Is homeschooling an option for me?

I am a single mom. I SO want to homeschool my son. He's extremely intelligent and spirited, just like I was as a child, and I know that school would totally crush him, as it almost did to me. I would've totally lost my love of learning if not for my dad. As it was, I got B's without studying because I didn't see the point in trying if I didn't have to. I have a feeling DS would be the same way.

The fall he'd be starting school if I sent him, I'll be in my last year of grad school. Then I'll be working full-time to pay off my student loans. We'll also be moving across the country right after I graduate. My boyfriend and I are moving in together, and much as I adore him, I can't guarantee we'll still be together then, nobody can. I know I won't be able to afford a full-time nanny in grad school and I have no idea how money will be after I graduate.

I'm don't know if there are any Montessori or similar schools near where we'll be when I'm in school. I'm conserned about sending him to public school for a year or two, then homeschooling him after we move. Would it be too rough a transition along with moving? Would he refuse to homeschool after public school?

 

"Would he refuse to homeschool after public school?"

Shouldnt you be thinking about the best interests of your child and what they want? If school turns out to be a positive experience for him why would you want him to leave?

Yes, there are a lot of kids who fight against leaving school when their parents decide they want to homeschool. Usually the longer they are in school for the more likely they are to fight against homeschooling from what I have seen. Teenagers are more likely to argue whereas you can convince a 9 year old to whatever you want usually.

I have never understood the mentality of mothers who want to force their kids to stay out of school. If your biggest worry is that he might like school and not want to leave isnt that a good thing?

 

I found school to be very easy to the point of being boring because I wasn't challenged. If my parents had wanted me to homeschool, I would have refused, because public school would be easier. But I would would have gotten a better education at home. My concern is that he won't want to homeschool because he knows that he won't be able to slack off and be able to get good grades easily without working. That would've been my perspective on it.

I want my son to have the best education possible AND to be happy. I hope that both will coincide. I'm not going to force him to homeschool if he really doesn't want to. But I'm also concerned that his reasons not to want to will be the same ones I would've had at that age - laziness and a "follow the crowd" mentality.

 

You sound a lot like my mother. She made me leave school so that she could brag about how her kid was a few years ahead of his peers academically. I had to give up everything I wanted in my youth so my mom could force me to be a nerd with no social life (at least not relative to the social life I could have had). For crying out loud, hes just a kid. (what 6 years old?) There will be plenty of time for him to be an academic when he grows up and goes to college. Its true that he might not be in that top 1% if you dont keep him at home and crack the whip on studying so to speak, but is that really a big deal?

Any small gains he gets academically will pale in comparison to how much he loses socially. Eventually this small scholastic advantage wont mean anything anyways. (who cares if a 21 year old has the academic abilities of a 23 year old?) But the loss of social interaction in his youth will hurt him throughout life. Going to school, learning how to interact with your peers, and enjoying your youth is far more valuable than learning algebra 2 years before everyone else.

And speaking as someone who went through what you are discussing doing with your son, I hate learning. Nothing burns you out on it more than giving up your youth because your mother wants to push on you academically.

 

Here's something I think both of you can benefit from reading. MrFriendly probably won't, because he's already made up his mind that public school is great, but Muna, you should really get something out of this.

 

After school self schooling sounds like it would be the best in this situation. I would have been "crushed" by my parent's well meaning yet very one-sided point of view had they gone through with homeschooling (I only did it for preschool but came out about 5 years ahead of most of my kindergarten class). What worked for us was that I would go to school in the day, then at night, weekends, and summers- I would choose a passion to study with the help of my parents. By the time I was out of elementary school, I had self-schooled in dinosaurs, Greek mythology, introductory anthropology, British Victorian literature, and Latin American social movements. I vastly preferred that to the homeschooling stints I had. School never really crushed my love of learning (besides science and math, but I found history and politics so I think that would have been a given regardless of what I did), but rather gave me access to people who would pique my learning even more.

I think too many parents get too tangled up in the "what ifs". What if my child has a bad experience in school like I did? What if my child is teased? What if he hates it? However, it's interesting that so few people think, "What if it's a wonderful experience?" I know my parents had HUGE misgivings about sending me to school. We were a Jewish/agnostic family of Massachusetts liberals with a penchant for activism, while the majority of the people at my school were conservative Southern Baptists who had never met a non-Baptist, much less a Jew. And I was teased every day of my life through elementary school. But it made me a better person and I learned how to argue in real time without blowing a fuse. I also would have been a woefully boring person without the influence of many of my teachers and probably am turning out more like my parents in their youth than my parents would have wanted me to be.

Your kids might have horrible teachers, but they might not. I've never really had much trouble integrating subject matter, but that's because I would self school much of it. Teachers are often more than willing to help. Being in the system doesn't mean you have to follow the system, but you don't have to break out of it all together to derive something wonderful out of how you educate yourself. Homeschooling is just another system, and might even break the mold less as for most of school, your only "teacher" is the same person with the same thoughts and points of view.

So the point is, don't pull him out of public school after a few years in- instead, teach him to USE public school. If kids and parents go into it expecting it to be a self contained machine, then they're wrong. Teach your son to take what he's learned and apply it elsewhere and encourage his interests that might not be delved into so deeply in school. The library should become your best friend. Also, push like hell for the gifted program. I hate the way they label it, but it really is how most school should be taught. It's often only for a few hours a couple of times a week but it was one of the best experiences I had before high school.

 

MrFriendly (kind of a misnomer, isn't it?) I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with homeschooling. I guess what you're not getting is that I do not intend to FORCE my child to do anything. I want what's best for him and I'm trying to find out what that is. Based on my knowledge of public schools, which is extensive (13 schools before I graduated high school) they are basically as described by the wonderful article that Nalencer quoted. I got exactly two things out of school - marching band and a great English teacher in high school. The rest of it was a waste of time punctuated by low self-esteem because I was too poor for nice clothes and was fat.

For the record, my son is 2 1/2. We've started doing things like color worksheets and the alphabet and he loves it. For all I know, he may love school too. But I feel that I can give him a REAL education at home, versus the "here's what you need to know for the standardized test" schooling.

 

"MrFriendly (kind of a misnomer, isn't it?)"

You came here seeking opinions and advice and so I gave mine. If you consider being honest unfriendly then thats fine by me. Personally I wouldnt want friends who just told me what I wanted to hear.

I dont want this to turn into a flamewar, thats not my intent so this will be my last post in this thread. The reason I post on message boards like this one is to try to persuade people not to homeschool. I am not trying to be a jerk, I am trying to save other kids from having the same childhood I did. I apologize if I come off as being rude, but I am only saying these things because I want parents to do what is best for their children.

As far as that article goes, I would contend that if your only purpose in your childhood is academic education then, then it is mostly spot on. But as I was saying before, a child's youth isnt supposed to be about doing everything he can to get ahead academically. Learning to interact with your peers and enjoying your youth are the two most important things for a young person. I think you should take note of the fact that apparantly that author has contempt for every non-academic thing that students do. (he rants about how football, proms, and all other extra stuff are a waste of time and should be cut out) Academics, while important, should not be the only focus of your life. Leaving school to focus on learning more will seriously mess you up.

MunoJadida: Why do you think that if your son spends time with his peers he will be regarded as a loser by them and have low self esteem? This seems like an assumption that all homeschool parents make and I think it is tremendously unfair to their children. Even if your child gets made fun of the solution isnt to hide at home until he is 18. If he is overweight that problem should be addressed. If he is socially awkward then isolation from his peers certainly wont make things any better even if it does stop people from making fun of him in the short term. With the exception of children who have serious medical or psychological problems I really cant think of any scenario where the correct decision is to just hide from your peers and avoid social situations throughout your youth. (yes I realize that homeschool families meet every now and then, but that really pales in comparison to being around kids your own age all day every day)

 

I don't know the answer to the OP's questions about what will be available for her at certain times and places.

I do know that home school is NOT the way to "hide" your kids or cut them off socially.

I do know that public school is pretty far removed from have much going on socially and from much of that being positive.

I also know that if I had it to do over again, I'd have kept my kids out of K-5 and the school systems altogether.

Unfortunately I bought into wanting them to have a "normal" life back then and never considered home school until they begged me at ages 12 and 10 to do so.

Home school kids that I see are not "strange" or unable to socialize, just the opposite. They are able to socialize with age peers AND all ages in the real world.

I would never force a child into a type of schooling they were vehemently against or make them stay in one that made them miserable.

I try to make sure they not only get the academic and socialization they need but also follow their passions. That, to me is the very essence of home school.

Using your child as some sort of trophy to show off is always repugnant no matter how they are schooled or what they've accomplished. Your child is not about YOU. Your child is becoming his or her own person, more so every single day. That should be respected and nutured.

 

You didn't read the article.