase "neither a borrower nor a lender be" has a lot of truth. So, the only times I give money is when I can give it freely and don't expect repayment. The only times I accept money, is when it's given freely and there's no (0%) expectation of repayment.

    Since adopting this policy, I've not had any relationships (friends or family) that have gone sour because of money. When I've been in desperate need, I've had one or two people who really helped me out. When I was doing a bit better for myself, instead of trying to repay them (as repayment wasn't a condition of the help), I helped someone else in need instead by giving (not loaning) money.

    ChangingTide said it well:
     
  11. GrimFortune

    GrimFortune Banned

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    I'll lend things I'm not sure I will get back sometimes, but if you do then you should be clear that you don't expect to get it back and that as far as you are concerned it's written off and make them agree to it. Then if they pay you back it's a bonus.

    I've seen a whole lot of relationships destroyed because of lending money. Don't do it unless you are willing to give it away AND are firm and charitable enough to convince them not to get all guilty about it.

    I borrow money from others frequently, and always pay it back with interest. There's no harm in borrowing money from people if they always profit from it.
     
  12. GrimFortune

    GrimFortune Banned

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    Yes

    If you were a millionaire and we were supposed to be good friends and I needed to borrow $1000 because I needed an operation, bail from jail, etc and you wouldn't lend it to me I would think you were a lousy friend. But in most cases it's just a case of "if you can help you can help, if you can't you can't"

    And as you said above life can be complicated sometimes. If an opportunity you don't normally have comes along and you need a bit of extra cash and are more than willing to go without for a couple of months for that opportunity then borrowing money makes perfect sense and getting a lecture on financial management would be the last thing you needed or wanted!
     
  13. WilsonFisk

    WilsonFisk Member

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    Write up a simple contract next time, in case you need to pursue it legally you'll have something to prove your side in court. Have you and the other party sign it.
     

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