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How do i masturbate a female cat?


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#1 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 01:03 AM

How do i masturbate a female cat?

Stop laughing …. this is a serious question. It is not a joke or a troll, nor am I into animal perversions. (With my apologies to all of you who are sexually attracted to house cats.)

My two young Siamese females are both in heat right now and I feel so sorry for them. Constantly calling for a Tom, rolling on the floor, asking to be petted …. hornier than I’ve ever been …. they do it maybe 18 hours a day for 2-4 days (they’re normally awake only 5-7 hours a day) take a couple of days to sleep 20 hours a day and then do it again … this can last for a couple of times a month.

I'd like to salvage their sanity and mine without creating unwanted kittens or mutilating their internal organs.

Hoping for suggestions that might lead me to other solutions, but failing that, is there anybody out there in cyber-space that can teach me how to masturbate these two poor horny babies.



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#2 YoMama

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Posted November 04 2008 - 01:16 AM

Animals are not the same as people. Nature wants them to be fertilized not have an orgasm . Stop trying to humanize them let them be cats.

Why not do the human thing and have them fixed?
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#3 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 01:20 AM

animals are not the same as people. Nature wants them to be fertilized not have an orgasm . Stop trying to humanize them let them be cats.

Not to offend, but I don't think you know cats.



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#4 YoMama

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Posted November 04 2008 - 01:41 AM

I have several cats. Some people that know me say I am very "cat like". Cats like me a lot. That's because I let them be cats and don't try to interfere with who they are. All my cats are outdoor cats they prefer it they only come in in the cold if they want to come in. I have had my cats neutered. They are happy and very healthy.

Cats genitals are not the same as humans and I seriously doubt you would be able to masturbate them without injuring them.
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#5 Russ Thorn

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Posted November 04 2008 - 06:36 AM

How do i masturbate a female cat?

Stop laughing …. this is a serious question. It is not a joke or a troll, nor am I into animal perversions. (With my apologies to all of you who are sexually attracted to house cats.)

My two young Siamese females are both in heat right now and I feel so sorry for them.[/i][/b]


If you feel so sorry for them then take them to the vet to have them fixed. Masturbating a female cat? :eek:

#6 MaryJBlaze

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Posted November 04 2008 - 06:56 AM

you put this in the real kinky forum?!

it's a little known fact that all australian accents originated from wombat rapings.


#7 FireflyInTheDark

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Posted November 04 2008 - 06:59 AM

Fucking ew!
I wouldn't do that for my freaking friend let alone my cat! What the fuck??
Ugghhhh, I need a shower now. Jesus Christ on a cracker!!!
"Before, beside us, and above, the firefly lights his lamp of love."
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#8 GLENGLEN

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Posted November 04 2008 - 08:23 AM

[quote name='OldTroll']How do i masturbate a female cat?

Stop laughing …. this is a serious question. It is not a joke or a troll, nor am I into animal perversions. (With my apologies to all of you who are sexually attracted to house cats.)

My two young Siamese females are both in heat right now and I feel so sorry for them. Constantly calling for a Tom, rolling on the floor, asking to be petted …. hornier than I’ve ever been …. they do it maybe 18 hours a day for 2-4 days (they’re normally awake only 5-7 hours a day) take a couple of days to sleep 20 hours a day and then do it again … this can last for a couple of times a month.

I'd like to salvage their sanity and mine without creating unwanted kittens or mutilating their internal organs.

Hoping for suggestions that might lead me to other solutions, but failing that, is there anybody out there in cyber-space that can teach me how to masturbate these two poor horny babies



Do What All Responsible Cat Owners Do..If They Dont Want Offspring.

Get Them desexed.........Ya Silly Old Fool..:mad:

Yes It Is Correct That Cat Breeders Do Sometimes Do That To Get A Cat That Is Maybe Too Young To Safely Breed This Season, Over The Howling Stage.....But Methinks You Knew This All Along..:rolleyes:
Right.......??
Now Yourv'e Had your Little Joke..
Make Yourself A Cup Of Hot Coco,
And Go To Bed.
Tomorrow Is A Whole New Day.


Cheers Glen.

#9 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 09:00 AM

you put this in the real kinky forum?!

You don’t think that masturbating a cat is kinky? You’re my kind of lady MaryJ! LOL


Fucking ew!

It’s nice to know just how narrow minded some people can be. Thanks.



Do What All Responsible Cat Owners Do..If They Dont Want Offspring.
Get Them desexed.........Ya Silly Old Fool..:mad:

Yes It Is Correct That Cat Breeders Do Sometimes Do That To Get A Cat That Is Maybe Too Young To Safely Breed This Season, Over The Howling Stage.....But Methinks You Knew This All Along..:rolleyes:
Right.......??
Now Yourv'e Had your Little Joke..
Make Yourself A Cup Of Hot Coco,
And Go To Bed.
Tomorrow Is A Whole New Day.


Cheers Glen.

Thanks for your thoughtful response Glen. It was very unhelpful!

I have been a responsible cat owner since the late ‘60s and have always followed the conventional route to prevent pregnancy. In the past few years I’ve become more and more disgusted with how frequently people are willing to mutilate an animal just because it is a convenient and easy way to keep them from propagating. For me it is the same as whacking off a baby’s foreskin just because everybody else is doing it.



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#10 GLENGLEN

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Posted November 04 2008 - 09:09 AM

[quote name='OldTroll']You don’t think that masturbating a cat is kinky? You’re my kind of lady MaryJ! LOL


It’s nice to know just how narrow minded some people can be. Thanks.



Thanks for your thoughtful response Glen. It was very unhelpful!

I have been a responsible cat owner since the late ‘60s and have always followed the conventional route to prevent pregnancy. In the past few years I’ve become more and more disgusted with how frequently people are willing to mutilate an animal just because it is a convenient and easy way to keep them from propagating. For me it is the same as whacking off a baby’s foreskin just because everybody else is doing it.



Just A Quick Thought Before I Retire.....Tis.4-09 am here...:(

Why Not Clean Up Your Post.....Then Post Your Query In The Pet Section Of H.F..??

Where It Rightly Belongs.

Why You Would Post It Here.....Beggers Belief....:confused:


Cheers Glen.

#11 FireflyInTheDark

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Posted November 04 2008 - 09:17 AM

It’s nice to know just how narrow minded some people can be. Thanks.


It's nice to know that you would rather fingerfuck your cat than do the responsible thing and have them fixed. Thanks.
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#12 toolmaggot

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Posted November 04 2008 - 10:05 AM

It's nice to know that you would rather fingerfuck your cat than do the responsible thing and have them fixed. Thanks.

"fingerfuck your cat" is probably the funniest phrase I've ever heard.

Ever.

This entire thing is hilarious.

Nao, what you OUGHTA do is fuck 'em yrself, thus making little cat humans.
Posted Image

I've honestly punched dozens of women.

I want to sodomize you because I love your tight little booty hole type of thing.

I'm here for the butt sauce


#13 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 10:10 AM

Nao, what you OUGHTA do is fuck 'em yrself, thus making little cat humans.

I would sweetheart, if it wouldn't diminish the quality the Siamese cat gene pool.



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#14 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 10:12 AM

It's nice to know that you would rather fingerfuck your cat than do the responsible thing and have them fixed. Thanks.

FireflyInTheDark - - Did you have trouble with English Comp in high school?



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#15 Jay_Billionz

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Posted November 04 2008 - 10:14 AM

lol wtf!!
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#16 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 10:23 AM

If you feel so sorry for them then take them to the vet to have them fixed. Masturbating a female cat? :eek:

I guess my first post wasn't clear enough.

For around forty years I've been a responsible cat caregiver (nobody owns a cat) and have always neutered my cats. In the past few years I've come to equate this type of surgery in the same light as circumcision.

It's the right of all of us to have our own opinions, and if you get off on flaming or ridiculing opinions that don't agree with yours, then have at it. I'm reasonably thick skinned.

My opinion is that neutering pet animals and circumcising helpless babies, male or female, is immoral and should be against the law.

I may do things that are illegal, but I do not do things that I consider to be immoral!



Have fun and play safely!

#17 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 10:33 AM

Why Not Clean Up Your Post.....Then Post Your Query In The Pet Section Of H.F..??

It is a current thread in the Animal Advocates Support forum .... and though the responses there are not very helpful, they're much superior to yours my rather strange friend.

Two questions for you Glen:
Why is is that every time a person emigrates from New Zealand to Oz, the average IQ in both countries is increased?

Why do you shout at me? I'm old, not deaf.





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#18 toolmaggot

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Posted November 04 2008 - 10:44 AM

I guess my first post wasn't clear enough.

For around forty years I've been a responsible cat caregiver (nobody owns a cat) and have always neutered my cats. In the past few years I've come to equate this type of surgery in the same light as circumcision.

It's the right of all of us to have our own opinions, and if you get off on flaming or ridiculing opinions that don't agree with yours, then have at it. I'm reasonably thick skinned.

My opinion is that neutering pet animals and circumcising helpless babies, male or female, is immoral and should be against the law.

I may do things that are illegal, but I do not do things that I consider to be immoral!



Have fun and play safely!

I don't even know how you'd go about circumcising a female.

And circumcision really, REALLY isn't that big of a deal. I will never understand why the fuck people think it's like chopping yr whole cack off.

My tongue is stuck inside of my mouth because I never got the frenulum clipped when I was born, which is what they do with most babies that have a tongue as attached as mine. But my mother told them not to. Fifteen years later, I was told I'm extraordinarily lucky that I didn't develop a speech impediment because I can't move my damned tongue around. To this day, I'm extraordinarily pissed that my mum wouldn't let them, because now it's a big surgery deal, costs a bunch of money, etc., when I could have been free of it my entire life with a single snip.

Is THAT mutilation, too?

Cats don't wanna fap, they wanna make babies. So you either let 'em make babies or get 'em fixed. There's no humane way otherwise. Being as "learned" as you are, you should know that.
Posted Image

I've honestly punched dozens of women.

I want to sodomize you because I love your tight little booty hole type of thing.

I'm here for the butt sauce


#19 Rigamarole

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:03 AM

I don't even know how you'd go about circumcising a female.


http://en.wikipedia....le_circumcision

They basically cut out the clit. Pretty gruesome shit.
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#20 FireflyInTheDark

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:04 AM

FireflyInTheDark - - Did you have trouble with English Comp in high school?



Have fun and play safely!


Actually, I was at the top of my English class. Thank you for asking. You can see my regents exams if you don't believe me. I've also worked for a veterinary clinic, the humane society, and owned several cats of my own, in addition to my current educational endeavors to become a veterinary technician.
I understand that you don't believe in neutering your cats. What I don't understand is how you could think engaging in sexual acts with them is okay, but a routine operation that will reduce their suffering is not.
This is NOT the same thing as circumcision, which is done for mainly traditional purposes, and for which the medical reasons for or against it are controversial. It is common knowledge that fixing your cats will stop their estrous cycle.
Have your cats experienced a false pregnancy, yet? Do you have any idea how emotionally damaging that can be for a female cat? Basically, their body fools them into thinking they are pregnant, then that they carried the litter to term (stomach becomes distended, mood swings occur, eating habits change, etc). Then, they give a false "birth," which usually consists of them becoming attached to a shoe or pillow, because their hormones are telling them it is their offspring. It is very distressing and confusing for them. I can't imagine what kind of cat-lover would rather preserve their cats' ovaries rather than save them from this emotional pain.
THIS is why I disagree with your steadfast refusal to fix your cats, sir. You ARE doing them a disservice.
"Before, beside us, and above, the firefly lights his lamp of love."
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#21 rainbowgeek

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:13 AM

YOU CAN'T FIX SOMETHING THAT ISN'T FUCKING BROKEN.

If a cat's reproductive system is working fine, you can only BREAK IT, you CANNOT FIX IT.

#22 FireflyInTheDark

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:14 AM

I don't even know how you'd go about circumcising a female.

And circumcision really, REALLY isn't that big of a deal. I will never understand why the fuck people think it's like chopping yr whole cack off.

My tongue is stuck inside of my mouth because I never got the frenulum clipped when I was born, which is what they do with most babies that have a tongue as attached as mine. But my mother told them not to. Fifteen years later, I was told I'm extraordinarily lucky that I didn't develop a speech impediment because I can't move my damned tongue around. To this day, I'm extraordinarily pissed that my mum wouldn't let them, because now it's a big surgery deal, costs a bunch of money, etc., when I could have been free of it my entire life with a single snip.

Is THAT mutilation, too?

Cats don't wanna fap, they wanna make babies. So you either let 'em make babies or get 'em fixed. There's no humane way otherwise. Being as "learned" as you are, you should know that.


This is a good example. I will add one as well.
I was told that my wisdom teeth would never grow in properly and that they would have to be cut out of my mouth or I would develop an infection. I held off, thinking, "maybe it will be okay." Imagine my relief when one of them broke through and began developing normally. After about six months, though, it started to really hurt. The others would also shift under the skin. Eventually the pain got so bad that I ended up in the emergency room, dizzy and nauseous from the pain. I was given vicodin and told that if I didn't schedule an appointment soon, a sudden infection from an erupted tooth could kill me in a matter of hours.
I had the developed tooth pulled the following week, and the surgery to remove the remaining teeth the following month. I could have saved myself the pain, sickness, and time away from work, not to mention the threat of infection taking my life, if I had only taken two days during my winter or spring breaks for the oral surgery.
"Before, beside us, and above, the firefly lights his lamp of love."
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#23 FireflyInTheDark

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:14 AM

YOU CAN'T FIX SOMETHING THAT ISN'T FUCKING BROKEN.

If a cat's reproductive system is working fine, you can only BREAK IT, you CANNOT FIX IT.


SPAY, then if that word makes you cry less.
"Before, beside us, and above, the firefly lights his lamp of love."
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#24 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:14 AM

I don't even know how you'd go about circumcising a female.

And circumcision really, REALLY isn't that big of a deal. I will never understand why the fuck people think it's like chopping yr whole cack off.

My tongue is stuck inside of my mouth because I never got the frenulum clipped when I was born, which is what they do with most babies that have a tongue as attached as mine. But my mother told them not to. Fifteen years later, I was told I'm extraordinarily lucky that I didn't develop a speech impediment because I can't move my damned tongue around. To this day, I'm extraordinarily pissed that my mum wouldn't let them, because now it's a big surgery deal, costs a bunch of money, etc., when I could have been free of it my entire life with a single snip.

Is THAT mutilation, too?

Cats don't wanna fap, they wanna make babies. So you either let 'em make babies or get 'em fixed. There's no humane way otherwise. Being as "learned" as you are, you should know that.

Thanks for a thoughtful answer my friend.

Google female circumcision … common in Africa and some Muslim countries. A horrific procedure!

Circumcision is a big deal if it’s my foreskin …. and it’s easy for me to empathize with others.

No, I don’t think that doing a frenulectomy on you would have been mutilation …. it was a necessary medical procedure to correct a problem. BTW, as a young teen I did an amateur frenulectomy on myself when my foreskin wouldn’t fully retract.

IMO higher order animals ... dolphins, cats, etc. ... do want sexual satisfaction ... and don't have any idea that what they're doing will make babies ... just like a lot of ghetto kids today.

BTW, I like your spirit ToolMaggot.



Have fun and play safely!

#25 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:19 AM

FireflyInTheDark - - How about we circumcise you to prevent your ever developing labial cancer?




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#26 FireflyInTheDark

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:25 AM

Your cats are far more likely to go into heat again than I am to develop labial cancer.
"Before, beside us, and above, the firefly lights his lamp of love."
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#27 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:28 AM

Your cats are far more likely to go into heat again than I am to develop labial cancer.

And so are you .... do you wanna be fixed?

... maybe you do ... no more cramps ... no more babies ... etc ...
but you are an educated intelligent adult making an informed decision. My cats need a caregiver to make that decision for them.

#28 FireflyInTheDark

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:36 AM

The difference is, I am going to have children someday, as well as have sex for pleasure. "Neutering me" at least the same way as cats would be, will take both of those options away. I have given some thought to whether or not I want to have my tubes tied after I decide I don't want children, but at this point in time, it would interfere with my future plans.
Are you planning on breeding your cats?
Am I going to have a false pregancy and develop a love affair with a shoe and mope around crying for it when it is taken away?
There's a difference here, OldTroll. They are not exactly the same as us. I believe that they have rights and emotions and all of that, but just preserving something because it's natural and ignoring every reason to do it is just blind extremism. Is it natural to keep them from having sex?
"Before, beside us, and above, the firefly lights his lamp of love."
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#29 Russ Thorn

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:40 AM

I guess my first post wasn't clear enough.

For around forty years I've been a responsible cat caregiver (nobody owns a cat) and have always neutered my cats. In the past few years I've come to equate this type of surgery in the same light as circumcision.

It's the right of all of us to have our own opinions, and if you get off on flaming or ridiculing opinions that don't agree with yours, then have at it. I'm reasonably thick skinned.

My opinion is that neutering pet animals and circumcising helpless babies, male or female, is immoral and should be against the law.

I may do things that are illegal, but I do not do things that I consider to be immoral!



Have fun and play safely!


You don't do things that are immoral? I don't call finger fucking your poor cat exactly moral. I mean, what exactly gives you the idea that your cat necessarily even wants you to massage its kitty clitty? Did you ever consider that maybe your cat is only into other cats and when it comes to people maybe it just doesn't swing that way? Without it's unquestionable consent isn't that beastie rape, which would be immoral? Your sexual molestations may psychologically damage that cat far more than any minor operation to get it fixed would. Just something to ponder.

#30 OldTroll

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Posted November 04 2008 - 11:45 AM

It's nice to know that you would rather fingerfuck your cat than do the responsible thing and have them fixed. Thanks.

. . .If I had a sexual kink for my cats, then I’d much prefer to give them head … a hell of a lot more intimate!


There's a difference here, OldTroll. They are not exactly the same as us.

. . .Quite right m’dear …. cats and dolphins are superior to us!



Have fun and play safely!




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