hey guys, im 16 an di just started writing some songs, i wanna make a pop punk band so thats the genre of music these songs would be played ot, these r my first 2 songs so i know they arent gunna be great if even good at all, so i would appreciate it if u guys could comment and give me some tips for better songs thx p.s. these songs have to do with teenagers and wat guys at my age can relate to so ya it mite seem childish to wat some of u older ppl may think but plz take it seriously and give me serious comments and stuff thx "A day in the life" Verse1 every day is a test to see who can fuck the best the girl whos got the biggest chest getting drunk every night got in 1 to many fights just trying to get laid but maybe its to late baggy pants and backwards hat does this shit make me look fat? Chorus A day in the life it sux so bad every body is getting mad just trying to have some fun maybe ill find the one ya i'll come along just let me tell my mom Verse 2 shit mom leave me alone im trying to talk to this chick on the phone sneakign in a little late dad is up to retaliate maybe im just trying to hard i just wanna rock with my guitar Chorus A day in the life it sux so bad every body is getting mad just trying to have some fun maybe ill find the one ya i'll come along just let me tell my mom "Get Out" Verse 1 You walk into those well known doors passing by all the whores take your time its alrite teachers are making you get it rite this shit takes to long sitting in class writing songs your legs are shaking waiting to get out you hear the bell and you know school is out Chorus your brain is fried all the time cant even draw in the lines cat wait to get away maybe ill get laid how am i gunna get by school is such a drag 3 more years and ill be looking back Verse 2 sleeping in class the teacher thinks ur dum she says get up off ur ass and start paying attention in class getting to school a little late just got a real hot date ur thinking u r the man just failed the exam you hear that ring you know whait means time to get out schools out Chorus your brain is fried all the time cant even draw in the lines cat wait to get away maybe ill get laid how am i gunna get by school is such a drag 3 more years and ill be looking back well thats all i have now, sorry for the thread being so long, i noticed that every single line ryhmes, thats not to good, ima try to write some other songs with words that flow together but dont neccessarily ryhme thx for reading
Hey man, nice to see a new face in here I'm the moderator here, also known as Sarah, and hope to see you back sometime As for your two songs, it's a good start. I wish I had had that good of a start when I started writing about 3 years ago... I focused WAAAAAAAAY to much on rhyming and keeping on topic, as in I stopped whatever flowed if it dindt' seem to have anything to do with the rest of the song... But sometimes that's just how it flows... And now that's I've just let everything loose and don't restrict myself as much I've found writing to be much more enjoyable and rewarding.... In the first song, a clear idea is portrayed, but the rhyming sounds very forced. Maybe lightning up on those would help the pulse and beat of the song. Or maybe even changing a few of the rhymes, so they're not quite as exact. Rhymes that are kinda close can often have a much better effect they rhymes that are exact, at least that's what I've found on my writing jounry. For the first song, this is what I thought would sound better: every day is a test who can fuck the best the girl with the biggest chest getting drunk every night Lost in 1 to many fights just trying to get laid And maybe get paid baggy pants and backwards hat.... I think this way has a much better rhythm, it seems much easier to follow, if my opinion anyway. I think making every other line rhyme would also help, but this is just what I've come up with off the top of my head. I'll think about this alittle more. I find that it takes a long time to get song lyrics exactly where you want them, a lot of the time I find taht it'll sometimes take me months to find that right word... I'm almost never happy with what comes off the top of my head. As for the second song, once again, I think the rhyming pattern needs to be changed. Don't worry about everything sounding the same, not EVERY song has to rhyme. It's obvious this song would be a harder punk song, (at least to me) and too much rhyming in that genre is not good, 95% of the time. I'd post my changes, if I could think of any, but right now I'm real tired and outta it. If I come up with any more ideas, I'll certainly post and try to help. Look back on what you've got as a start, and see what you think should be changed. Hum em in your head to different rhythms and patterns and see what happens. That's what always works for me I hope that made some sense, I apoligize if I rambled on. Good luck with your writing, hope to see you back soon Peace!
thx for the feedback i appreciate it, and ya i know it was kinda forced but i just couldnt come up witht he words that didnt ryhme, but thx for the tips i appreciate it
Have you set the songs yet? If so, I'd be interested to see the Changes, or even the lead sheets? I'm useless at writing lyrics myself but love writing songs and it's great when I get someone handing me lyrics to set. I have a friend who gave me some recently as she'd spent a while writing a lot of words. So I had a go at setting one or two of them - the second one is taking me a while because the form of it is pretty loose and the mood is difficult to capture. But the first one I had a go at I did in an afternoon because everything just slotted into place nicely. I'm pasting in the lyrics, and also attaching a midi sequence of the arrangment and a vocal lead sheet, for anyone who's interested. Two ears, a nose, a pair of eyes Just like a normal being The pain that burns deep down inside I keep the world from seeing If I let my emotions free And showed the world my soul All blissful things would cease to be While darkness takes control The sun, it fades, and dusk sets in My heart, it fills with dread When darkness falls, my fears begin To circle around my head Optimistic thoughts set sail Melancholy ones prevail The workings of my broken mind Think, “Why is this world so unkind?” My tears, they make a sea of woe A mirror for a blank tomorrow It makes me feel so cold, so blue But I can’t stop thinking of you Maybe I should just forget Disregard the day we met Erase your smile from my brain And not think of your eyes again I try, but you’re all that I see The cause of all my misery It’s too strong in my memory That fateful day when you left me…
Ben I really enjoyed playing the sax part you gave me for that song - Was great to sit there and have my friend play the piano bit! I just had a question though... How fast did you intend to have it played? I think I got the style, just it doesn't feel right at the speed I'm playin it...
Well it's a laid back feel, probably crotchet = 80 or something of that order. Reclinato come bossa nova
Get yourself a soundcard (or take some headphones to a mate's house or an internet café perhaps) and all will be clear.
