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Casual Family Nudity


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#1 Elaine555

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Posted April 18 2009 - 04:43 AM

I am a 45 year old woman with a husband and three kids, all living at home. My daughters are 23 and 20 and my son is 14 (the baby of the family).

I wouldn't call us nudists since we are never nude outside the house and have no desire to go to nudist resorts or beaches. But we are extremely casual about nudity inside the house with each other, and are very comfortable with our bodies and discussing sex with our children.

I am a stay-at-home mom and am generally naked all day along. I keep a robe handy just in case. No one outside my house ever sees me naked.

My husband is not comfortable totally naked but goes about in his shorts.

My 23 year old daughter is just like me - very comfortable with her body and is naked 24x7 inside the house. But she has a job as a lawyer in training and is away most of the day.

My 20 year daughter prefers to wear a T-shirt or sweater and panties in the house.

My son is a puzzle. He was extremely comfortable nude in the house until he was 12, and then suddently became more modest. He generally goes about in his shorts and t-shirt even tho' my daughters and I have been very open to him about accepting his body as is.

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#2 GLENGLEN

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Posted April 18 2009 - 04:52 AM

He's A Teenage Boy..:rolleyes:

Teenage Boys Are The Most Complex Creatures On This Planet.:eek:.

I Used To Be One.....:D.....So I Should Know.....:D.



Cheers Glen.

#3 Elaine555

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Posted April 18 2009 - 05:03 AM

That's what I figured. He has to go thru' his teenage years and come to terms with family nudity (or not). He is the baby of the family and is somewhat spoiled by his older sisters, especially my older daughter who mothers him constantly. Hope he overcomes his shyness. Just two years ago he was completely comfortable cuddling with his sisters when they were all naked.

#4 dashboardmary

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Posted April 18 2009 - 05:15 AM

Your husband wears shorts, your daughter wears tshirt and panties, let him choose and when/if ready it will be his decision. I agree, he's a boy going through big changes and he should be allowed to go through those changes at his pace.

#5 junglejack

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Posted April 18 2009 - 05:28 AM

Not my scene--but no judgements ,thats for sure*
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#6 Elaine555

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Posted April 18 2009 - 06:03 AM

I don't want to give a wrong impression of our family life. There is absolutely no sex or inappropriate behavior of any kind. It's just that we are very matter-of-fact about nudity and are very comfortable showing or not showing any body part to each other. I believe in "growing up without shame" and that's how I was raised, and want to raise my kids. Even my second daughter who remains mostly clothed has no problem removing her panties in front of other family members when she has to (like peeing in the bathroom when someone else is at the sink or shower etc). I insist we lock the bathroom when we poop - some lines have to be drawn.

My only concern is that my son is not comfortable with his body with or without clothes.
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#7 Barefoot Matthew

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Posted April 18 2009 - 08:52 AM

If I may be so bold, I don't think that your son is uncomfortable about his body so much as he might be noticing some "reactions" that have started happening to him at his age. Innocent as you want it to be, to a 12 year old boy cuddling naked with any girl, sister or no, is bound to prompt a physiological response. And while it sounds like you have tried to raise them to respect sexuality as a natural thing and placed boundaries around what you consider to be "inappropriate", the fact remains that boys cannot control much of their sexual response when you start entering puberty and the hormones begin coursing through their veins in earnest! I know from experience that sibling attraction can and does happen even when we know better, and he might just be afraid of some of the things that he is feeling with his twenty-something sisters parading around in the buff.
"Free your feet, and your mind will follow"

#8 Elaine555

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Posted April 18 2009 - 01:02 PM

(to barefoot matthew) I'm no psychologists but you may be right, though I hope not. If he is feeling something for his sisters, it's time to have a long, heart to heart talk with him. If that doesn't work, I'll have to insist all of us become a textile family. I absolutely cannot have any inappropriate thought or behavior at home.

I'll have a talk with him when we're alone (and fully clothed) and figure out what's going on in his mind.

I grew up as a single child totally naked in front of my parents all my life, and never felt anything sexual towards my parents. In fact I used to think my father had a particularly ugly body, though I really admired my mother.

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#9 PurpByThePound

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Posted April 18 2009 - 01:23 PM

I don't think you should or need to talk to him. He realizes it wouldn't be right and that is why he is clothing himself.

Like Matthew said, sometimes things can't be helped. He will grow out of it and things will be normal - not that they aren't now, it seems like he knows what's goin on just fine.

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#10 Elaine555

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Posted April 19 2009 - 03:10 AM

I think I should talk to him. I don't want to alienate him from the family. The two girls are adults and can take care of themselves. I need him to know he is an important part of the family. I'll let you know tomorrow how the talk went.

#11 codemeister3

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Posted April 19 2009 - 03:21 AM

This seems odd. It is kind of wrong that it seems odd. God ment us to be naked but yet it someone seems totally foreign to me. Like the uncircumcised penis... It seems odd and foreign too. We truly are evolving into our artificial environment.
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#12 nldn

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Posted April 19 2009 - 06:22 AM

Deciding what is best in a family when there are different views is not easy. Ideally I hope you could accept that one or two may be clothed and others not, and their views change over time. I hope you can all be content regardless of the way that you choose.

#13 tonynaturalist

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Posted April 19 2009 - 07:57 AM

(to Elaine555) no better action than talk to him. The all female environment could be overwhelming for him. His father not being nude doen't help the cause. He may be speculating why his father is like that. Besides, at 12 the hormones start acting and he will be embarrased if he has an erection or semi-erection in front of females. His modesty may signal that he is concerned with not diplaying any sexual signals to the family. Its complex but find out what would make him feel happy and go naked.

#14 Elaine555

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Posted April 19 2009 - 06:08 PM

I think that is what it is. His father told me once he'd be mortified if he had an erection in front of the girls. That's why he has his shorts on all the time. Even tho' I've told him it's OK - its natural and no big deal. I really don't think the girls would care.

My older girl is a touchy feely person and likes to hug and kiss. She is so unselfconscious about her body its beautiful and a little uncomfortable at the same time. She thinks nothing of hugging her father or me with a full body hug when she is nude. Or lounging about on the sofa with her legs spread open reading a book or watching TV. Maybe my son fears an erection. Anyway I'll talk to him soon.

#15 tonynaturalist

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Posted April 19 2009 - 06:29 PM

Keep talking to both of them. They could be nude but try to hide a bit the erections if that bother them. Your husband running around with shorts is sending a powerful signal to your boy. Nothing wrong with your daughter being so open but she has to understand the dynamics and avoid embarrasing situations. Drawing a line on behaviour in your case is difficult. In one case you dont want to go sexual but in the other ... nature its playing its usual tricks. Its natural. Your sun will have to grow up a bit ...maybe when he is 19 or 20 and has experienced sex with his girlfriends then his behavior will be more level headed. In mean time if your older daughter hugs him with full body and he has an erection ...its too much natural force for him to control. I come from a nudist family but we never had displays of genitals like your daughter do. We were more consertvatives in that arena. I recommend you keep talking to him and try to convince him this is very normal.

#16 Elaine555

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Posted April 19 2009 - 07:09 PM

Actually writing about my family and reading the responses has cleared my thoughts a bit. I think it's not my son I should be talking to, but my older daughter. I should ask her to tone it down a bit. What do you guys think?

#17 mithra

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Posted April 20 2009 - 02:10 AM

I think asking her to tone it down a bit would be a good idea; although she clearly had no sexual intent her body position could be interpreted otherwise. With your son, just try explaining to him that erections are perfectly natural, and that if he gets one no-one will mind, or tease him later, just make sure our daughters are aware of this too!

Finally, a big hug for raising 3 kids with confidence in themselves and their bodies. There is so much negative pressure on people to conform now; you are setting your family a wonderful example!

#18 curious78

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Posted April 20 2009 - 02:41 PM

I won't tell her to tone it down, as much as I'd remind her that her actions my make her brother uncomfortable and if he does get a erection, then she needs to handle it well. :cool:

#19 tonynaturalist

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Posted April 20 2009 - 03:20 PM

(Elaine55) It could be that your daughter has to control herself a bit when he is around and its itchy. He is also going thru some changes like pubic hair, size, etc. and that is stressful. The sisters should avoid teasing him ... they should wait until he is a bit older for teasing. Other than that I would not worry much and stay emotionally close to him. He could be more embarrased when he discover masturbation. Are the girls sexually active??? -
At 12 he may have a constant erection specially with so many girls around. Let us know how is he doing.

#20 Elaine555

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Posted April 20 2009 - 06:22 PM

Well, I spoke with my older daughter. I'm very close to everyone in my family emotionally and there are no secrets between us. She told me lying nude around the house is her way of de-stressing. She is a part time law student with a full time job in a law firm, so she is in a business suit with tights and heels from 6:30 am to about 7 pm, and always sitting up straight with her legs crossed in the business setting.

When she comes home and on weekends, she wants to kick everything off and completely relax to de-stress. That's why she is nude all the time at home. I understand that. Anyway I am naked most of the time at home, so how can I complain? She said there is nothing sexual at all - in fact I know both girls and I look on my son as a baby still even tho' he is 14 now.

I've taught all my children each person has to find their own way to de-stress - being naked in the house, masturbation in private, or having casual sex with protection when you reach adulthood. My older one tried sex at 18 (with my blessing), didn't like it, said it was more stressful, and hasn't had sex since then. Yes, they share everything with me. She says she doesn't enjoy it and will wait until she gets married.

My younger daughter became sexually active at 19, and has really taken to it. Her boyfriend is our next door neighbor (about a mile away - we live in the middle of nowhere) and they have frequent sex to de-stress. The whole family knows it, her father and I are fine with that, and so are his parents.

I know all three kids masturbate in the privacy of their bedrooms. I think it's healthy. Anyway my older one said she will try to tone it down, but she suspects that is not the problem. I'll talk to my son when I get him alone in the house.
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#21 Noic75

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Posted April 20 2009 - 07:01 PM

I think he probable fears an erection. I grew up in a nudist environment, and when I was his age the thought of getting an erection scared me to death.

#22 tonynaturalist

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Posted April 21 2009 - 06:03 AM

Hi Elaine55. Well I understand all that. The boy needs a lot of support because the fem environment around him. De-stressing I understand since I do same. No better pill than being nude and do what you like. Sex is important and your older daughter eventually will have to get used to it "before" marriage. Otherwise she can ruin someone's life if she never end up liking it. Other than that you environment at home looks fine. Keep talking to the boy and let us know. Physical changes in him can also give him stress ... specially if he feel "he is too small or too large" when compared to his peers. Its important too that he spend sometime with his father both totally nude so he can get some reassurance that he will be like dad. I use to take showers with dad very often and he and I were very similar so that gave me a lot of confort at that age. Today I dont care anymore. I just care about how I feel. Nudism is a tranquilizer pill for me ...my wife and I go to the local nudist beach (legally approved beach) and enjoy the day there very much. We also have friends. We both are of European ancestors and there is no issue. Here in America we tend to associate nudity with sex a lot. As a matter of fact more than 60% of newbies in nudist resorts, clubs and beaches are looking for sex. Most people go there for the thrill of looking at naked people. Some get converted to true nudists others never come back. Also there are many swingers in these groups and all they want is to score. Its a shame that people think that way. Pure nudity is no sin and natural. Sex is a private matter and it can or cannot happen if we want or not ... like in every day life. Keep us informed on your son progress.

#23 bft4evr

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Posted April 21 2009 - 09:36 AM

Hi Elaine, by all means talk to your son. Communication is the key. But keep in mind what you are trying to accomplish. You want to know why your son has become more modest, just don't let him get the idea you are pressuring him into nudity. You need to be as accepting of his modesty as you are of your daughter's nudity.
Perhaps he'd like an alternative to his shorts, a way to be somewhat modest yet still wear less. A loincloth, thong, or g-string could do the trick. Perhaps if your husband were to wear one of those items your son might feel more comfortable baring more.
At any rate good luck and let us know how it goes.

#24 nldn

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Posted April 21 2009 - 12:16 PM

I agree about being respectful of his modesty, and think you've done the right thing by making clear boundaries.

#25 Elaine555

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Posted April 23 2009 - 04:20 AM

Okay, I finally had the talk with my son. What he said totally blindsided me - I was not ready for his answer.

He was alone in his room. I put on my bathrobe, knocked and entered his room. He was totally naked, doing his homework. That didn't surprise me, I knew he spent his time in his room naked - he only dressed when he came out. He made no effort to cover up, he is comfortable with me seeing him nude. He was surprised I had my robe on, but I told him I was feeling a little chilly!

I gave him the talk - told him there's nothing to be ashamed of in an erection and so on. He said he wasn't worried about that - both his sisters have seen him with erections and he didn't mind. What he was worried about was the "shrinkage"! He said normally it is about 4 inches, but sometimes it gets so small - less than 2 inches - that he is embarrassed to be around his sisters. He said he didn't even know why it happens. He can't control it and it goes from normal to hard to shrunk in just minutes. I didn't even know that was a problem for boys.

I told him that was also perfectly normal and I've seen it with his father (tho' I really haven't). But I don't think I convinced him. I have no idea if that is normal.
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#26 Barefoot Matthew

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Posted April 23 2009 - 06:04 AM

It's perfectly normal, and as many men can attest "shrinkage" can very well be a source of tremendous embarrassment (the Seinfeld joke wasn't just concocted for laughs!). In that case, I sympathize with your son's feelings because I am also "anatomically diverse" down there.

I would probably suggest asking his father to explain to him that it's normal for many boys and men, even grown ups and that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Men are either "growers" or "showers"... as he becomes a man and starts to wonder what his body will look like, it's natural to start comparing himself on things like size, etc. because of the pressure men sometimes put in place around it. It's one of the more awful things that we do to ourselves, IMO, to put so much emphasis on only one facet of our anatomy, but there it is. If he fears being "too small" sometimes, the best you can do is just help him understand that even if it does "shrink" it's still a part of his body and it's just doing what it's supposed to be doing!
"Free your feet, and your mind will follow"

#27 tonynaturalist

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Posted April 23 2009 - 08:34 AM

Elaine555, well i was suspicious of that. I went thru the same at that age. However I related to my father whose penis also shrunk from time to time specially after a cold shower or a chilli day. Testicle sac also goes long and short to keep the temperature of the testes as constant as possible. So it is NO BIG deal. Just have to learn how to manage that. Besides nobody is going to like him less (or more) because of the "temporary" shrinkage of his penis.
I imagine that when erect he must have an average size as his peers ... and size is not critical at all. So glad you got to the bottom of the issue. But keep close because another question is going to arise and can make him shy again. Have his sisters acknowledge in some way or form that the shrinkage is no big deal ...and should not make a joke at that. Good luck.

#28 Elaine555

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Posted April 23 2009 - 09:30 AM

I'll take you guys word for it, having no personal experience on the subject of "shrinkage".

Tony: How would I go about having his sisters acknowledge that shrinkage is no big deal? I can talk to them, but if they spoke to their brother about it, he might become even more shy.

Matthew: His father has spoken with him and they have even showered together. But his father has never shown his penis to the girls except when he is in the bathroom and one of the girls barge in. So I am not sure his father can reassure him anymore.

To the men out there: If you and a girl (sister, wife, girlfriend, whatever) were naked together, and the girl makes a suggestive move (crossing a leg or bending, or touching you) and your penis starts shrinking, would you be embarrassed? Would you think you have insulted the girl?

To the women out there: In the above scenario, would you take the man's shrinkage as an insult or offense? Would you think that the man doesn't think much of your body?

I think I need answers to these questions before I talk to the my son again.
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#29 tonynaturalist

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Posted April 24 2009 - 08:49 AM

Elaine555: I understood the problem as "shrinkage" in a given moment. I did not think the shrikage occurring during a moment of girls making suggestive moves or touching. If that happens then the person(boy) is afraid of something more happening and his brain disconnect. Male genitals are complex organs ... during an erection or semi-hard condition the blood flow to the cells in the structure of the penis "stop". That is how the erection occurs. That is why an erection cannot last more than certain reasonable time. The flow of blood must be restablished. So long erections are not healthy for the penis cells. They dont get so much oxygen. So after an erection or a semi-hard condition ... a soft period has to happen.
Tell him size means nothing when not erect. A he should quit being so self councious. On the subject of girls talking to him ... well its a sensitive one. But they can bring up the subject one day and talk abt the shrinkage being not important. If your son experience shrikage when he gets sexualy excited then that is another issue. I do not believe this is the case. Your daughters should be briefed IN PRIVATE ...and without him present on the findings you have had. Then you have to aske them not to bring up the subject in a rough or kidding manner. They have to wait until the day they can have a serious conversations about genitals or sex or something related to "softly" bring the issue ... and make an statement to him that shirnkage or erections are normal for them and should no be of problem. Being him the "little" brother makes them think he is a kid when he now is begginign to grow up and is out of that kid age range. You can create the ambiance one day to talk abt those sensitive subjects. You can say ..being nudists we must talk about changes from time to time ..because youa re growing up and getting more and more into adult lifestyles ..specially the sex part of it ...and then bring several pending issues. In my family we do that from time to time and proves to be great. Everybody is well informed and no complaints or backfires. My wife and I take the subjects very seriously and try to explain abt HIV, AIDS, Birth Control methods ...we even talk about our own experiences at their age ... and bring the issues on a soft manner. Their is a lot to talk about on that subject ..that the majority of families dont talk because its Taboo. Also be careful because "incest" can happen and you dont want to open that door. I know abt families in other cultures who allow these things to happen. Have to be extra careful.
Let us know how it goes.

#30 pathostpe

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Posted April 25 2009 - 08:45 PM

I feel for him. I grew up in a very open household. I am also very sexually open and confortable. A male will grow and shrink with just about any thought or external stimuli. I understand how he feels. I am 45 and on many meds. I have issues with shrinkage and still after being married for 24 years get embarrased at times. One way to bring the issue up for conversation would be to address someones body outside the family. On a movie, the internet, or any other area that is open in the family. DO NOT address him directly unless he leaves the door open. Bringing something like this up in front of his sisters without his readiness, in front of him, could really cause him issues. He will probably be more comfortable later if left alone.

As for your oldest daughter being as open in the house, congrats to you and your husband. It is good that those in the family can be that comfortable. It seems like your house is open to be open when things are "okay". Being just as comfortable and open about ones self with the whole family at once is a little harder. It is good that your family can talk openly to each other when your comfortable with yourself is very healthy and sounds like your family does it. But, being open with family when your not sure about yourself sounds like it may still be hard with the kids. That sounds like an area to grow in.