survivors of suicide

yes

idk if there is reincarnation or not, but I'm not sure that this is the way it is supposed to work. I don't know too much about the subject, but I think that the idea is that if you become enlightened, then you don't have to reincarnate. enlightenment is not a common thing though, and even people who dedicate their entire lives to meditation and being monks do not typically attain enlightenment

meditating sounds good though

I'm sorry that you went through this.

 

Ok those pictures arent funny lol.

I have deffently felt suicidal loads and depressed but now im very happy. Let all your emotions out and deal with them dont block them up. Accept, honour and love yourself. Get out there do traveling and meet new people. x

 

I'm depressive. I had the whole world coming down on me. Three miscarages with my wife, I owe 250,000 dollars on student loans, I have quit so many jobs that I have a bad reputation and can't find a good job anymore, I have quit drinking and smoking pot, and that used to be my main way of getting out of the house, I had to, I got arrested twice for possession, I don't own anything, I used to belong to cults and they went crazy and dissolved and the gurus I respected self destructed and died, I tried cutting my wrists. I ended up in the hospital and then I was committed to a psyche ward.

In the psyche ward they adjusted my depression meds. I had some good counseling, met some nice people. They allowed me some options to explore my mental state. I decided that I wanted to live and that I should entertain some new ideas, because at that point 'no' was not an acceptable outcome. I could try to do something that I had previously denied myself. We have good mental health facilities here where I live.

I have heard that hospitals are not as good - not so much freedom, not so much good group therapy as private mental health institutions. If you voluntarily check yourself in then you can also check yourself out. One person there - a girl who just graduated college and was going to go back to study a double masters - a really smart girl - she checked herself in because she wanted a break.

I know a punk rocker dude who said once to me that his six months at this mental health facility was the happiest time of his life. A good mental health facility is very free form and unpressured. It is supposed to provide a space for rest and recovery.

At any rate, I got some good thoughts out of my recovery time. I doubt anyone who feels pressured is going to read this. But if you do then know that there are other ways to think about your troubles.

One such way is that we are criticized since we are young. Some children grow up in a depressive environment. We read off to ourselves every waking moment our shortcomings and what we hate about ourselves.

Instead, one needs to write down five things one is grateful for everyday. In this way one starts to catalog in their minds the positives. Whatever one is grateful for. Food, air, family, friends, etc.... Could be anything. Do this exercise and start to think on the positive side. It helps a bit.

 

I have lost my step dad to alcohol, he was bi-polar and off his med for years. I guess it doesn't make u think till it really happens. after so, i began following his footsteps till i rediscovered God, nothing like the bible that can help you thur the most horrible times, God bless those who keep trying to spread the word of our lost loved ones.

Ryan

 

My husband and I are both survivors of suicide attempts. We actually met in a chat for the suicidal, had a pact to go together, and ended up getting married instead. We're both happy now, taking our medications (i've got avoidant personality and major depressive disorder, he has severe agoraphobia)

I ask anybody who is considering suicide to seek medical help, no matter how silly it sounds. Fate saved my life, and i'm happy to wake up to my husband everyday.

 

^

 

I believe that we (people) have a small smattering of soul mates. I always wondered how many of them shuffled off the mortal coil, where I was lucky and managed to stay here.

that's awesome you caught each other before you flew on up

 

indeed. i roll over and think about how lucky we are every morning every morning. we have our days, and it scares me that we still have the means to go, but we won't. :love:

 

I have and still have many thoughts , but others tell me that we all have a reason to be alive. I wonder what's mine ...

 

Wether you beleive in god fate or whatever we all have a reason to be here even if it is to spare those close to us the pain of losing someone they love and the guilt of having to live with it.

I am bi-polar and have tried a few times to commit suicide and to be honest I think most of the attempts were not serious ones or if they were I was just not very good at it, BUT in september last year I did things properly or so I thought. I did die I suppose, depending on how you look at it. My heart stopped several times but they got me back, some permanent damage was done to my body but more importantly my wife and children went through hell for 5 days as I was not waking up, no-one knew if there was brain damage etc etc..

Sadly I cannot say I wont do it again, but I can tell you ths the look of pain in my wifes face when I eventualy woke up was the most horrible thing I have ever seen. Instead of being angry with me she was in a terrible state of guilt and all she asked me was what she could have done to help me from getting to that stage. My youngest children did not know what happened but my eldest asked my wife if I did not love them.

I am going to do my best to never put my family through that again because I realised one thing if I do succeed in killing myself I am destroying an entire family. The doctor who got got me back in the E.R came to see me before I went to the psych hospital and he said I had been given a second chance and to do the best I could to make his efforts worth while..

Thats my story not sure it means much to anyone but there it is..

Jay

 

i am a survivor of several suicide attempts and much self injury through my life....one time…i did it "right”.
I slashed my arms and hung myself...actually I have no memory of the day or what led up to the incident….i vaguely remember having lunch and the next thing I knew I was collapsing in the bathroom of some psych hospital…..i do not know any more weather i am grateful to be alive or not.
when im at my best i feel life is a joy to embrace and a great challenge ...at my worst these days i just look at my arms and feel really tired....unfortunately …i did do brain damage in my last attempt. that was 8 years ago……there have been no attempts or self harm…since that… …I am healing and slowly and as I get older are coming to terms with the issues one faces in life.
my brother suicided at age 19...oh man
Sorry about that…..hope it was not too much.
to top this weekend off...an associate died...basicly he drunk himself to death on wood alcohol.
i think Jack" Kerouac said...im catholic so i can not commit suicide so i will drink myself to death...sad..as life can be at times.
but hay we are alive and where there is life there is hope. life is worth the experience for sure.....i give it two thumbs up...today

 

shit man ...was that post too much?

 

My parents died in a car crash a year and a half ago and I completely beat myself up about it, I still do even. I blame myself that I saw the car coming up behind us really fast behind our stopped car after we spun out on an icy road and not telling my dad so he could move the car out of the way. About four or so months after the fact i was about to take a handful of Tylenol but my brother stopped me. And he called his parents and the next day they admitted me to a mental hospital. It was really rough and I still think about suicide a lot because i've seen how the people in my family deal with death and they say that they'll get never get over it but I know for a fact that they will Or in a few cases they will just not acknowlage it even. so whatever

 

It was not too much. that's what we do. We show our pain to show each other that we are all in this together. It's when we all hide our pain that we begin te feel abnormal. We all look like we have it together on the surface, and we look at everyone else and ask ourselves ''why do they all keep it together so well when I am falling apart on the inside?'', when in reality, most of us are.

Stay stong brother man. Just keep moving.

 

About 4 weeks ago I went through a very bad time. I attempted suicide twice in 3 days. I used a plastic bag, tied round my neck, but became scared within the first minute and frantically ripped the bag off. I cried my heart out afterwards.
The second night I tried this, I slept for maybe 2 hours in total, still in my day clothes. I just couldn't be bothered to undress for bed. I cut myself when I should have been getting ready for work. Finally I left the house and walked around for a while - I didn't know where I was going. I realised that I had put the knife in pocket, and used it in a secluded place. After sitting quietly for a while I realised that this wasn't right and walked to the local hospital, and finally got help.
The next day I was seen by a psychiatrist and put on medication, and was signed off work for 4 weeks. Through talking to the psychiatrist I realised that I had been depressed for a few years. Because I hadn't talked to anyone about my feelings, I had a number of very low periods, each coming more frequently and deeper than the previous one, until the situation was literally a matter of life or death.
I am better now - the meds have helped, as has not going to work. But I am by no means over the depression. Counselling will help with this, as will trying to remove the stress from my life.

If anyone reading this is feeling genuinely suicidal, stop. Talk to someone. Get to hospital.

 

When I was 14, 15, 17, and 18 I tried to kill myself. I was committed after two of them. No one is aware of the other two. When I was 19 I had my son and I know I can't try again. I am a single mom with no help. I am literally the only person here for him and I will never leave him.

 

I struggled with self mutilation for a short time, well, I mutilated myself for a short time, but I struggle with it today. There are few things that stop me from doing it again. But an experience with it will stay my hand for a long time.

I went to a school that was.... ghetto-fabulous, to say the least. I was the object of a great deal of emotional and physical bullying. As was the trend for almost a decade at the time. I was ignored by teachers when I called on them for help, even sold out when I warned them my life was endangered by another student. I went to my local youth ministry for help from God, but didn't get much from the ministers. I was ignored there and it seemed to rob me of my validation as a human being at a higher degree. My parents didn't pay me much mind either, but not intentionally. While none acknowledged my existence I was (I say everything very literally) tormented in an unimaginable way by memories and thoughts that slowly kill me to this day. I was beaten often at school and left to the mercy of my peers by school officials. My mind became warped and twisted, I began to think hateful words were the norm. I believed terrible things were meant to be said to me. I tried to validate my self through violence. I would challenge other students to fights but be shamefully denied. Through another student I discovered cutting. I began to cut my forearms and wrists with razor blades. I loved watching the blood trickled down my arm and took a morbid pride in the scabbing slices. Around my family the cuts were well hidden. But at school they were discreetly flaunted. A silent proclomation of my defiance of propriety and the norm, a badge of courage and bravery in a manner. If I couldn't have friends, I would be seen as an insane, self-mutilating witch. I tried to derive pleasure from the aghast faces and stares. I thought they were horrified by my actions, maybe they were frightened by my lust for blood. But I couldn't fool myself, I saw the truth behind the masquerade I forced onto the rest of the world. They were disgusted. I saw a mixture of despise and pity in their expressions. They saw my cry for attention was so obvious that it was warrant enough to be ignored further.

One night, as my grandmother stayed at my house to keep an eye on me while my parents were out, I sat in my bath tub, each arm resting on either side and a thin razor blade clutched in one hand. I cut myself again, I was in emotional pain, and I wanted to feel a greater level of physical pain because of it. I pressed the metal harder into my flesh than usual and bled more than average. I loved it. I relaxed in the bath tub, revelling in the sting and burn in my arms, but I felt my arms begin to go numb. I panicked, I thought of suicide often but I was never brave enough to seriously consider it. I was close to fatality but I was fortunate. I learned the beauty of love and life, and the sanctity of death. That terrifying close call changed everything for me, inside. Even if my school life didn't change.

 

I'm not a generally mushy or sympathy craving person, so I won't go on for hours about this; yes I have tried twice now. The first time slitting my wrists (and I know most of you probably think "oh slitting your wrists doesn't work; you just weren't ready" but when I say slit I mean absolutely slaughtered.) The second time I overdosed on an absurd amount of prescription and illegal drugs.

But hey I'm still here I guess so go me.

I had a very close friend of mine pass away a year ago this February...Sometimes I think I can see him walking in the halls at school, or I think I hear his voice.
RIP David x

 

sorry to hear that you went through this

please don't be afraid to reach out here if you need help, or also www.suicideforum.com.

you might want to check out this thread about treating depression http://www.hipforums.com/forum/topic/458019-treating-depression-and-anxiety/

 

I had been an alcolohic since 18 and at 42 nothing had changed i was alone, hopeless living in my car because my money went to drinking. one day it became obivous that the best answer was to die, i felt so relieved. i partied my ass off for a week didnt talk to any friends or family because it was easier not facing anybody. meanwhile i saved every bit of meds i had pristiq, serquel and tylenol 3s something like 150 pills. went to a motel and drank alot and started taking the pills but after awhile i started vomiting so i tried taking more pills faster. the rest is a blur. i woke up the next morning messed up got in my car and drove home not sure how i even did that. i must have passed right out because the next thing i remember is my friend trying to wake me up 36hrs later. i guess they called an ambulance and i spent the next 30 days at the local psych ward. i still have bad days but the good seem to be more then bad,