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How To Get My Wife To Be More Kinky?


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#1 Scubasteve1659

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Posted May 19 2008 - 11:45 AM

My wife and I have been together for several years, while of sex life has been fantastic at time and other times not so good. I have many wild and crazy fantasies that I would like to do with my wife but she is way too conservative and usually shuts me down, how do I get her to be more open? i think once she opens herself up she will be a nymph.

#2 Wild Mountain Dave

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Posted May 19 2008 - 12:10 PM

Be ever so patient. How long you been together? It'l come around. gently probe here and there. Never be pushy and develop lots of sexual trust. Most of all patience.

#3 washable

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Posted May 19 2008 - 04:05 PM

Have you discussed it with her... and not while you are in the sex mode with her... she will think hey maybe I am not good enough... have a few drinks research stuff on the web with her and see her reactions to it...

#4 Angelina31

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Posted May 19 2008 - 08:46 PM

Hey! I had the same problem with my husband! I actually left him alone for awhile, after talking about it, I let him know that I was ready when he was. I think giving him space and the initiative, because I usually am the one to initiate, made him feel more in control? And since then, things have greatly improved.

Not sure what your wife's personality is in the bedroom. Despite my husband being very confident and outspoken, in the bedroom he is very passive. Telling him to it is ok to not be a 'gentleman' in the bedroom has given him freedom to express his desires. Perhaps your wife thinks you won't respect her if she gets wild in the bedroom, or she is just shy. Try and lead the way gently, by buying her very classy but revealing lingerie and asking her to model it while you sit in the middle of the room. Buy some toys and ask her if you can watch her try them out. Compliment her and tell her how much she turns you on. Be verbal but not pushy.

I hope whatever you do works, because I can empathise as to how frustrating it can feel.

#5 Scubasteve1659

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Posted May 20 2008 - 05:05 AM

Reply to Angelina31

Just to give you a clue on my wife personality in the bedroom, she has NEVER EVER masturbated, so I know that she has never explored any sort of sexual pleasures. We have talked about it many times (not in the moment) and she is appauled by masturbation. I have sent hundreds on sex toys and everytime we attempt to use them, its a complete disaster, it is very frustrating, and she gets pissed when I have no interest sometimes in sex.

#6 Angelina31

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Posted May 20 2008 - 04:27 PM

Wow. Never masturbated? Poor girl! How about seeing a sex therapist? Your wife sounds very repressed. I am not trying to insult your wife, I just feel for both of you if your sex life is unsatisfying.

#7 Stevie2Wonder

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Posted May 21 2008 - 06:54 AM

I changed my S/N....so I'm pretty much doomed aren't I???? We have talked about masturbation, and she is completely disgusted by her own vagina.

#8 Angelina31

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Posted May 21 2008 - 03:29 PM

You are only 24? She is of similar age I presume? Is she just very shy to admit to you that she is sexual, enjoys doing things? Was she taught to be ashamed as a child? I hope nothing has happened to her. I would just gently persist, tell her her vagina is beautiful, that you want to do things to it, ask her if she will let you show her what you like doing to it. I am sorry, I am sure you have tried all these things, I don't mean to be suggesting the obvious.

#9 yumyum2k5

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Posted May 21 2008 - 03:35 PM

Sometimes people just arent sexually orientated. Some people enjoy reading, some people enjoy sports, some enjoy sex.....kinky sex.

You should know your partner and know that she perhaps doesnt want anything kinky like that and even mentioning it could change so much and make her uncomfortable.

I dont really know what you should do, but speaking on my own behalf, i'd just not bother bringing it up, then again i dont believe in girlfriends or wives as such..... so i can just pick n choose, but even then i dont like to sleep around just for the sake of sleeping around.

All in all, im not a great help, but just respect that she might infact NOT want anything kinky like that, its not that shes scared to show it, she just simply might not like that.
He Who Feels It, Knows It.....Jah Rastafari, Everliving, Everloving, Selassie I The First!

The Color Of A Mans Skin Is Of No More Significance Than The Color Of His Eyes - Jah Rastafari Emperor Haile Selassie I

#10 Angelina31

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Posted May 21 2008 - 04:24 PM

Good point yumyum, and if she isn't in to stuff like that, period, then you can't push it on her.

#11 yumyum2k5

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Posted May 22 2008 - 10:19 AM

Good point yumyum, and if she isn't in to stuff like that, period, then you can't push it on her.


yeah thats what i meant to say but you said it in one simple sentence haha. thats why i loves ya. :jester:
He Who Feels It, Knows It.....Jah Rastafari, Everliving, Everloving, Selassie I The First!

The Color Of A Mans Skin Is Of No More Significance Than The Color Of His Eyes - Jah Rastafari Emperor Haile Selassie I

#12 jrnyman

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Posted May 22 2008 - 04:14 PM

I changed my S/N....so I'm pretty much doomed aren't I???? We have talked about masturbation, and she is completely disgusted by her own vagina.

just out of curiosity is she christian or grow up in a pretty religious household?

I know EXACTLY!! what you're going through. sucks man, I'm sorry. my ex-fiance had the same issues big time. she pretty much refused to masturbate and pretty much relied on me to get her off. But then she'd never really gotten off so she'd get close to cumming and lock down and get really really REALLY frustrated. she actually started hitting me one time she was so frustrated. our sexual life pretty much dwindled down to nothing... we'd fool around like once a month... maybe twice. I was horny as fuck all the time and so was she but we'd just get so frustrated when we'd get together that it felt like there was little point. it definitely bled into the rest of our relationship too.

after we broke up she got so pissed and sexually frustrated that she opened up and she turned into a sexual goddess.

I think what it boils down to is that she has to be ready to accept her body and she has to own her sexuality. do you guys have any female friends that might be a wee bit more open about sex that maybe she could talk to?

I'd agree not to push but it definitely wouldn't hurt to bring the situation into the open and talk about it very clearly if you haven't.

Patience is huge in this, which I think you're understanding a bit, and give her as much comfort as you can. Definitely don't neglect your own sexuality though, it'll just add to the dynamic of frustration.

Good luck with this!




#13 Angelina31

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Posted May 22 2008 - 04:48 PM

You're such a sweetie jrnyman



just out of curiosity is she christian or grow up in a pretty religious household?

I know EXACTLY!! what you're going through. sucks man, I'm sorry. my ex-fiance had the same issues big time. she pretty much refused to masturbate and pretty much relied on me to get her off. But then she'd never really gotten off so she'd get close to cumming and lock down and get really really REALLY frustrated. she actually started hitting me one time she was so frustrated. our sexual life pretty much dwindled down to nothing... we'd fool around like once a month... maybe twice. I was horny as fuck all the time and so was she but we'd just get so frustrated when we'd get together that it felt like there was little point. it definitely bled into the rest of our relationship too.

after we broke up she got so pissed and sexually frustrated that she opened up and she turned into a sexual goddess.

I think what it boils down to is that she has to be ready to accept her body and she has to own her sexuality. do you guys have any female friends that might be a wee bit more open about sex that maybe she could talk to?

I'd agree not to push but it definitely wouldn't hurt to bring the situation into the open and talk about it very clearly if you haven't.

Patience is huge in this, which I think you're understanding a bit, and give her as much comfort as you can. Definitely don't neglect your own sexuality though, it'll just add to the dynamic of frustration.

Good luck with this!



#14 jrnyman

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Posted May 22 2008 - 05:31 PM

haha thanks. :) I feel for this situation though... ugh... it's a tough one. sometimes you just have a hard time vibing with people and when it's your love it can be no fun.




#15 Stevie2Wonder

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Posted May 23 2008 - 04:15 AM

It is very difficult to explain her when it comes to the sex part of our relationship..probably because I don't understand that part of her at all.....When we were first together sex was incredible we would just stay in bed all day and have sex 5,6,7 hours at a time because that was what we could do and I never ever paid attention to the little details......Well as soon kids come into the picture the world of sex as you know it no longer exists....and you pretty much have relearn sex....you cant just rip your clothes off and start fucking....its all about timing...more foreplay...being romantic...basically you have to put 50x more effort than you did before.....when woman are pregnant and have a baby self-esteem issues come into play..woman feel fat, ugly, ect...................I do understand that and my wife isn't my wife because I'm an inconsiderate prick......Her thing as she has told me is she wants me to be more aggressive, be the initiator...and I have done that (or should say have tried).....We have had many romantic nights ect, ect, ect........when I initiate sex with her she's focused on the TV, playing with her hair/nails, anything that distracts her from sex...le tme tell you how frustrating that is.....So I have come to the conclusion that she is totally not in tune with her sexuality....So if you can't please yourself how is anyone else going to please you.....I could go on and on...and don't mistake on how much I love my wife because that doesn't effect that...it just frustrates me to no end.....

#16 jrnyman

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Posted May 23 2008 - 01:44 PM

yeah man I don't get that at all and never really have. I think pregnant women are radiant. I definitely get how kids can wear you out though!

do you have lots of family pressures... like how you're supposed to act, especially for her as a mother? if that doesn't take the bake out of the oven I don't know what will. family while sometimes being amazing can be truly disgusting sometimes.

sounds like she just needs to find her own way to sex or whatever too. sucks for you though.




#17 Angelina31

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Posted May 23 2008 - 05:25 PM

It is very difficult to explain her when it comes to the sex part of our relationship..probably because I don't understand that part of her at all.....When we were first together sex was incredible we would just stay in bed all day and have sex 5,6,7 hours at a time because that was what we could do and I never ever paid attention to the little details......Well as soon kids come into the picture the world of sex as you know it no longer exists....and you pretty much have relearn sex....you cant just rip your clothes off and start fucking....its all about timing...more foreplay...being romantic...basically you have to put 50x more effort than you did before.....when woman are pregnant and have a baby self-esteem issues come into play..woman feel fat, ugly, ect...................I do understand that and my wife isn't my wife because I'm an inconsiderate prick......Her thing as she has told me is she wants me to be more aggressive, be the initiator...and I have done that (or should say have tried).....We have had many romantic nights ect, ect, ect........when I initiate sex with her she's focused on the TV, playing with her hair/nails, anything that distracts her from sex...le tme tell you how frustrating that is.....So I have come to the conclusion that she is totally not in tune with her sexuality....So if you can't please yourself how is anyone else going to please you.....I could go on and on...and don't mistake on how much I love my wife because that doesn't effect that...it just frustrates me to no end.....


We are in a similar situation. We have 2 children, a 7 month old son and 2 & 1/2 year old daughter and that makes spontaneous sex, well, impossible! And it is obvious that you do love your wife because you are talking about her, the situation and you are wanting to fix it. Perhaps all you can do now is leave her alone and let her come back to you. Sorry, that is not great advice, but sometimes you can only do so much.

#18 Drewsac

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Posted February 20 2012 - 04:33 PM

She locked me in at the start I our relationship with a few kinky moments but now with a kid and 8 years in the sex is rarely good mainly because even web he is trying to please me it feels fake because she isn't trying to please herself.

#19 handmemybaffy

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Posted February 20 2012 - 07:56 PM

Interestingly I have had the opposite experience. After having three kids (9th anniversary this month), our sex life has never been better and my wife's kink level has kicked up significantly. I think pregnancy and childbirth brought out her goddess powers.

#20 hitman73

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Posted February 20 2012 - 09:49 PM

Man this situation sucks. I was married for 11.5 years to a women who apparently didnt like sex, and certainly didnt masturbate. Her response to the question "have you ever masturbated?" was "Yuk". It never improved because it got so that i got turned down for sex every time so i gave up and just relied on masturbation when she wasnt around and we never had sex.
My fiance (will be my wife this April 21st, 2012) and i have a great sex life, and she tells me she will do anything sexually for me. She masturbates on demand lol, has me wank on her tits and many other exciting things. Sex on the bench in the kitchen is pretty common.
I feel for you in your situation, i love sex and masturbation so i can be happy im getting plenty of both, in top quality.
Good luck.

#21 rogersanchez

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Posted February 21 2012 - 05:27 PM

Talk to her, tell her your dirty fantasies. Also, don't be put off if she acts prudish. You know she's not prudish because you've had crazy sex with her before right? Chances are it is just an act. Most women are kinky on the inside they're just socially conditioned to act 'proper.'
Tell her you want to know her fantasies as well.

Send her dirty text messages, emails and phones calls as well. And then when you do have sex make sure you give her lots of oral, so she's loving it and wants to do it more and more.
But above all don't take her prudishness at face value.

#22 fancypants713

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Posted March 15 2014 - 12:02 PM

Our sex life is good but I need more dominance from him, when he does it I go crazy ...I love it but! he don't do it as much as I like I I'm always telling him I want it n I want more of it, the really dirty talk, the forcefulness... I want him to take complete controle, but he'd only goes so far and thasts it. How do I get him to really go as far I I want ?
Plzzzz help