Does she like me or just friends?

I figured I get some advice from some hipforum peeps bc everyone in here is awesome.

A little background: I was in a 5 year relationship that ended last April. It had a tremendous impact on me and it took me a long time to get over it. I feel like I'm finally starting to turn the corner but still think about her sometimes.

My new situation involves this girl who I work with. She started working there in early September, and at the time I was still greatly effected by my breakup. It's a Mon-Fri job and I work directly with her for at least an hour or so each day I'm there.

Anyways, me and this girl have an obvious connection. We're both outgoing, free-spirited and I love talking to her. I know that she likes talking to me as well. Over time I started to develop a crush on her. One problem: she has a boyfriend.

Things started heating up the night before thanksgiving. We were going to meet each other out that night for a few drinks possibly. She sends me a text "hey babe" and then informs me that shes fighting with her bf. She also said something along the lines of "you're the only guy for me" She was hammered drunk though and we didn't end up meeting. The next day she sent me a text message apologizing.

So when we get to work the next day it was very awkward. I didn't know if I should interpret her text literally (this is why text messaging sucks sometimes). Our conversation was kind of strange and like a pussy I didn't say much about the texting.

So time passed, and our conversations slowly started getting back to normal again. On her facebook page she posts pics with her and her bf all the time and it kind of made me give up on the whole situation.

Then randomly last week we're at work and she asks if I want to hang out. She ends up coming to my apartment at 11:30 at night. Before she came I told myself not to make any moves, if anything happens it will be because she initiated it (A. I want to show her I respect her B. It would be extremely awkward at work if I made a move and got shut down).

So she comes over and sits on my love seat and I sit on my couch. We start talking and she tells me the love seat is cold. I tell her to come over on the couch. She comes over and we start talking. We're both drinking some beers or whatever and then she says she wants me to show her some of my music, so we go in my room on my computer. It starts getting late at this point and I have to work the next day in the morning. I tell her that I have to lay down kind of soon and offer her to stay the night in my bed (we'd both been drinking). She says something like "You'd like that wouldn't you." So we both lay on my bed and right when we do she says "I'm not coming on to you, I feel like I'm giving you wrong signals." At the point I pretty much admitted to liking her and told her I wouldn't do anything because I know she has a bf. So we lay down go to sleep, and then she wakes me up early to walk her to her car and leaves.

Once again at work, we didn't really talk about it too much. She said something like "things got pretty crazy last night" as a joke but I didn't have much of a response. As the week went on we talked like normal, occassionally texting each other. I told her I'd make her a cd and did. Then on Friday I tell her I'm probably going out over the weekend and she should meet me out. So Saturday rolls around and she contacts me and says "hey." I ask her what shes up to and asks if she wants to do anything. She responds that its going to be a "girls night out tonight." And that was that. I don't know why she contacted me if she didn't want to hang out. Especially because she knows I like her now. I don't think she's the type of girl that would try to lead me on..

Now I'm here about to go to work again today not knowing if this chick has a thing for me or just wants to be good friends. So what do you guys think based on what I've told you? Does she like me or am I in the friend zone?

I'm going to have to just ask her soon. It's just that working with her every day can make things very awkward.

 

Talk to her and find out what she really thinks. Preferably when she's sober; I've learned that less the hard way. If you don't say something, it doesn't sound like anything's going to happen.

 

nah don't confront her like that... she is playing games with you!

you must launch counter-measures...

you should make her jealous...

get another girl, nothing serious, make it a wild fling with lots of passion. get out some of that sexual energy you've bottled up. dump the new girl and suffer a little.

the coworker should realize that if she wants you, then you wont be toyed with and action must be taken on her part to insure you two will hook up.

 

I have to disagree. I've found it's best to just confront these issues and deal with them. If she's the kind of girl who can't discuss it and just be straight about it, she's probably not worth the effort anyway.

 

yes, Occams razor. the simplest course of action is often the best.


however, i'd like to see him get over it. and just bone some other girl instead of fixating. my suggestion was a means to a means, not an end. "Genuine eros makes us desire a particular person; crude desire is satisfiable by fungible bodies."

 

Interesting. Completely different advice. The funny thing is I have thought of attacking this from both ways. I dunno, shit is frustrating. First girl I really like in a long time and I'm getting the most extreme mixed signals.

I will add that this girl is very genuine. There are just so many factors. For example, she might be confused bc she has a bf. I dunno I'll keep you guys updated. Still thinking of the right plan of attack...

 

Just fucking attack. If she wants you, she wants you. The best thing to do in these situations is just tell her straight up (don't be rude) that you're not interested in playing games, and that you're not going to wait around for her if she's not serious.

 

If you wanted to hook up with this girl, then you played the entire situation WAY wrong. When she was over at your house that night, obviously flirting with you, you should have pushed her on it and called her bluff. You accomplish this by doing and saying the right things to turn the situation to where SHE has to make a move. So you don't actually make a move or ever put yourself out there... you just call her out on her actions so to speak, to see what she's all about.

You didn't do that, and at this point she has you in her pocket and she knows it. I certainly wouldn't try going at her directly as someone else suggested, unless you just want to risk embarrassing yourself. What I would do is just kind of play it cool for a while and stop giving her so much attention. I also wouldn't go out of your way to try and hang out with her right now. See if that maybe turns things back around for you.

And definitely, if she ever shows up at your place again at 11:30 at night... call her out on her bluff!!

 

^ Man I dunno, see like i said this situation is a little different in the sense that Im work with her every damn day. I dunno I do regret not prying a little more that night . And now you're making me really regret it. I dunno I've never been in this situation before and I don't want to say the wrong things. Also, I'm not trying to just hook up with her, I really like her. Fuck. I hate games....

 

dude,

Ill tell u my story because is very similar.

Im very close friends with a girl i know for about 5 years.
We talk almost everyday and we are very close.
she has a boyfriend also for the last 4 years.
I smoke weed with him very very often too.

anyways,i like her too since day one.ive been in relationships while i knew her.
when we get together,we always talk,flirt but everything is always friendly.even when we get "too" close.
Anyways,i broke up 1 month ago with a 2 year old relationship.since then she talks to me even more and more everyday.maybe she likes im single but she still has a boyfriend.
from what i see though,no matter what we do,i dont see us fucking(at least soon enough).

so do what i did,chill with her,talk to her and stuff.but start fucking other people.she is doing it already,do you see her waiting? so do the same,and maybe in one month or 2 years if you still keep it cool and the right moment comes it will happen.

good luck to you,and to everyone else in the game.

and remember dont wait for someone who didnt for you!
that kinda saved some disasters in my past.

 

Just because you see her everyday doesn't change things. And you shouldn't be concerned about saying the wrong thing. If I were you I would be teasing and flirting with her like she's been doing to you. Take advantage of those little sexual tease comments she makes towards you. You need to turn her game around and do the exact same thing to her. Maybe something comes out of it, and maybe not. But you put the pressure on her and don't stress on it.

 

thats exactly right man.
im only 19 but ive been in allot of situations like this. i found out when to be agressive and when not to be. and one thing that fucks everything up is texting. fuck it. do it just for conversations that you dont want to call to talk about, but if you want to ask her to chill, then call her and she cant give a short response that could be misunderstood. set urself up while your talking to her in person so that shit isnt wierd when your not in person if that makes sense.
i only give people attention in person anyways. dont text girls allot unless their talking about something interesting you know? like interesting as in flirty and only if their acting interested. this is my personal experience in as little words and with as little detail as possible

 

also like someone else already said, say shit to make her try harder not viseversa.
next time she comes over and is laying in your bed next to you, tell her your not coming on to her, tell her to stop trying hard. stuff like this makes them self concious, and makes them try to impress you. if shes trying to impress you, not the other way around, anytime shes drunk, and you make a move, i guarantee shell accept it.
its hard to get my point across over a forum, but i think you can understand what im trying to say

 

This situation keeps getting more bizarre. She texted me yesterday about this music program I have because her sister wants it, and I told her where I got it from etc. So then as the night goes on she texts me again something just like "hahaha" but she's obviously thinking about me (I know for a fact she was with her bf last night, they had some sort of family party to go to). Then I get another text at 2:30 in the morning which is the ultimate mind fuck. It's a pic message of her blowing me a kiss and it says "love ya." So I'm drunk last night and respond "Looking good woman" (kinda wish I didn't say that...fucking alcohol).

So then I get a text from her today and it says "that's a sweet pic," and at this point I try to reverse the game and say "is it?" and she never replied. I was thinking by saying that it gives her the chance to say something about it. I think I freaked her out (maybe this is a good thing though, maybe she'll read into the fact that I'm confused- but now I regretted saying it bc I got no response). I just don't even know what to think at this point. It's getting to the point where I think I have to say something...She knows I like her because of that night she came over, so why the fuck would she send me a message of her blowing me a kiss if she didn't like me. Is it really even possible that she just likes the attention I'm giving her at this point? Like I said she's a good girl. I do know that.

Guys this girl is driving me wild. I want to play a game and not give her so much attention but I can't because I like her. I also want to straight up ask her now, but it's hard because I see her at work every god damn day. Fuck I think you're right xxaru that I need to put the pressure back on her, but when I did that she didn't respond. I have to talk to her about shit in person or on the phone, this texting is driving me insane. You're right bluesensation, texting sucks in this situation. I think I might say something at work if the time is right and no one is around or call her. I just don't want to set myself up for embarassment/awkwardness like some of you have already mentioned....FUCK

I think I might try to pry a little bit about her relationship. I really have tried to talk about her bf as little as possible. Say something like "Are you happy in your relationship" It's like an indirect way of me asking if she likes me or is just fucking with me.

EDIT: Can I get some female advice on this? I know all women are different but a woman's perspective would be nice...

 

That's not reversing the game. What you should've done was reply back with something like "You're such a tease". That calls her out a bit, and comes off as a joking teasing shot at her. Cause all she's doing is teasing you right now.

YES!! I’ve been telling you that already. You need to pull back a little and play harder to get. Stop feeding her attention cravings so much. When she text you at 2:30 in the morning… DON’T FUCKING TEXT HER BACK. Make her wait a while. Text her back later the next day. If she press you why you didn't text her back, tell her you had a hot date.

She might not be as good as you think... after all, she likes teasing and flirting with you when she has a bf. If you start doing the same to her, you should get her to start responding to you like you want.

Don't start calling her. Make "her" call YOU. If you don't want to text her, then don't reply to her text... but DO NOT start calling her. I wouldn't start prying about her relationship either. That comes off as if you're interested in a relationship with her, and you don't want to start twisting that idea right now. She already knows you want her, so lets leave well enough alone for the time being. I would keep her at arms length for now if I were you. Flirt with her a bit, tease her... but don't fawn all over her and feed her attention cravings. When she text you, think of something teasing and flirty to respond back with. And if you can't think of something good, then let her ass wait till the next day to respond to her.

IMO, right now she knows you want her, and she knows she could have you anytime she wants. What you need to do is drill it in her head that yes, you're attracted to her... but you'd NEVER hook up with her for a number of reasons, starting with the fact that she has a bf and is nothing but a tease. Then come up with a list of other things, like she couldn't handle you sexually, you don't date blondes, etc. It doesn't matter if it's true on not, you just need some bullshit to fuck with her mind right now. Then everytime she sends you some teasing BS text to mess with you, like sending that pic with her blowing you a kiss, you respond with one of those things you thought up as to why she can't have you. Perfect example response to the next pic... "Damn, that's hot... too bad I don't date blondes". Bam, now she has a challenge and it's game on for her.

When you do this stuff it's important to remember not to come off too serious. You need to hint that you're joking and teasing her a bit when you make these little comments.

 

dude fuck lol.
shes making you her bitch,
pretend you dont like her. pretend like you like her as a slightly annoying friend that texts you too much. respond to her that way. dont be to mean or shell think you hate her but dont be too nice

 

Look at the confusion that mind games have already caused for you, it doesnt matter if she is playing them on purpose or not.

If she is as you say she is (genuine), then the best thing you can do is just ask her in a genuine manner if there is something going on or not. If you are right and she is genuine, she will appreciate it more then anything else you can do, and either way, you will move forward, either in a relationship way, or a friend way.

If you are wrong about her, and she is playing games, asking her in an upfront manner will call her bluff and end the games one way or another.

Anything you do or say could effect your workplace, but the fact is, your workplace is already being effected by all this...

So whichever way the truth really lays on her side, the best option for you and your job, is to be upfront and honest with her.

 

^^ Agreed.

 

I disagree with this. She already knows he likes her and she has the ball in her court to act on it, or do whatever she wants with him. What is his coming forward and telling her what she already knows going to accomplish for him?

 

Besides him being able to keep his self respect for not being a game player?

A solution to his problem....